I wish I had known I had the power to quit drinking earlier than I did. My hope for this post is that it plants a seed in someone’s mind that may be helpful when their quit day arrives. People quit drinking in all sorts of ways. Some do Alcoholics Anonymous. Some do addiction-specific therapy. Some turn to a spiritual advisor for help and strength. Some do it cold turkey.
Clarity is everything, I think. Major changes are never easy, but when they're what a person *really wants*, they're nearly always achievable. Twice in my life, I've realized that something I was doing regularly was very destructive, and tried hard for a long time to stop. Thought I wanted to, and to some extent I did want to, but didn't *really* want to. Both times, when I got enough clarity that I REALLY wanted to stop, the amount of effort it took to abstain dropped from 10 to like 5-6. Went from agonizingly painful and stressful to requiring a decent percentage of my willpower, but nothing I couldn't handle. And getting some real clarity is the only thing that changed. (Feel free to ask me for details in private, if you wish.)
I supported a family member in rehab because the program allowed relatives to participate in some of the sessions. For almost a week we sat in on the sessions together and it was an eye opener in terms of what we learned about addiction. The group was warned to expect relapses even while going to AA meetings. After several months the relapses never happened and my relative felt bad and embarrassed sitting there in AA meetings listening to others constantly struggling to quit, having some small victories, only to backslide into Hell again. He finally left AA because he felt like an imposter being there. I wondered if that was such a good idea but that was over ten years ago and he has been sober ever since. He was lucky. I don't believe that addiction is one-size-fits-all and the first stop on the journey of self-discovery is to find out just where you fit in.
Myself? I think there's a lot wrong with the AA model. Empirically, it simply doesn't work for most people. And whenever one states that, the following is necessary: "Of course I'm not saying it didn't work for your Uncle who used it successfully, now stop personalizing and understand that general objective analysis is real and not affected by your Uncle's personal success."
The "you're not in control" message of AA is in direct contradiction to my personality, and to my ability to make decisions for myself. Had I internalized that, I don't know if I would have made the choice I made.
I have those issues with AA and theirs alike too, and find it a little sad that so much of theire ideology are seeping in to almost all recovery and networks that deals with alcohol and drugs. At least its like that here in Norway, and I am very opposed to much of the messaging and are of the opinion that. It does harm. Its cultish, very often. Also, many of them have the tendency to make the addict just as addicted - but now to the program. The world are still to be narrow, and noen should never get totally free and healthy! I am not to happy that i feel this way, but i do. I know AA and NA helped a zillion people, and I am happy and thankfull for that. But I am so sceptical to so much with it. Many of the steps are seriously unhealthy, and i think its to bad that si many of the systems are on this variety. Part of the reason i hust wanted to quit with no help. That system would oroblaby make me wanna drink, even now. I am neither a fan of the idea that vulnerable people are supposed to take down what they might have left of some worn boundaries and just trust. Many of this people really need MORE and healtheier bouandaries, not less, and also to know that people need to earn their confidence, not just demand it, even if its written in some book.
There's also the fact that AA and NA are hunting grounds for cluster Bs and predators. Many are court mandated to attend and thus find victims in the rooms.
Josh, I should clarify that the rehab we went to had no association with AA. It was science-based but did not denigrate the spiritual. One point I recall was the two types of addictions: chemical addictions were harder to conquer than psychological addiction. I think my relative had a psychological addiction because once he made up his mind to quit, he just did. I found that this wasn't so easy for other people I met in the program who I suspect had a physical craving. I'm no expert so I really don't know.
I did quit drinking too, and i feel so much better! I didnt even consider myself a drunk, thats some denial - so much time, and so much money...I spent on either drinking, worrying on something rekated to drinking or with regretting it. My friends and I was some regular barflies, so it was the social thing with it too. But why? I felt I was drinking to have a more confident persona my friends could enjoy more, and that drinking made me funnier, edgier, and ..more sociable! 😳.And, the main one, less anxious. I cant belive I felt that. Actually, I did spend so much time and energy regretting myself doing dumb choiches and finding myself obnoxious, and I am pretty sure my friends dont like me more when drunk either.
I just stopped. Or maybe it had been bliding up to some. I just didnt care for it anymore. Now its been around three years. I feel happier, more in touch with my values, I have time for my books and hobbies, and for my good friends, and my cat, and for strangers too. I made some new friends, I have started a yogapracsis, and are not quitting THAT, and are able to have patience, focus and calm to finish what i start. I keep my garden nekter, I eat healthier, and sleep better. I have so much more to offer, to my self and to others. I wouldnt have belived it was so much to gain with quitting drinking if somebody told me some years ago, but its so worth it. Another thing is money. I am Norwegian, and everything here is somewhat very pricy, especially alcohol. Now, I can mostly afford it, if I would like to get a new book, go to a birhdayparty, or just DO something, else than drinking. When i think of what a drink here costs, I am seriously puzzked how I managed to stay intoxicated so much of the time!
Also, I am lucky enough that i dont need to turn fanatical. If I fancy a drink every third month or so, I do allow my self one, and irs fine. I dont feel like more, and its good to be able to enjoy a good glass of something and not ending up staying awake all night to restlessly get some stage of shitfaced.
I dont know whats up with that, but I seem to notice that there really are many nice and good people that do decide to stop drinking the later years. Or maybe i just notice cause i stopped it too. Anyways, it really is a good thing, and I am very happy for you, that you did! 🙂 And the best of luck to those who would like too! 🙂🤗👍🏻I agree...Its only a couple of months that are harsh. I wasnt happy with taking up my contact with me again, sober, either. I had some years to pick a bone about with myself too! Now «weˋre friends again» and I am not angry and ashamed with myself in the way I could be while I used to drink at all. It was seriously one of the best ideas i ever had to quit drinking. No doubt.
Jun 14, 2023·edited Jun 14, 2023Liked by Josh Slocum
so true. i am sober almost 6 months now and still in recovery. the first 3-4 months were terrible with crippling panic attacks and constant horrific anxiety but i pushed thru. Like u i didnt crave the drink right away i craved the numbing. the drink to make it all feel better. make reality easier to cope with. to make time go by faster. to ease the “boredom” to make me feel more alive even tho i drank to oblivion everynight. its just wine! everyone drinks wine. its on tshirts and plaques and bumper stickers. so what if i have it in the car, in the garage, poured in water bottles so no one else sees it. in my night table for easy reach. im fine. im good. i dont have a problem. such bullshit. sober has been hard. im bored. i dont feel fun even tho drunk i was not fun to be around. time goes slower cause u have to think thru the hours of the day. but that is getting better, too. I agree u have to stop for u. not ur spouse. u have to tired of the feeling like shit morning every morning with horrific anxiety because u cant remember what happened the night before. I feel so much better now. energy is better. skin looks better. dropped 10 pounds pretty much right away because i ate like shit when i drank. life is so much better but its taken me 6 months to get here and sometimes its hard to go to a restaurant and see people drink without feeling like i have been left out. but that will come with time. i know it will cause im so much better now than i was during the first 3-4 months. You can do it. If i can, u can. but. actually recovery dealing with ptsd and anxiety is the way. u have to face WHY u drink in the first place. I didnt do AA. Didnt want the higher power aspect driving it. CBT helped me. Figuring out what emotions or thought are really at the root of my anxiety. most of the time the reall thought we autopopulate in our mind is all madeup bullshit and negativity we dont even know we are thinking and shoulding all over ourselves constantly.
November 2020 just before my 65th birthday. You describe the after effects just right- the demons, regret, and shame for my actions under the influence still torment me but I’m giving myself a chance to deal and heal. Very well written and thank you
This hits home. I quit after attending my alcoholic mothers death. Awful. Went cold turkey also, with a little trick others might find useful.
I took care of the muscle memory part of the drinking habit by keeping a glass of water next to me and whenever I had the desire to drink, like every 30seconds it felt like at the beginning, I would drink. That way I satisfied the “habit” part of the problem because I wasn’t changing the activity, except as to what was in the glass. It only took three days to get used to the new taste, and I didn’t suffer the transition. After six weeks, I was able to join others in a toast without triggering any relapse, except now, the wine tasted like shit. Happy trails and best wishes to all of you who are discovering the fun of taking charge of your health.
“Necessary suffering.” Such an incredibly important concept to grasp. Some suffering is absolutely necessary for growth. I’ve seen the results in my own life as well.
congrats ! and good post. It's been 15 years for me now and i'm still very content and happy that i left the alcohol and drugs behind.
for those newly trying this it does get better. it can and will get to the point where you don't miss it at all and don't ever wanna go back to it. yes, you can do it. Find what seems to work and dive in. Thanks Josh!! this needs to be talked about more.
Josh – you made my little day. I've always thought alcohol is, by far, the most dangerous and destructive drug on the planet. If a genie appeared in front of me and told me he'd get rid of heroine or alcohol at my command, choose one, I'd choose alcohol in an instant.
I quit a little more than three years ago for the final time. I did a lot of what Paul Churchill (Recovery Elevator) calls "field research." Each time I picked back up, it became a little clearer that drinking wasn't working for me anymore. I now understand I needed to prove that to myself, crazy as it seems. I haven't had any cravings, but I never assume cravings won't happen again. All I know is I NEVER want to experience another hangover as long as I live. I relied on sobriety podcasts for support. My first one was HOME with Laura McKowen and Holly Whitaker (who annoys me now, but I appreciated her early on), and then I found Recovery Elevator, This Naked Mind, The Bubble Hour, and The Drunkalogues. Though I don't listen regularly like I did in those early days, I still catch episodes now and then and they feel like friends to me. Josh, I'm so glad you managed to quit, too. Life on the other side of drinking isn't perfect, but it's so much better.
Congratulations, Josh. It's been over 15 years for me. Like you, I wish I'd done it sooner, but I'm thankful for the time I have been free of alcohol. There were major adjustments, in terms of people, places, and thi gs. I lost "friends" (drinking buddies), and found solitude to grow on me. Working on healing my mind from the effects of my narcissistic family system has helped to address the why of the desire to drink to oblivion. One big adjustment is being able to trust myself. No longer do I need to try to out-maneuver Drunk AquaTeal. Drunk AquaTeal isn't here to sabotage and destroy everything I have anymore. It's such a time saver!
July 9th will be 14 years free from crack or cocaine. I very much dislike AA and that whole approach to addiction it’s cultish and shallow. I don’t wish anything different because then I would not be who I am and everything on this very painful joyous bone rattling journey has been a lesson and an opportunity to be who I was meant to be -- me.
I had to go the rehab and AA meetings for a while. I was a daily blackout drinker. (One relapse in 1993). It gave me so much freedom when I quit.
I let myself eat as much chocolate as I wanted when I quit. It helped. I cut back since.
Clarity is everything, I think. Major changes are never easy, but when they're what a person *really wants*, they're nearly always achievable. Twice in my life, I've realized that something I was doing regularly was very destructive, and tried hard for a long time to stop. Thought I wanted to, and to some extent I did want to, but didn't *really* want to. Both times, when I got enough clarity that I REALLY wanted to stop, the amount of effort it took to abstain dropped from 10 to like 5-6. Went from agonizingly painful and stressful to requiring a decent percentage of my willpower, but nothing I couldn't handle. And getting some real clarity is the only thing that changed. (Feel free to ask me for details in private, if you wish.)
I supported a family member in rehab because the program allowed relatives to participate in some of the sessions. For almost a week we sat in on the sessions together and it was an eye opener in terms of what we learned about addiction. The group was warned to expect relapses even while going to AA meetings. After several months the relapses never happened and my relative felt bad and embarrassed sitting there in AA meetings listening to others constantly struggling to quit, having some small victories, only to backslide into Hell again. He finally left AA because he felt like an imposter being there. I wondered if that was such a good idea but that was over ten years ago and he has been sober ever since. He was lucky. I don't believe that addiction is one-size-fits-all and the first stop on the journey of self-discovery is to find out just where you fit in.
Yes.
Myself? I think there's a lot wrong with the AA model. Empirically, it simply doesn't work for most people. And whenever one states that, the following is necessary: "Of course I'm not saying it didn't work for your Uncle who used it successfully, now stop personalizing and understand that general objective analysis is real and not affected by your Uncle's personal success."
The "you're not in control" message of AA is in direct contradiction to my personality, and to my ability to make decisions for myself. Had I internalized that, I don't know if I would have made the choice I made.
I have those issues with AA and theirs alike too, and find it a little sad that so much of theire ideology are seeping in to almost all recovery and networks that deals with alcohol and drugs. At least its like that here in Norway, and I am very opposed to much of the messaging and are of the opinion that. It does harm. Its cultish, very often. Also, many of them have the tendency to make the addict just as addicted - but now to the program. The world are still to be narrow, and noen should never get totally free and healthy! I am not to happy that i feel this way, but i do. I know AA and NA helped a zillion people, and I am happy and thankfull for that. But I am so sceptical to so much with it. Many of the steps are seriously unhealthy, and i think its to bad that si many of the systems are on this variety. Part of the reason i hust wanted to quit with no help. That system would oroblaby make me wanna drink, even now. I am neither a fan of the idea that vulnerable people are supposed to take down what they might have left of some worn boundaries and just trust. Many of this people really need MORE and healtheier bouandaries, not less, and also to know that people need to earn their confidence, not just demand it, even if its written in some book.
There's also the fact that AA and NA are hunting grounds for cluster Bs and predators. Many are court mandated to attend and thus find victims in the rooms.
Josh, I should clarify that the rehab we went to had no association with AA. It was science-based but did not denigrate the spiritual. One point I recall was the two types of addictions: chemical addictions were harder to conquer than psychological addiction. I think my relative had a psychological addiction because once he made up his mind to quit, he just did. I found that this wasn't so easy for other people I met in the program who I suspect had a physical craving. I'm no expert so I really don't know.
Oh, sorry. That was my brain interpolating.
I did quit drinking too, and i feel so much better! I didnt even consider myself a drunk, thats some denial - so much time, and so much money...I spent on either drinking, worrying on something rekated to drinking or with regretting it. My friends and I was some regular barflies, so it was the social thing with it too. But why? I felt I was drinking to have a more confident persona my friends could enjoy more, and that drinking made me funnier, edgier, and ..more sociable! 😳.And, the main one, less anxious. I cant belive I felt that. Actually, I did spend so much time and energy regretting myself doing dumb choiches and finding myself obnoxious, and I am pretty sure my friends dont like me more when drunk either.
I just stopped. Or maybe it had been bliding up to some. I just didnt care for it anymore. Now its been around three years. I feel happier, more in touch with my values, I have time for my books and hobbies, and for my good friends, and my cat, and for strangers too. I made some new friends, I have started a yogapracsis, and are not quitting THAT, and are able to have patience, focus and calm to finish what i start. I keep my garden nekter, I eat healthier, and sleep better. I have so much more to offer, to my self and to others. I wouldnt have belived it was so much to gain with quitting drinking if somebody told me some years ago, but its so worth it. Another thing is money. I am Norwegian, and everything here is somewhat very pricy, especially alcohol. Now, I can mostly afford it, if I would like to get a new book, go to a birhdayparty, or just DO something, else than drinking. When i think of what a drink here costs, I am seriously puzzked how I managed to stay intoxicated so much of the time!
Also, I am lucky enough that i dont need to turn fanatical. If I fancy a drink every third month or so, I do allow my self one, and irs fine. I dont feel like more, and its good to be able to enjoy a good glass of something and not ending up staying awake all night to restlessly get some stage of shitfaced.
I dont know whats up with that, but I seem to notice that there really are many nice and good people that do decide to stop drinking the later years. Or maybe i just notice cause i stopped it too. Anyways, it really is a good thing, and I am very happy for you, that you did! 🙂 And the best of luck to those who would like too! 🙂🤗👍🏻I agree...Its only a couple of months that are harsh. I wasnt happy with taking up my contact with me again, sober, either. I had some years to pick a bone about with myself too! Now «weˋre friends again» and I am not angry and ashamed with myself in the way I could be while I used to drink at all. It was seriously one of the best ideas i ever had to quit drinking. No doubt.
Congratulations. What a good outcome:)
so true. i am sober almost 6 months now and still in recovery. the first 3-4 months were terrible with crippling panic attacks and constant horrific anxiety but i pushed thru. Like u i didnt crave the drink right away i craved the numbing. the drink to make it all feel better. make reality easier to cope with. to make time go by faster. to ease the “boredom” to make me feel more alive even tho i drank to oblivion everynight. its just wine! everyone drinks wine. its on tshirts and plaques and bumper stickers. so what if i have it in the car, in the garage, poured in water bottles so no one else sees it. in my night table for easy reach. im fine. im good. i dont have a problem. such bullshit. sober has been hard. im bored. i dont feel fun even tho drunk i was not fun to be around. time goes slower cause u have to think thru the hours of the day. but that is getting better, too. I agree u have to stop for u. not ur spouse. u have to tired of the feeling like shit morning every morning with horrific anxiety because u cant remember what happened the night before. I feel so much better now. energy is better. skin looks better. dropped 10 pounds pretty much right away because i ate like shit when i drank. life is so much better but its taken me 6 months to get here and sometimes its hard to go to a restaurant and see people drink without feeling like i have been left out. but that will come with time. i know it will cause im so much better now than i was during the first 3-4 months. You can do it. If i can, u can. but. actually recovery dealing with ptsd and anxiety is the way. u have to face WHY u drink in the first place. I didnt do AA. Didnt want the higher power aspect driving it. CBT helped me. Figuring out what emotions or thought are really at the root of my anxiety. most of the time the reall thought we autopopulate in our mind is all madeup bullshit and negativity we dont even know we are thinking and shoulding all over ourselves constantly.
November 2020 just before my 65th birthday. You describe the after effects just right- the demons, regret, and shame for my actions under the influence still torment me but I’m giving myself a chance to deal and heal. Very well written and thank you
This hits home. I quit after attending my alcoholic mothers death. Awful. Went cold turkey also, with a little trick others might find useful.
I took care of the muscle memory part of the drinking habit by keeping a glass of water next to me and whenever I had the desire to drink, like every 30seconds it felt like at the beginning, I would drink. That way I satisfied the “habit” part of the problem because I wasn’t changing the activity, except as to what was in the glass. It only took three days to get used to the new taste, and I didn’t suffer the transition. After six weeks, I was able to join others in a toast without triggering any relapse, except now, the wine tasted like shit. Happy trails and best wishes to all of you who are discovering the fun of taking charge of your health.
“Necessary suffering.” Such an incredibly important concept to grasp. Some suffering is absolutely necessary for growth. I’ve seen the results in my own life as well.
For all your “harsh”ness what I hear from you Josh is mostly love. Right back at you!
congrats ! and good post. It's been 15 years for me now and i'm still very content and happy that i left the alcohol and drugs behind.
for those newly trying this it does get better. it can and will get to the point where you don't miss it at all and don't ever wanna go back to it. yes, you can do it. Find what seems to work and dive in. Thanks Josh!! this needs to be talked about more.
Hey ho, friend from another show. Thanks. Congratulations on 15 years.
I've been lucky not to miss it much; I know that's not the case for many people.
Thanks!! Good to see you on here. Keep up the good fight xo
Josh – you made my little day. I've always thought alcohol is, by far, the most dangerous and destructive drug on the planet. If a genie appeared in front of me and told me he'd get rid of heroine or alcohol at my command, choose one, I'd choose alcohol in an instant.
I quit a little more than three years ago for the final time. I did a lot of what Paul Churchill (Recovery Elevator) calls "field research." Each time I picked back up, it became a little clearer that drinking wasn't working for me anymore. I now understand I needed to prove that to myself, crazy as it seems. I haven't had any cravings, but I never assume cravings won't happen again. All I know is I NEVER want to experience another hangover as long as I live. I relied on sobriety podcasts for support. My first one was HOME with Laura McKowen and Holly Whitaker (who annoys me now, but I appreciated her early on), and then I found Recovery Elevator, This Naked Mind, The Bubble Hour, and The Drunkalogues. Though I don't listen regularly like I did in those early days, I still catch episodes now and then and they feel like friends to me. Josh, I'm so glad you managed to quit, too. Life on the other side of drinking isn't perfect, but it's so much better.
Congratulations, Josh. It's been over 15 years for me. Like you, I wish I'd done it sooner, but I'm thankful for the time I have been free of alcohol. There were major adjustments, in terms of people, places, and thi gs. I lost "friends" (drinking buddies), and found solitude to grow on me. Working on healing my mind from the effects of my narcissistic family system has helped to address the why of the desire to drink to oblivion. One big adjustment is being able to trust myself. No longer do I need to try to out-maneuver Drunk AquaTeal. Drunk AquaTeal isn't here to sabotage and destroy everything I have anymore. It's such a time saver!
July 9th will be 14 years free from crack or cocaine. I very much dislike AA and that whole approach to addiction it’s cultish and shallow. I don’t wish anything different because then I would not be who I am and everything on this very painful joyous bone rattling journey has been a lesson and an opportunity to be who I was meant to be -- me.
Congratulations on getting through those times, Josh. And thank you for opening up and sharing.