This isn’t polished, but it’s the best I can do right now, readers. I can barely get through the basics right now; being able to write anything at all is a minor miracle. After everything that has happened in the past 7 years, half the country really does think it's "crazy" and "bigoted" to not welcome millions of illegal aliens. They believe it's "hateful" to stop children from being mutilated in the name of trans.
I won't try to cheer you up, but I will remind you of this: if the 2015 versions of Holly and Josh got a glimpse of the 2024 versions, they'd have been horrified beyond words. You'd have assumed that you must get a brain tumor in 2023 and I'd probably have just eaten a gun rather than end up on the center-right and have even one kinda-sorta thing in common with the adults of my childhood. And yet here we both are. Who would have predicted? Who'd have guessed? The state of the world may be somewhat predictable, but individuals truly aren't. Therein lies hope. ❤️❤️❤️
"I'd probably have just eaten a gun rather than end up on the center-right". pretty close to the same for me, too. I am so ashamed I told one right wing man that I didn't know why he bothered living, with such "mean" thoughts in his head about trans women and the right to abortion. I told another Christian lady that Jesus would spit in her face if she were really face-to-face with him.
And I thought I was the psychologically healthy, good person.
Something just broke me, around four or five years ago. It's like I snapped out of something, but it was a something that felt as familiar as home. Seems like this describes what happened with a lot of us. Not sure how to communicate to all the loved ones still in the delusion.
It seems like many of us on Substack have gone through this same journey.
I said to my bunny-mate today, apropos of the European farmers’ protests, that 30 years ago, those supporting the farmers would have been on the “left”, while those supporting the elites would have been on the “right”. Now — perversely — the positions are reversed. And it applies, mutatis mutandi, to so many of the political issues of our time. Maybe those of us who now find ourselves being associated with “right wing” positions, are actually still “left leaning”, according to the standards in which we grew up. I think, as always, of Colin Wright’s political cartoon (famously re-tweeted by Elon Musk):
Id say it's because the right is still center right and therefore bit too difficult to digest, however, the left has moved so far left that it is unpalatable.
I know it doesn't help for me to say, but: You're not alone with these thoughts; this grief and despair. You're not alone in realizing so much of what you thought you knew was wrong, and then facing the task of figuring out how to live with the mental, emotional, and interpersonal fallout from that. And you are loved.
Josh, I read because I appreciate your honesty. It's sad that these days it's difficult to think about the good things, what happens in the future. I mentioned the other day that if I had known what this world would have come to (today) I would not have had kids, I fear for them although they are young and pretty much not too worried and I try not to worry them.
As far as the "other" side I just leave them alone. Nothing I do or say will really get through and that includes family.
Little story.. for the last two years we have visited the same coffee shop weekly and just last week the owner said that " we didn't do enough masking et. al. for covid" but I noticed he wasn't wearing a mask cause here in Florida people are pretty much done with it. He also thinks that EV's are the best thing although you can see his gas powered BMW out back of the shop. Don't get me started.
As far as the immigrant issue I just wish everyone had to go through what my ancestor's did when they wanted to come and be part of the American Dream. That's all I ask.
It's useful to see this, thanks for posting. I wish these supposedly "educated" libs knew about Thomas Sowell. His books and interviews alone should sway most people on the fence.
Sadly, "should" is the operative word. Many "educated" liberals consider Sowell a race traitor. Those "on the fence" often lack the wherewithal to stand-up to the prevailing progressive winds so I suspect many wouldn't even give Sowell a glance.
I went through a dark and anguished state when the covid nonsense happened. In that time the world fell apart , my mother died and my middle son went into a mental health crisis in which he performing OCD rituals for 7-10 hrs per day ( not an exaggeration).
I coped with gin and tonic.
I developed agoraphobia, gained 50 lbs and had continuous anxiety.
A dark awful time indeed.
I came out of it in early 2023. Anti depressants helped as did exercise, going outdoors and reaching out to help people. I made the conscious choice to " clean my house" , so to speak.
I kept myself away from the news entirely . I sat in the coffee shop and smiled at people. I went back to church. I joined a bunch of Facebook groups and tried to offer support to people suffering with mental illness. I had to get out of my own head and give to others what I wasn't getting. Mainly support .
This too shall pass Josh, spring is around the corner .
I think you will come out of this a changed person, for the better.
Couldn't agree with you more! Stay away from the news and get into a healthy environment of like-minded people~to a certain degree we have to adapt and yet remain mentally strong to withstand this insane thinking. Stop trying to convince people unless they ask. It's time to separate from this evil and focus on God and his truth.
You are not alone. My analysis is virtually identical to yours. I've some how managed to avoid confronting the horror of it all and the implications for the medium and long term. Awful as he is, I actually hope Trump wins. My sense of depression stems from the realization that conservativeism isn't the answer and that only a revolution and and move to a second Republic will put things as right as they can made. A revolution won't be tidy but the alternative is much worse.
Try to keep in mind that Trump's targets are almost always the ones who deserve our hate: corrupt politicians and lying journalists. I get that some people hate his attitude, but he never goes after working-class Americans. He goes after the ideologues who are ruining our society.
"But is the world not also contributing to my emotional problems, and to yours, to your fears, to your reasonable worries?"
Yes, oh, yes dear Josh, it most emphatically IS.
I've been holding off on contacting you for a needed session to unburden myself of my own family-inflicted woes, but will do so today, once I finally drag myself out of bed!
C&C was a lifesaver during the worst of it(can it get worse? Probably) I read his post first thing every morning, wouldn’t miss it! Back in the day, I leaned on Rush Limbaugh to help me through the rough patches. C&C puts a positive spin on life’s ups and downs. I highly recommend a daily dose!
It's hard to admit the fact that the country you love is corrupted beyond repair.....that's the first step to waking up. Second step is what you are doing.... self reflection.... that's the key 🔑
I understand the worry that the situation is irreparable, but I don't believe anything is truly beyond repair. Of course, that depends on your definition of repair.
As a long-term DIYer, I've repaired numerous things, by which I mean I made them functional again. Rarely were they in like-new condition, but they were serviceable and longer broken. Sometimes that wasn't possible, but even then there were often salvageable parts that could be utilized in a different project or repair.
In the current societal dysfunction, there are still signs of the ideals that have made Western civilization so successful. They've been perverted by misguided and even nefarious notions (greatly aided by narcissism), but many, if not most, of us are capable of recognizing the dysfunction and resisting it. The big question is whether enough of us are aroused to push back and actively reject the perversion before the growing tyranny becomes too deeply rooted. If my wife were to do that, my hope would get a major boost.
I commend you for writing this and personally, I'd call raw and unclean honesty like that a revolutionary act in itself. A pessimism that's based in reality is infinitely more powerful than a hopefulness based in delusion. I think you're more of a "voice of the people" than you realize. Reading that essay was like a tension release valve for my own psyche and I'm sure many others will feel the same. Seeing other people acknowledge our growing dystopia and not recognize the society we now find ourselves in makes me know that I'm not "crazy" or "bigoted" or whatever label others (including current and former friends or family) want to put on me. There is such a deep indescribable feeling of dread that comes from watching society destroy itself, especially in the name of "compassion" and "progress."
The thing is, people have always been this way. We have struggled through and sometimes we have more people holding to better beliefs and sometimes fewer. We are passing through a “fewer “ stage. We MUST live in hope. We MUST complete the tasks that are in front of us, one day at a time. We MUST seek out beauty and immerse ourselves in it; this includes surrounding ourselves with all the people we can find who are not hateful. Because this is life, and life matters. What we do, as small or inadequate as it may seem, matters.
Sheryl, your comment brought tears to my eyes. I have actually just printed it out for times like this when all hope seems lost but I know I must carry on. Thank you.
Evelyn---YOU are why I have come to the conclusions that I have about the purpose of life. The fact that my words---I'm only some random person on the internet---can bring something positive to another person is proof of purpose, and of hope. You have blessed my day; thank you!
There is either truth and beauty and meaning, or we are just bags of meat and bouncing atoms. But bags of meat don't search for cosmic purpose; bags of meat don't feel overwhelmed with joy and tears at a piece of music or poetry. And temporary swirls of atoms don't feel, well, anything, do they?
I leave you with this quote from Lord of the Rings, which immediately came to mind when Josh wrote about the wall of despair we seem to be facing:
Frodo: I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times; but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.
Thank you for your honesty and your compassion. We’re all flawed and we all have our doubts. Until we recognize that fear and hate will not help us find truth and only really drive us apart, we will sink into deeper despair.
To quote C.S. Lewis, “If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth, only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin and in the end despair.” God help us🙏
I love "THIS" that you are. You are genuine and transparent. It's scary to be vulnerable. Thank you for sharing your struggle with depression with us. It has helped fellow depression strugglers, like myself, to not feel so alone & broken. I have compassion for the state of head/heart/mind that you're in. It's heavy, heavier right now and none of us, on any/either side are "OKAY". I loathe election years- the divisive optics pushed onto us, the fear-mongering, binary, polarized BS is overwhelming-especially when it costs you your closest relationships because they won't, can't, refuse -?!??- to see through the sickness that The broken System breeds.
Thank you all very much for your responses. I appreciate each of them.
I won't try to cheer you up, but I will remind you of this: if the 2015 versions of Holly and Josh got a glimpse of the 2024 versions, they'd have been horrified beyond words. You'd have assumed that you must get a brain tumor in 2023 and I'd probably have just eaten a gun rather than end up on the center-right and have even one kinda-sorta thing in common with the adults of my childhood. And yet here we both are. Who would have predicted? Who'd have guessed? The state of the world may be somewhat predictable, but individuals truly aren't. Therein lies hope. ❤️❤️❤️
"I'd probably have just eaten a gun rather than end up on the center-right". pretty close to the same for me, too. I am so ashamed I told one right wing man that I didn't know why he bothered living, with such "mean" thoughts in his head about trans women and the right to abortion. I told another Christian lady that Jesus would spit in her face if she were really face-to-face with him.
And I thought I was the psychologically healthy, good person.
Something just broke me, around four or five years ago. It's like I snapped out of something, but it was a something that felt as familiar as home. Seems like this describes what happened with a lot of us. Not sure how to communicate to all the loved ones still in the delusion.
It seems like many of us on Substack have gone through this same journey.
I said to my bunny-mate today, apropos of the European farmers’ protests, that 30 years ago, those supporting the farmers would have been on the “left”, while those supporting the elites would have been on the “right”. Now — perversely — the positions are reversed. And it applies, mutatis mutandi, to so many of the political issues of our time. Maybe those of us who now find ourselves being associated with “right wing” positions, are actually still “left leaning”, according to the standards in which we grew up. I think, as always, of Colin Wright’s political cartoon (famously re-tweeted by Elon Musk):
https://www.realityslaststand.com/p/my-political-journey
Id say it's because the right is still center right and therefore bit too difficult to digest, however, the left has moved so far left that it is unpalatable.
That's becasue YOU haven't moved politically, the left has!!!!
Wise words, Holly!
Thank you for sharing. I hope the transparency will be healing for you. Reading it is certainly helping me.
I know it doesn't help for me to say, but: You're not alone with these thoughts; this grief and despair. You're not alone in realizing so much of what you thought you knew was wrong, and then facing the task of figuring out how to live with the mental, emotional, and interpersonal fallout from that. And you are loved.
Josh, I read because I appreciate your honesty. It's sad that these days it's difficult to think about the good things, what happens in the future. I mentioned the other day that if I had known what this world would have come to (today) I would not have had kids, I fear for them although they are young and pretty much not too worried and I try not to worry them.
As far as the "other" side I just leave them alone. Nothing I do or say will really get through and that includes family.
Little story.. for the last two years we have visited the same coffee shop weekly and just last week the owner said that " we didn't do enough masking et. al. for covid" but I noticed he wasn't wearing a mask cause here in Florida people are pretty much done with it. He also thinks that EV's are the best thing although you can see his gas powered BMW out back of the shop. Don't get me started.
As far as the immigrant issue I just wish everyone had to go through what my ancestor's did when they wanted to come and be part of the American Dream. That's all I ask.
You might find this interesting - and sad and scary.
https://www.realclearwire.com/articles/2024/01/29/the_elite_1_percent_behind_the_cultural_civil_war_1008104.html
Oh boy.. do you think when they mature they will find the error of their ways? Hope so!
It's useful to see this, thanks for posting. I wish these supposedly "educated" libs knew about Thomas Sowell. His books and interviews alone should sway most people on the fence.
Sadly, "should" is the operative word. Many "educated" liberals consider Sowell a race traitor. Those "on the fence" often lack the wherewithal to stand-up to the prevailing progressive winds so I suspect many wouldn't even give Sowell a glance.
I hear you. I see you. I love you. Thank you for your presence, your snark, your work.
I went through a dark and anguished state when the covid nonsense happened. In that time the world fell apart , my mother died and my middle son went into a mental health crisis in which he performing OCD rituals for 7-10 hrs per day ( not an exaggeration).
I coped with gin and tonic.
I developed agoraphobia, gained 50 lbs and had continuous anxiety.
A dark awful time indeed.
I came out of it in early 2023. Anti depressants helped as did exercise, going outdoors and reaching out to help people. I made the conscious choice to " clean my house" , so to speak.
I kept myself away from the news entirely . I sat in the coffee shop and smiled at people. I went back to church. I joined a bunch of Facebook groups and tried to offer support to people suffering with mental illness. I had to get out of my own head and give to others what I wasn't getting. Mainly support .
This too shall pass Josh, spring is around the corner .
I think you will come out of this a changed person, for the better.
We are strengthened by pressure and testing.
Couldn't agree with you more! Stay away from the news and get into a healthy environment of like-minded people~to a certain degree we have to adapt and yet remain mentally strong to withstand this insane thinking. Stop trying to convince people unless they ask. It's time to separate from this evil and focus on God and his truth.
Josh,
This is so real!
I can't even count how many friends and acquaintances of mine are going through something similar.
It's deeply refreshing to NOT hide this behind shiny veneers while singing platitudes of one's and other's greatness.
Thank you Josh for putting words to these feelings. For sharing it so that others will know they are not alone in their darkness.
Suffering is part of life. We know this.
But we do not need to suffer alone.
Josh, you are not alone.
You are not alone. My analysis is virtually identical to yours. I've some how managed to avoid confronting the horror of it all and the implications for the medium and long term. Awful as he is, I actually hope Trump wins. My sense of depression stems from the realization that conservativeism isn't the answer and that only a revolution and and move to a second Republic will put things as right as they can made. A revolution won't be tidy but the alternative is much worse.
Try to keep in mind that Trump's targets are almost always the ones who deserve our hate: corrupt politicians and lying journalists. I get that some people hate his attitude, but he never goes after working-class Americans. He goes after the ideologues who are ruining our society.
"But is the world not also contributing to my emotional problems, and to yours, to your fears, to your reasonable worries?"
Yes, oh, yes dear Josh, it most emphatically IS.
I've been holding off on contacting you for a needed session to unburden myself of my own family-inflicted woes, but will do so today, once I finally drag myself out of bed!
Are you familiar with Coffee & Covid (Florida lawyer Jeff Childers' substack)? He publishes 6 mornings a week and it's the first thing I read every morning. His realistic optimism and relentlessly snarky witticisms make my day! Today's was especially uplifting: https://www.coffeeandcovid.com/p/whirlwind-reapers-friday-february?r=q4die&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
C&C was a lifesaver during the worst of it(can it get worse? Probably) I read his post first thing every morning, wouldn’t miss it! Back in the day, I leaned on Rush Limbaugh to help me through the rough patches. C&C puts a positive spin on life’s ups and downs. I highly recommend a daily dose!
fist bump!
It's hard to admit the fact that the country you love is corrupted beyond repair.....that's the first step to waking up. Second step is what you are doing.... self reflection.... that's the key 🔑
I understand the worry that the situation is irreparable, but I don't believe anything is truly beyond repair. Of course, that depends on your definition of repair.
As a long-term DIYer, I've repaired numerous things, by which I mean I made them functional again. Rarely were they in like-new condition, but they were serviceable and longer broken. Sometimes that wasn't possible, but even then there were often salvageable parts that could be utilized in a different project or repair.
In the current societal dysfunction, there are still signs of the ideals that have made Western civilization so successful. They've been perverted by misguided and even nefarious notions (greatly aided by narcissism), but many, if not most, of us are capable of recognizing the dysfunction and resisting it. The big question is whether enough of us are aroused to push back and actively reject the perversion before the growing tyranny becomes too deeply rooted. If my wife were to do that, my hope would get a major boost.
I meant "no longer broken".
Josh,
On another note (please delete if you don't allow outbound links), I wrote this years ago to express some of my own journey through these things.
I hope it shows you how not alone you are. ❤️
https://open.substack.com/pub/lizreitzig/p/revolution
I commend you for writing this and personally, I'd call raw and unclean honesty like that a revolutionary act in itself. A pessimism that's based in reality is infinitely more powerful than a hopefulness based in delusion. I think you're more of a "voice of the people" than you realize. Reading that essay was like a tension release valve for my own psyche and I'm sure many others will feel the same. Seeing other people acknowledge our growing dystopia and not recognize the society we now find ourselves in makes me know that I'm not "crazy" or "bigoted" or whatever label others (including current and former friends or family) want to put on me. There is such a deep indescribable feeling of dread that comes from watching society destroy itself, especially in the name of "compassion" and "progress."
The thing is, people have always been this way. We have struggled through and sometimes we have more people holding to better beliefs and sometimes fewer. We are passing through a “fewer “ stage. We MUST live in hope. We MUST complete the tasks that are in front of us, one day at a time. We MUST seek out beauty and immerse ourselves in it; this includes surrounding ourselves with all the people we can find who are not hateful. Because this is life, and life matters. What we do, as small or inadequate as it may seem, matters.
It is the Hero’s journey.
This.
Sheryl, your comment brought tears to my eyes. I have actually just printed it out for times like this when all hope seems lost but I know I must carry on. Thank you.
Evelyn---YOU are why I have come to the conclusions that I have about the purpose of life. The fact that my words---I'm only some random person on the internet---can bring something positive to another person is proof of purpose, and of hope. You have blessed my day; thank you!
There is either truth and beauty and meaning, or we are just bags of meat and bouncing atoms. But bags of meat don't search for cosmic purpose; bags of meat don't feel overwhelmed with joy and tears at a piece of music or poetry. And temporary swirls of atoms don't feel, well, anything, do they?
I leave you with this quote from Lord of the Rings, which immediately came to mind when Josh wrote about the wall of despair we seem to be facing:
Frodo: I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times; but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.
Thank you for your honesty and your compassion. We’re all flawed and we all have our doubts. Until we recognize that fear and hate will not help us find truth and only really drive us apart, we will sink into deeper despair.
To quote C.S. Lewis, “If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth, only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin and in the end despair.” God help us🙏
I love "THIS" that you are. You are genuine and transparent. It's scary to be vulnerable. Thank you for sharing your struggle with depression with us. It has helped fellow depression strugglers, like myself, to not feel so alone & broken. I have compassion for the state of head/heart/mind that you're in. It's heavy, heavier right now and none of us, on any/either side are "OKAY". I loathe election years- the divisive optics pushed onto us, the fear-mongering, binary, polarized BS is overwhelming-especially when it costs you your closest relationships because they won't, can't, refuse -?!??- to see through the sickness that The broken System breeds.