There’s a phenomenon I call “kindergarten teacher morality.” Please hear heavy sarcasm on the word “morality.” In real kindergarten or primary school, it looks like this: Johnny and Billy are playing dodge boll. Johnny deliberately targets the ball at Billy harder than he throws it at anyone else. Johnny knows he can get away with this because Billy is not a popular kid. The others find him “weird” or “gross” or “gay” or whatever. Johnny means to hurt Billy, and he succeeds. Johnny then sniggers at Billy and calls him “faggot” under his breath.
This "morality" is what the left depends on. The provocations of Drag Queen Story Hour, Antifa, anti-white racism, etc. are all intended to generate a reaction which will, in turn, cause the average sleepwalking citizen to blame the victim for the reaction. Call out the provocation for what it is.
I have experienced the spiritually conscious version of Kindergarden teacher morality. The type who inserts herself into my thread, tells me I need to have balance, that both me and the originally antagonistic person are both right and want the same things, gives her interpretation that makes me the wrong one and then blesses me with love and light & Namaste. This person is a drain.
Yes. For me, it's more than a drain, it's anger-provoking. I'm even angrier at Mr. Calm and Collected than I am at the original baiter. The original baiter was just a garden-variety emotionally immature gay man who was not able to hear "children need a mother and a father, and no, two mothers or fathers are not as good" without melting down. Then followed accusations about how awful I am, implications that I'm working with his enemy to keep gays down, that I hate myself, etc. I'm sure you're familiar with the type.
They're a dime a dozen, and I can let them roll off my back and simply use their tweets to illustrate those tactics to others.
Mr. Calm and Collected, though? His type? They disturb me on a much deeper level. They're the ones who you think of in the vaguely friendly or at least not-hostile category. And then, boom. They come in and do a both sides when there's a clear (and unstable, emotional, projecting) aggressor.
It's Twitter, not real life. It's small and fleeting, not of the importance of a real relationship. Granted. But the feeling I get is in the same neighborhood that friendship betrayal lives in.
Mr Calm and Collected revels in drama porn and stoking fires between strangers. These types are the puppet masters that swoop into an existing friend group to turn them against each other to destroy the group while believing they’re good people helping out. Their specific brand of malice can leave a lasting impression in your psyche that continues to haunt long after the shitty exchange. I’ve definitely experienced this on various platforms and IRL.
Yes, I recognize the type you cite. They are numerous. I don't *think* my current one is actually malicious (but I've been mistaken in that direction, too). But yeah, the cumulative experiences with him and others have left a mark on my mind.
Obviously. I felt compelled to write this. It lingers.
And some don't see it. This guy, I really believe, doesn't consciously mean to be condescending, but that's what he does.
I don't think he's awful, in fact, I think he's thoughtful in many ways. But he's too badly misguided on this, consistently, for me to tolerate. Bums me out.
Condescension is usually not premeditated, in my opinion. Thats what makes it so jarring, especially when it comes out of nowhere. A simple” That’s interesting, I see xyz differently” usually doesn’t elicit the same reaction that hard core schooling attempts do. I get it!
Yeah. I think I know what you mean. And yes, it's infuriating. It really can be worse than the person who made me upset in the first place.
Don't know if this is what it is in your case, but sometimes I think it is someone who does not take the time to acclimate to a group or conversation. He may be well meaning, but he doesn't realize he needs to scroll up and read everything, or maybe even just let it go until he "reads the room" so to speak. What I tend to assume from that, myself, is that he's not used to having to "read the room." He's used to his interpretation being the default one, most of the time.
I used to have quite a bit of this "Mr. Calm and Collected" in me, so I might be able to give you some insight on this. It often starts with a feeling of belonging to two conflicted parties. And when they get into conflict, you want to mediate a peace between them. The problem is that the sane and rational actor is the one that can be reasoned with- and so they often end up being targeted to sacrifice their integrity for the peace. The only thing that confuses me is why anybody would think there's any reason to do this publicly online. That sounds kind of psychotic, and only really makes sense as some sort of attempt at 'gentleman' flexing.
This is similar to the Kindergarten teacher, but she has more of an interest in 'keeping the peace' and asserting her authority, so its a little different.
"The real action is your target's reaction" is straight out of the activist playbook at beautifultrouble.org. By having no discernment and effectively defending the provoker, they defend abuse and give activists a shield to shut down any response. You can also call them Very Smart People. Or Rose from the Disney Star Wars.
Why do people feel so guilty about ban hammering people? Someone pisses me off I ban hammer them on social media with a full block unless they are an IRL friend. These are parasocial relationships you don't have to treat internet randos like old friends.
I was brought up to turn the other cheek, and my default mode is live-and-let-live, but I’ve finally gotten to the point of drawing the line and cutting off people who are spreading toxic waste on social media. Not ignoring, not unfollowing, but unfriending, including a few people I know IRL. They’re simply not worth my time anymore.
The argument I've heard against it is that banning people is like closing yourself off into an ideological bubble. But I think most mature people understand the difference between someone who politely disagrees with you, or who is just being disruptive and rude
I don't think banning people puts anyone into an ideological bubble. You shouldn't be required to engage with people that you don't want to. But social media algorithms certainly create bubbles, it's just conveniently ignored most of the time
The bubble argument is bullshit. The commies are utterly predictable on any topic, so why let them spew their babble into your comments? What do you gain by it? As if you will hear something from them that you've never heard before? 🙄
Exactly why I keep my comments on paid. I will happily comp someone who can't afford to pay, but I will not allow the woke commies to infiltrate and spread their mind virus.
Good for you. Nobody has a right to have access to you. You have every right to block or mute when you wish to do so. No apologies for it whatsoever. Whack em' and stack em' Raven!
The logic of those who are critical of me goes like this: the thing some idiot says or does to me is never really a problem. But if I don't like it and say so, then that's the actual problem. In that way, I am always cast as the One Who Is Wrong. That's lose-lose morality.
I actually have run into this many times, but I’ve also (rarely) run into the ideal.
When our oldest was barely 5 and we had just begun homeschooling, I took him twice a week to what’s called a “Mother’s Day Out” program. It was on Tuesday and Thursday and lasted from 8:00am to 12:00pm. The purpose was to give mothers time to go to the grocery store, a doctor appointment, or just get a breather.
Anyway, Connor told me almost each time about two other little boys (it was an all boy program) who separately picked on him and quite brutally. I never saw any physical bruises or anything, but they pushed him down, were mean, etc.
I talked to the “teacher,” of course who admitted she had witnessed it and was doing her best to stop it. I instructed Connor never ever to start anything, but that if one of those boys physically hit him or pushed him, he had our permission to hit right back and as hard as he could. He had NEVER hit back. We told him that even if he got in trouble at “school,” that he wouldn’t be in trouble at home.
So things moved along to the very last day of the program. I got a call about an hour before I was to pick him up. The sister (it was run by wonderful nuns) told me he had knocked Cameron’s two front teeth out.
I was mortified. Not only because that’s quite a punch from a boy who was a head shorter than anyone else, but also because I went to college with Cameron’s mother, Miranda. Miranda had been in the same athletic program as me and she didn’t care much for me back then. Not that she hated me, but it was more like thinly-veiled disdain. All of the emotions of those days came rushing upon me. I expected her to rail on me because Connor knocked Cam’s front teeth out. The pit of my stomach was in turmoil. As you might guess, I’m not good with some situations like that -- at least I was as a 6 month pregnant very young mother.
Anyway, to my delight and surprise, as I walked up to Miranda in the parking lot when she was escorting that little doll Cameron to her SUV, I had a mind to apologize. As soon as I opened my mouth, she put her hand up in a gesture to stop me. I stopped. And this is almost word-for-word of what she said, “Don’t worry about Cameron’s teeth, they were gonna fall out this summer anyway and he most likely deserved what he got. Sister Agnes has been telling me about his bullying of Connor and you can bet we’re putting a stop to it.
I was so relieved and so grateful. We became friends after that. Not close friends, but the kind of ladies who have lunch together every three or four months.
I think about Miranda quite often and Connor is now 28. She became a model to me when it comes to similar situations and even difficult situations, which are far different.
I have had many an experience with the "Mr. Calm and Collected" type. The nice guys, the do-gooders, the self-appointed upholders of decorum who don't give the faintest niggly tickly little hint of a fuck about whether or not someone who is out of line might actually be right. I mean, unhinged behaviour is certainly detrimental to one's argument, but keeping a cool head in the face of open hostility or blinding stupidity is damn near impossible, and personally, my patience well is bone-fucking-dry.
I have many, many articles on my old WordPress blog about the subject, including a few where I use the creator of Bracing Views as an example: all style, no substantive lesson, constant moral grandstanding, nothing original (including several instances of outright plagiarism) and an overabundance of doublethink. Turn over that rotten blog, and underneath the veneer of "let's all be nice and get along" is a lying, hateful, censorious twat. If he's one of the SAN, I wouldn't be remotely surprised; according to him, I'm a fascist.
All that being said, sometimes, two parties in vehement disagreement can both have valid points, they just don't realise that they are each working with only half the picture, such as the ancom vs. tankie debates. It's a far more common occurrence that both will be flat-out wrong, and that's where the commie vs. fashy (actual fashies, by the way, not simply anyone the Marxists don't like) debates fall. In any given case, there can be only one right answer, but *infinite* wrong ones.
Yeah, I have a hard time understanding that guy's appeal. I'm sure he has some good perspectives but it's hard to listen to him because of how he comes across.
Most of the woke were the hall monitors that would run to the Principle Office if someone was 15 seconds late to class. Now they’re the toast of major institutions.
Josh, I just had someone tell me to “calm down” and they informed me that my interpretation was of their comment was wrong (it wasn’t). Thanks to your influence, I politely told him I was already calm, pointed out why I said what I said, and informed him that I didn’t need him to police my level of arousal. And blocked him. It felt very “calming!” Thanks for your insight.
🤣 The Absolute Fastest Way to anger me is for someone to tell me to “calm down”. The condescension is off the charts with that comment. Love your response.
Some people have a dodgy moral compass. It doesn't DO anything. And when they see someone who has a functioning moral compass react decisively, it seems utterly alien to them. I mean like something manifesting from another dimension. With these people there's no room to have a conversation about different answers to the "trolley problem." They don't see a problem other than you. You're the problem.
The kindergarten teacher morality leads to passive aggressive horse shit. I was raised by mom who told me, when I had come running to her in tears one too many times, to “make a fist. Like this! Now go punch him (the tormentor) in the nose and if you do not make him cry, I will make you cry.” I was 5, my tormentor was 6. I was also a girl, and he was a boy. So this is a gender neutral lesson, lol
This is not in any parenting book, people would have a conniption fit now, but here’s what happened: I socked my tormentor in the nose. It became immediately bloody. He burst into tears and ran home. His mother gave him an ice bag and told him he had it coming. My tormentor and I grew up to be best friends and as we grew he was actually much less athletic and was very “nerdy”, so I became his protector. At one point I whispered to him, after he got very banged up in a street tackle football game, not to cry because “these guys like to make people cry.” Can’t let them see you cry, dude. This is a LIFE LESSON, btw
So that’s wtf is wrong with all the bullies and their enablers: They needed a punch in the nose but now it’s too late. So next time Mr. Calm sticks his nose where it doesn’t belong, tell Gandhi to fuck off and mind his own never minds. He’s not the arbiter of how much or little passion belongs in an argument, English is your first language so you don’t need an interpreter, and no one appointed him referee.
I don’t get why more people aren’t taught how to handle bullies, regardless of how they wear their hair. ❤️
I’ve had a lot of experience with this type. They can’t bear to pronounce one side wrong. It brings them out in a rash. They have a reputation to maintain which blinds them to reality. Quite infuriating.
When I was doing battle with my sociopathic brother, who wanted to bleed my demented (narcissistic) mother dry of all assets before she died, which would have left her unable to go into care, her “helpful” friend intervened to declare we were both equally concerned about my mother and must find a way to cooperate. She wouldn’t hear a word about the tens of thousands of $ he’d already extracted from her and the rest he planned to keep gouging. So very NOT “helpful and caring”.
This applies to politics too. All too often the uninformed public sees the left and right quarreling and dismisses them both as if they are just like little children who just can’t get along as though there no substantive differences.
To be more explicit, the Democrats do something underhanded but it is not covered by the media. Then the Republicans respond and the media runs with the “Republicans pounce” story.
This "morality" is what the left depends on. The provocations of Drag Queen Story Hour, Antifa, anti-white racism, etc. are all intended to generate a reaction which will, in turn, cause the average sleepwalking citizen to blame the victim for the reaction. Call out the provocation for what it is.
I have experienced the spiritually conscious version of Kindergarden teacher morality. The type who inserts herself into my thread, tells me I need to have balance, that both me and the originally antagonistic person are both right and want the same things, gives her interpretation that makes me the wrong one and then blesses me with love and light & Namaste. This person is a drain.
Yes. For me, it's more than a drain, it's anger-provoking. I'm even angrier at Mr. Calm and Collected than I am at the original baiter. The original baiter was just a garden-variety emotionally immature gay man who was not able to hear "children need a mother and a father, and no, two mothers or fathers are not as good" without melting down. Then followed accusations about how awful I am, implications that I'm working with his enemy to keep gays down, that I hate myself, etc. I'm sure you're familiar with the type.
They're a dime a dozen, and I can let them roll off my back and simply use their tweets to illustrate those tactics to others.
Mr. Calm and Collected, though? His type? They disturb me on a much deeper level. They're the ones who you think of in the vaguely friendly or at least not-hostile category. And then, boom. They come in and do a both sides when there's a clear (and unstable, emotional, projecting) aggressor.
It's Twitter, not real life. It's small and fleeting, not of the importance of a real relationship. Granted. But the feeling I get is in the same neighborhood that friendship betrayal lives in.
Mr Calm and Collected revels in drama porn and stoking fires between strangers. These types are the puppet masters that swoop into an existing friend group to turn them against each other to destroy the group while believing they’re good people helping out. Their specific brand of malice can leave a lasting impression in your psyche that continues to haunt long after the shitty exchange. I’ve definitely experienced this on various platforms and IRL.
Yes, I recognize the type you cite. They are numerous. I don't *think* my current one is actually malicious (but I've been mistaken in that direction, too). But yeah, the cumulative experiences with him and others have left a mark on my mind.
Obviously. I felt compelled to write this. It lingers.
The condescension is so thick it’s like a physical blow🙄, I can so relate to this.
And some don't see it. This guy, I really believe, doesn't consciously mean to be condescending, but that's what he does.
I don't think he's awful, in fact, I think he's thoughtful in many ways. But he's too badly misguided on this, consistently, for me to tolerate. Bums me out.
Condescension is usually not premeditated, in my opinion. Thats what makes it so jarring, especially when it comes out of nowhere. A simple” That’s interesting, I see xyz differently” usually doesn’t elicit the same reaction that hard core schooling attempts do. I get it!
Yeah. I think I know what you mean. And yes, it's infuriating. It really can be worse than the person who made me upset in the first place.
Don't know if this is what it is in your case, but sometimes I think it is someone who does not take the time to acclimate to a group or conversation. He may be well meaning, but he doesn't realize he needs to scroll up and read everything, or maybe even just let it go until he "reads the room" so to speak. What I tend to assume from that, myself, is that he's not used to having to "read the room." He's used to his interpretation being the default one, most of the time.
I used to have quite a bit of this "Mr. Calm and Collected" in me, so I might be able to give you some insight on this. It often starts with a feeling of belonging to two conflicted parties. And when they get into conflict, you want to mediate a peace between them. The problem is that the sane and rational actor is the one that can be reasoned with- and so they often end up being targeted to sacrifice their integrity for the peace. The only thing that confuses me is why anybody would think there's any reason to do this publicly online. That sounds kind of psychotic, and only really makes sense as some sort of attempt at 'gentleman' flexing.
This is similar to the Kindergarten teacher, but she has more of an interest in 'keeping the peace' and asserting her authority, so its a little different.
This guy is always the worst closet misogynist too, in my experience.
"The real action is your target's reaction" is straight out of the activist playbook at beautifultrouble.org. By having no discernment and effectively defending the provoker, they defend abuse and give activists a shield to shut down any response. You can also call them Very Smart People. Or Rose from the Disney Star Wars.
Why do people feel so guilty about ban hammering people? Someone pisses me off I ban hammer them on social media with a full block unless they are an IRL friend. These are parasocial relationships you don't have to treat internet randos like old friends.
Yep. Ban the SOBs back to the stone age.
I was brought up to turn the other cheek, and my default mode is live-and-let-live, but I’ve finally gotten to the point of drawing the line and cutting off people who are spreading toxic waste on social media. Not ignoring, not unfollowing, but unfriending, including a few people I know IRL. They’re simply not worth my time anymore.
The argument I've heard against it is that banning people is like closing yourself off into an ideological bubble. But I think most mature people understand the difference between someone who politely disagrees with you, or who is just being disruptive and rude
Like I don't already know what woke assholes think, lol. It is literally forced in your face 24/7.
I don't think banning people puts anyone into an ideological bubble. You shouldn't be required to engage with people that you don't want to. But social media algorithms certainly create bubbles, it's just conveniently ignored most of the time
Twitter mute lists and ban-happy forums have created deliberate bubbles. I can imagine people accidentally creating one for themselves.
The bubble argument is bullshit. The commies are utterly predictable on any topic, so why let them spew their babble into your comments? What do you gain by it? As if you will hear something from them that you've never heard before? 🙄
Exactly why I keep my comments on paid. I will happily comp someone who can't afford to pay, but I will not allow the woke commies to infiltrate and spread their mind virus.
Good for you. Nobody has a right to have access to you. You have every right to block or mute when you wish to do so. No apologies for it whatsoever. Whack em' and stack em' Raven!
I actually laughed out loud at whack em' and stack em'. I think I woke up the dog on the couch. :-)
The logic of those who are critical of me goes like this: the thing some idiot says or does to me is never really a problem. But if I don't like it and say so, then that's the actual problem. In that way, I am always cast as the One Who Is Wrong. That's lose-lose morality.
I’d never thought of it in that way. Diabolical, really.
I actually have run into this many times, but I’ve also (rarely) run into the ideal.
When our oldest was barely 5 and we had just begun homeschooling, I took him twice a week to what’s called a “Mother’s Day Out” program. It was on Tuesday and Thursday and lasted from 8:00am to 12:00pm. The purpose was to give mothers time to go to the grocery store, a doctor appointment, or just get a breather.
Anyway, Connor told me almost each time about two other little boys (it was an all boy program) who separately picked on him and quite brutally. I never saw any physical bruises or anything, but they pushed him down, were mean, etc.
I talked to the “teacher,” of course who admitted she had witnessed it and was doing her best to stop it. I instructed Connor never ever to start anything, but that if one of those boys physically hit him or pushed him, he had our permission to hit right back and as hard as he could. He had NEVER hit back. We told him that even if he got in trouble at “school,” that he wouldn’t be in trouble at home.
So things moved along to the very last day of the program. I got a call about an hour before I was to pick him up. The sister (it was run by wonderful nuns) told me he had knocked Cameron’s two front teeth out.
I was mortified. Not only because that’s quite a punch from a boy who was a head shorter than anyone else, but also because I went to college with Cameron’s mother, Miranda. Miranda had been in the same athletic program as me and she didn’t care much for me back then. Not that she hated me, but it was more like thinly-veiled disdain. All of the emotions of those days came rushing upon me. I expected her to rail on me because Connor knocked Cam’s front teeth out. The pit of my stomach was in turmoil. As you might guess, I’m not good with some situations like that -- at least I was as a 6 month pregnant very young mother.
Anyway, to my delight and surprise, as I walked up to Miranda in the parking lot when she was escorting that little doll Cameron to her SUV, I had a mind to apologize. As soon as I opened my mouth, she put her hand up in a gesture to stop me. I stopped. And this is almost word-for-word of what she said, “Don’t worry about Cameron’s teeth, they were gonna fall out this summer anyway and he most likely deserved what he got. Sister Agnes has been telling me about his bullying of Connor and you can bet we’re putting a stop to it.
I was so relieved and so grateful. We became friends after that. Not close friends, but the kind of ladies who have lunch together every three or four months.
I think about Miranda quite often and Connor is now 28. She became a model to me when it comes to similar situations and even difficult situations, which are far different.
I have had many an experience with the "Mr. Calm and Collected" type. The nice guys, the do-gooders, the self-appointed upholders of decorum who don't give the faintest niggly tickly little hint of a fuck about whether or not someone who is out of line might actually be right. I mean, unhinged behaviour is certainly detrimental to one's argument, but keeping a cool head in the face of open hostility or blinding stupidity is damn near impossible, and personally, my patience well is bone-fucking-dry.
I have many, many articles on my old WordPress blog about the subject, including a few where I use the creator of Bracing Views as an example: all style, no substantive lesson, constant moral grandstanding, nothing original (including several instances of outright plagiarism) and an overabundance of doublethink. Turn over that rotten blog, and underneath the veneer of "let's all be nice and get along" is a lying, hateful, censorious twat. If he's one of the SAN, I wouldn't be remotely surprised; according to him, I'm a fascist.
All that being said, sometimes, two parties in vehement disagreement can both have valid points, they just don't realise that they are each working with only half the picture, such as the ancom vs. tankie debates. It's a far more common occurrence that both will be flat-out wrong, and that's where the commie vs. fashy (actual fashies, by the way, not simply anyone the Marxists don't like) debates fall. In any given case, there can be only one right answer, but *infinite* wrong ones.
Sam Harris's smug face keeps coming to mind. He is the ultimate "Mr. Calm and Collected".
Yeah, I have a hard time understanding that guy's appeal. I'm sure he has some good perspectives but it's hard to listen to him because of how he comes across.
Most of the woke were the hall monitors that would run to the Principle Office if someone was 15 seconds late to class. Now they’re the toast of major institutions.
Josh, I just had someone tell me to “calm down” and they informed me that my interpretation was of their comment was wrong (it wasn’t). Thanks to your influence, I politely told him I was already calm, pointed out why I said what I said, and informed him that I didn’t need him to police my level of arousal. And blocked him. It felt very “calming!” Thanks for your insight.
🤣 The Absolute Fastest Way to anger me is for someone to tell me to “calm down”. The condescension is off the charts with that comment. Love your response.
Right?! It’s so insulting and parental.
Good for you, sister, keep it up.
Some people have a dodgy moral compass. It doesn't DO anything. And when they see someone who has a functioning moral compass react decisively, it seems utterly alien to them. I mean like something manifesting from another dimension. With these people there's no room to have a conversation about different answers to the "trolley problem." They don't see a problem other than you. You're the problem.
Nah he’s trying to feel morally or intellectually superior. Mute away.
The kindergarten teacher morality leads to passive aggressive horse shit. I was raised by mom who told me, when I had come running to her in tears one too many times, to “make a fist. Like this! Now go punch him (the tormentor) in the nose and if you do not make him cry, I will make you cry.” I was 5, my tormentor was 6. I was also a girl, and he was a boy. So this is a gender neutral lesson, lol
This is not in any parenting book, people would have a conniption fit now, but here’s what happened: I socked my tormentor in the nose. It became immediately bloody. He burst into tears and ran home. His mother gave him an ice bag and told him he had it coming. My tormentor and I grew up to be best friends and as we grew he was actually much less athletic and was very “nerdy”, so I became his protector. At one point I whispered to him, after he got very banged up in a street tackle football game, not to cry because “these guys like to make people cry.” Can’t let them see you cry, dude. This is a LIFE LESSON, btw
So that’s wtf is wrong with all the bullies and their enablers: They needed a punch in the nose but now it’s too late. So next time Mr. Calm sticks his nose where it doesn’t belong, tell Gandhi to fuck off and mind his own never minds. He’s not the arbiter of how much or little passion belongs in an argument, English is your first language so you don’t need an interpreter, and no one appointed him referee.
I don’t get why more people aren’t taught how to handle bullies, regardless of how they wear their hair. ❤️
I’ve had a lot of experience with this type. They can’t bear to pronounce one side wrong. It brings them out in a rash. They have a reputation to maintain which blinds them to reality. Quite infuriating.
When I was doing battle with my sociopathic brother, who wanted to bleed my demented (narcissistic) mother dry of all assets before she died, which would have left her unable to go into care, her “helpful” friend intervened to declare we were both equally concerned about my mother and must find a way to cooperate. She wouldn’t hear a word about the tens of thousands of $ he’d already extracted from her and the rest he planned to keep gouging. So very NOT “helpful and caring”.
This applies to politics too. All too often the uninformed public sees the left and right quarreling and dismisses them both as if they are just like little children who just can’t get along as though there no substantive differences.
To be more explicit, the Democrats do something underhanded but it is not covered by the media. Then the Republicans respond and the media runs with the “Republicans pounce” story.
This.