I’m nothing like the person I expected to be. Are you? Mornings bring bracing clarity of thought, I’ve discovered, at least since hangovers are no longer part of my balanced breakfast. Things my mind doesn’t want to see directly are right there on a velvet cushion under a featuring spotlight.
Listen up pal: Drop your attitude right now. I know who you are, I've seen you being a complete jerk to other people on Substack all day. You are this close to being banned under both your accounts.
I was inclined to like you, but you're showing your ass. Shape up and act like a decent man or I'll throw you out on your ass.
That clear and working class enough for you, buddy?
I think there’s something in everyone that seeks truth. Stronger in some obviously. It gives me some relief to see that average (speaking for myself) middle age men of both sides of the political spectrum are seeking common ground rooted in realistic solutions based on facts. In the past 10-15 years progressives have redefined the political spectrum in the west. They’ve stretched the left limit of liberals up to and beyond even communism. That left people who were once much closer to being near the far limit of what was norm to being somewhere much closer to the middle. I think the inherit problem with this is it may also redefine the middle. Conservatives make too many concessions based of the hysterics of the left.
Sep 9, 2023·edited Sep 9, 2023Liked by Josh Slocum
Five years ago, anytime there was a mass shooting that involved kids, I laid the blame squarely at the feet of anyone who spoke about the right to own guns. That shooting that brought us professional young douche bag David Hogg? I posted on Facebook that thanks to "gun nuts" many kids would not be going home that night.
This is just one example of how insufferable I was then. And it's not like I am ultra conservative now. I just SEE things that I did not see back then. I legit didn't see how manipulative the left could be. I was right along with the people who "defended" boys who wanted to be girls. I would reply to some Jesus-shouter (as my jackass self called conservative Christians) that they obviously would rather have a dead son than a live daughter. I did. I said that and I am really ashamed.
I was just full-tilt stupid. I wish I could apologize to some of the people that me and my Facebook pals trolled and mocked non-stop. Most likely, the ministers and other Christian topic groups were ran by people who couldn't give a crap about what we said.
I wore it like a badge that I got blocked by the Chick-Fil-A page back in about 2012 when the CEO supposedly gave money to genuinely sick anti-gay groups world wide.
When some famous woman Christian minister openly rejected her son because he was gay? I bought her a "membership" of sorts to the GLAAD organization. I thought I was so clever, and RIGHT.
So yeah, that's my whole point. I, too, figured I would be making much better money (I am) and would be able to contribute to my pet liberal causes. I am not opposed to contribute to some liberal causes, but I no longer make any judgements about any person who identifies as conservative or Christian, or anything even more right wing. I look in the mirror and recall what a queen douche bag I used to be.
It takes a lot of courage and insight to recognize one's errors in thought and conduct, and to have the character to change them. And being open-minded, in the best possible way, can be credited to your liberal leanings.
It's hard to say for sure that it wasn't simple maturing, mental and emotional. However, I do know that I started to follow different youtubers, Twitter acounts, etc., that got me to doubt things that I used to believe without much question. Also, these youtubers and Twitter accounts were quite entertaining. Sexy. Not gonna lie. :). My transition did not happen overnight. But gradually, I realized that there were a lot of things that I'd been "convinced" of, and honestly, I absolutely shouldn't have been convinced of these things. I also realized there was a LOT of emotion attached to these beliefs. Anyway, nowadays, I just try to be mindful of what it is that convinces me, and I try to separate my judgment from my emotions.
Do you remember who were the first ones? I mostly avoided the 2016 election and when looking for commentary on it the algorithm happened to place a thumbnail of trans conservative and (tentative) Trump supporter Blaire White to the side of whatever I was watching, explaining the election to anyone shocked. From there the algorithm proceeded to serve up content by those who are on what has been dubbed the New Right. I actively avoided politics but I was really ignorant on anything right wing. And then: "oh, it's a bunch of humorous, easygoing, welcoming people." I never did and still don't partake in Blaire's content but by sheer coincidence that was the catalyst.
Thanks for this thread. Politically, I am the same as I was at 17, even at 7: a freedom fighter. Because of the way and place in which I grew up, American-style leftism has never been accessible or comprehensible to me. Personally, I am much less successful and happy than I hoped I would be, although, looking at me, many around me would be surprised to hear it. Feels so liberating writing these lines.
I would like to say I haven’t changed that much. But until the last few years I didn’t think that so much of our country was filled by certifiable nuts and ran by evil megalomaniacs. So has the world changed or has it always been this way and now, mostly due to social media , I can see it for what it has always been? I have always believed in taking personal responsibility for my own actions (too many of which I have not been proud of). My views on the viability of life in the womb changed after I became pregnant the first time. I like to think I became more responsible after becoming a mother but that is still up for debate over 40 years later. I have become even more reclusive and I do not care as much what people think of me. I know I am much happier in my personal life since my second marriage to a man who values me as I am, warts and all.
I am very changed since i was a very young, kind of lefitist and somewhat angry, woman. I, wouldnt have liked the 20 year old me, if we were to meet on the streets 😀😉 But in never bought fully on. I was never a «feminist», though i was in those circles. I grew up in the very conservative countryside...not only consrvative, thats unfair towards conservative. My hometown tended to be narrowminded, envious and with a bully-strike towards anyone trying to be, or actually beeing at least a little bit different than a strict, dumb «norm». Very claustrophobic, and highly unfair...wich triigered a sense of unfairness to groups in me, wich i symphatized with, and also sometimes, romanticided. I find some of my symphaties still kind og valid, but some, obviously, needed to go. I thought big ol Oslo was gonna serve me many solutions, snd that i was gonna find my openminded, curious, truthseeking kindred people! I learned very soon that the people, from ecxactly the sane backgrounds as myself, are not openminded at all, an especially not supressed, wich they liked to pretend, in any way. Its embarrasing! Anyways, I did like the music and the art (and the parties!😀😉) following that scene, so i did, sort of homelessly ideolcily, hang around those people and their scenes. I also tried to be more extroverted then i really am, and found myself exhausted, and possibly exhausting too, and I am happy that i showed my pace down, and are more happy with myself, and are able to choose a little bit more wisely. 🙂
Hehe, but my friend and i used to have this saying...that we have turned in to those people we used to point at, with mild disgust, when we vegre young, rebellious kids. Cause we have in many ways. 😀 I even do yoga. My teenager self would not have looked lightly on that! 😀 Or for liking and listening to Matt Walsh...For moving to the countryside...I dont know, we might had many issues, Im sure. Somehow, that doesnt worry me to much. I would much rather offend and piss of every version of me inbetween years 14 to...24,5,6,7,8 ish, and possible longer, to be honest, than my eleven years old self. She was much, much nicer. 🙂😉
I can relate. I used to be (so I thought) a leftie, greenie, feminist socialist. I wanted to live in a historic but large city and work in film, preferably as a director. I didn't even think much about kids etc.
Now I'm rather conservative and my main purpose in life is being a mother. I love being a wife too, and my husband and I have ended up replicating pretty traditional roles at home. I don't miss my old dreams at all and wouldn't swap for the world.
It is alienating though at times, especially when old friends now think you're an insane nazi/bigot/science-hater/whatever else that week.
Think of them as former friends, not old friends. Anyone that’s a current friend would support you either way. Only brainwashed assholes stop being your friend for speaking the truth.
I hear Joni singing, "But now old friends are acting strange/And they shake their heads and they tell me that I've changed." The distancing by friends who would sacrifice twenty-year friendships to this precipitously adopted faux philosophy has been profoundly saddening. I feel like it's practically my fault sometimes. It's terrific gaslighting to feel like friends think you're actually truly hateful, and to exceedingly vulnerable people at that. When nothing could be further from the truth.
Why are we ALL finding this blanket rejection of our entire being by people who have known us well?! People with whom we probably were able to debate and discuss, and maybe agree to disagree if nothing else. Here we are, happy to remain on good terms with these friends and family even if they have moved to Wokeville, but they have somehow lost the ability to accept us as decent people and agree to disagree. I don’t think that I have heard of anyone who rejects Woke but who still has Woke friends; the Woke pull away at the first sign that you disagree...and they pull HARD, with disgust.
It's made me really, really sad. I have some friends still who are pretty woke, and they basically avoid woke talk with me, but I still feel the distancing. A close friend of 20 years is now in a relationship with someone who identifies as non-binary, and while I've kept up our text chain, he's markedly quiet. Until, that is, I shared that I had had a rough summer, emotionally; and now that he's studying to become a therapist, he's more than interested to ask me if I've engaged with any mental health practitioners. It all feels gross. I've never said a word about his non-binary partner except to verify that my friend is still attracted to men (which is what his nb partner is). How has their estimation of me changed so drastically? They can't really believe that I *hate* trans and nb people, right?
Your friendships with these people are likely already over. This isn't how friends relate to each other.
I've never seen it happen any other way. These "friends" don't "come back." What you're seeing is, unfortunately, the real them. The people they have always been, and always will be.
To realize that people who had known me so long, chose to throw me under the bus, and chose to paint me wrongly, for me that said they had been waiting for opportunity to do so and had never cared for me at all? That was jarring....to know that I had wasted so much time on people who didn't really like me? But suffered me to be around? Found it so incredibly easy to just throw me away? And this was family and friends? But, I also came up in a cluster B den of vipers so....
I guess it varies by each individual case, but my impression with my friends isn't so much that they never really liked me, it's just that they are wired differently than I am. The societal and personal events of last twenty years or so have convinced me that you are either a person who is psychologically inclined to open-mindedness, or you aren't. There's some kind of innate ability to NOTICE, to question the status quo, and to at least potentially change your mind that isn't all that common.
I used to think that being "liberal" meant that you had this trait, and that being "conservative" meant that you were closed-minded and would be likely to disregard obvious facts if they conflicted with your worldview. I was so so wrong.
And in many ways, I still don't get what has gone so crazy. In law school, for instance, I had an interesting mixed group of friends and, as law students are wont to do, we loved discussing and debating absolutely everything. We had born-again Christians, we had committed Catholics, we had atheists and agnostics, we were from wealthy backgrounds, from poor backgrounds, from New York City and from farmlands and backwoods. Military members, and anti-war peaceniks. And we all could talk to each other and express our opinions and thoughts openly---and we enjoyed it!
My work colleagues, who are all criminal prosecutors, are almost all completely captured by at least Woke-adjacent attitudes. I can't even discuss criminal cases with them if the Woke narrative is against my take on the situation---think Trayvon Martin or Kyle Rittenhouse. And these are prosecutors taking the side of the criminals!! It's not so much that they disagree with me, it's that they refuse to discuss it and look at you as though you have lost your marbles if you mention a contrary take.
" And these are prosecutors taking the side of the criminals!! It's not so much that they disagree with me, it's that they refuse to discuss it and look at you as though you have lost your marbles if you mention a contrary take."
YES! that exactly....mind blowing....what happened? Its why I question whether they ever liked me or not?
I have what I always wanted but never got when I was younger. Security. I never thought I would be who I am right now. Not that I didn't want my current life, which is good. I was never expected to be anything other that in jail, dead or in some institution by the most important people around me from early on. I have done none of those things. Sure you shouldn't be proud of that, these are simple things you are not supposed to do in the first place but not ending up like that is an accomplishment for someone in my situation. Most of the adults around me tried to direct me into that life, very few did not and I am forever grateful to them. I didn't do what was expected of me, it got me in a lot of trouble, I'm still like that but the individuals around me had some questionable expectations. I never even thought much about what I would be at middle age, I was never encouraged to have a future, so having one is still something I am getting used to, but I'm doing well. Better than most of the people who thought I would never do much of anything.
All the things that were supposed to be some sense of support ended up being major disappointments. Most of all feminism, the one thing I can say I gained from it is that feminists are better misogynists that most incels. The worst racists alive are liberals, I also learned that one the hard way when the progressives around me realized I was not a pet and don't like being pitied. They became very dangerous when they realized people like me have ambitions of our own and are not interested in living up to our stereotypes. I never get that attitude from the conservatives I know.
Public education is mostly a place where those that cannot hang in the real world go for a secure government checks, benefits and a pension, and the ability to have control over vulnerable people while holding most of the populace hostage over money. School is for the adults involved, the kids get almost nothing and it is showing. I survived that system thanks to social promotion, got no real anything out of it other than a drivers license. There are a few good people there but not many if it was a business it would have the for lease sign going up in the front. Yet we send children there all the time, all day, I hope one day this changes. As for the government couldn't agree but don't forget city, county, state they are just as mafioso and useless as their federal cousins.
I never thought that living a rather conventional and traditional life as a wife, stepmother and stepmother-in-law would actually be fulfilling. I was lead to believe that was the worst thing you could do with your life as a woman from early on. But it is, I do plenty of other things despite all kinds of things I have to navigate around. Having very little real school is supposed to be the worst thing a person in our society can have but that is my life as well and I've done better without it, no debt, business owner despite what the government shoves in my way, homeowner in one of the most competitive real estate markets out there, again despite what the government has shoved in my way, a good marriage, great friends and great health for my age.
I still have no idea what I am supposed to be but this half of my life has been much better than the first.
Somehow through the years I got this idea that I shouldn't be so easily satisfied with who I am. I mean, was there no room for improvement? That part was a no-brainer when I realized that I didn't like some aspects of myself in my younger days. Part of the problem was simply that I was "green" in the way young people tend to be self-focused and indeed self-absorbed. Parenthood either makes a person better or makes them worse. Unless you are wealthy and don't have to choose how to spend your limited financial resources (I was never in that class), I found myself wanting to give priority to my kids' needs and wants. Good lord, I was actually thinking about somebody other than moi! Then I learned something about karma. Specifically, that we have a bigger role than we suspect of making our own good karma and bad karma. This is the stuff that acts like a boomerang and comes back to us in one coin or another. Admittedly, the results are unpredictable as far as timing goes so, but I learned something important that is absolutely counterintuitive: the more you give, the more you receive. Don't ask me how that can possibly work, but it does. Kindness, generosity begets more of it, but so does selfishness and greed. Go figure. I don't much care for the "old" me but I think I have made some improvements over the years that benefit my family, friends, neighbors, and just about everybody I encounter. But there's always more work to do.
Interesting question. I think the results of the last 3.5 years have sharply put into focus what my attitudes and beliefs have been moored to for my entire life, and upon examination, found to be rooted in half truths and propaganda. We are roughly the same age, Josh; perhaps you feel the same way. A couple of examples: I genuinely believed Roosevelt was a good president even though he set up concentration camps in our own country, against our own citizens, and mass murdered innocent civilians with the authorization of using the atomic bomb. I genuinely believed Margaret Sanger was a ‘hero’ for women even though she was a raging eugenicist/racist; I genuinely believed that ‘intellectuals’ were the arbiters of moral clarity and would be able to guide ordinary citizens to the promised land of utopian sanctuary. All of it, ALL of it, I believed. I now know human beings will keep making the same mistakes, over and over, because that is human nature. Man’s inhumanity to man will never cease. I recognize my own culpability in believing lies, being duped, trusting what was spoon fed to me through all my years of higher education, etc. I am much, much more skeptical now and ‘read between the lines’ and question everything. To many of my contemporaries this scrutiny is not welcome and I have been accused of being a conspiracy theorist; the old me would have been bothered by this, but the new me understands the tactics employed against those who simply dare question the catechism of the new enlightenment orthodoxy. It took something like Covid to stir me out of a half century of being asleep at the wheel, but the truth is I was such a fool. Though arguably I am still a fool, perhaps I am a much more skeptical one.
Love this. I feel the fool for not seeing the world as it is. For assuming that modern American society was immune to the worst of humanity’s tribalism, cruelty, and irrationality.
This question shook me. Not because I am someone who I never expected to be but because I realized ( have begun to realize with more clarity ) in recent months that I’ve never had much of an idea of who “I” was, much less who I “should /could “ be. This is not to say I am nothing or feel worthless. I am not/ I don’t. But I’ve never really allowed myself to consciously, intentionally dream for myself. For others, yes. I have lived life as a “ lady in waiting”. Its been a good life in many many ways. But Im bone tired of waiting. Time to dream while awake.
I don't know that I expected (politically) be be anything back in the day. I trusted media, didn't we all, I never got involved in the right/left thing cause it didn't effect me LOL. Although parents were staunch Dems and have one sibling that is the rest of those in the family are conservative.
As if the revision in your values were not enough, such introspection in itself reveals a resistance to your post-human condition which we need to address. Whenever you encounter thoughts of this nature, we suggest asking yourself, "what is the emoticon for this?" Reflect on this for no longer than the permitted length of a TikTok post. Before breakfast, reframe yourself with thirty seconds of knee-taking whilst listening to a Justin Trudeau speech. We advise placing a screen filled with that recent photograph of Greta Thunberg, Ursula Von der Leyen and Vladimir Zelenskyyyyy before you. You were never anyone with expectations, only hopes for the Greater Good of the Common Purpose.
I think some parts of my younger self would be horrified at the politics of my older self but really, the big libertarian streak in me was always there. Literally, while in high school in the late 80s, I wrote a paper arguing that the new seat bell law in Michigan was unconstitutional and people had a right to risk their own lives while driving if they wanted to.
But mostly, I'd be very horrified and disappointed to find out that all my dreams would be shattered, that I never found my soul mate, and that I'm struggling with a mysterious neurological illness at 53 (NOT vaxx related but a big FU to fluoroquinolone antibiotics). Oddly, despite the health anxiety and how crappy I can feel on any given day, I'm also far more resilient than I ever imagined I could be, much calmer, and way less neurotic. I'm less angry, and thankfully no longer obsessed with men, which was unhealthy and frankly a waste of my energies. Spiritually, I'm doing much, much better overall.
I was floxed in 2016. I recovered but will never forget the experience. When were you floxed? Feel free to reach out as I know the terror of being floxed.
I became a Leftist because I was against the forever wars. I am an Arab-American, (my father immigrated here, and my mother is from a farming/ blue collar background.). The
re was a lot of conflict within my narcissistic family. As the scapegoat, I was at once rebellious and desperate to belong to something. What could possibly go wrong with that?
From 3rd grade through my sophomore year of high school, I lived in 2 Arab Muslim countries. (My father had teaching jobs)
My adolescence was pure Hell.
So much of my personal development hinged on Pissing Off Dad. Blind rebellion led me down a very self-destructive path, almost like I was saying, "You think I'm a *slut/*druggie */piece of shit?!? FINE. Hold my beer"...
It wasn't until I discovered the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery community that I realized what was going on. I thought that after my narcissistic father died, I could have a better relationship with my siblings, but the scapegoating has only deepened since Golden Child sister has taken over the family.
I accept that I can't win, and I no longer want to be accepted by them.
Listen up pal: Drop your attitude right now. I know who you are, I've seen you being a complete jerk to other people on Substack all day. You are this close to being banned under both your accounts.
I was inclined to like you, but you're showing your ass. Shape up and act like a decent man or I'll throw you out on your ass.
That clear and working class enough for you, buddy?
I think there’s something in everyone that seeks truth. Stronger in some obviously. It gives me some relief to see that average (speaking for myself) middle age men of both sides of the political spectrum are seeking common ground rooted in realistic solutions based on facts. In the past 10-15 years progressives have redefined the political spectrum in the west. They’ve stretched the left limit of liberals up to and beyond even communism. That left people who were once much closer to being near the far limit of what was norm to being somewhere much closer to the middle. I think the inherit problem with this is it may also redefine the middle. Conservatives make too many concessions based of the hysterics of the left.
Five years ago, anytime there was a mass shooting that involved kids, I laid the blame squarely at the feet of anyone who spoke about the right to own guns. That shooting that brought us professional young douche bag David Hogg? I posted on Facebook that thanks to "gun nuts" many kids would not be going home that night.
This is just one example of how insufferable I was then. And it's not like I am ultra conservative now. I just SEE things that I did not see back then. I legit didn't see how manipulative the left could be. I was right along with the people who "defended" boys who wanted to be girls. I would reply to some Jesus-shouter (as my jackass self called conservative Christians) that they obviously would rather have a dead son than a live daughter. I did. I said that and I am really ashamed.
I was just full-tilt stupid. I wish I could apologize to some of the people that me and my Facebook pals trolled and mocked non-stop. Most likely, the ministers and other Christian topic groups were ran by people who couldn't give a crap about what we said.
I wore it like a badge that I got blocked by the Chick-Fil-A page back in about 2012 when the CEO supposedly gave money to genuinely sick anti-gay groups world wide.
When some famous woman Christian minister openly rejected her son because he was gay? I bought her a "membership" of sorts to the GLAAD organization. I thought I was so clever, and RIGHT.
So yeah, that's my whole point. I, too, figured I would be making much better money (I am) and would be able to contribute to my pet liberal causes. I am not opposed to contribute to some liberal causes, but I no longer make any judgements about any person who identifies as conservative or Christian, or anything even more right wing. I look in the mirror and recall what a queen douche bag I used to be.
Well, "fascist", I like your style!
It takes a lot of courage and insight to recognize one's errors in thought and conduct, and to have the character to change them. And being open-minded, in the best possible way, can be credited to your liberal leanings.
Thank you! I did not expect such kindness. I think we can be sure that the same applies to you.
What changed your mind?
It's hard to say for sure that it wasn't simple maturing, mental and emotional. However, I do know that I started to follow different youtubers, Twitter acounts, etc., that got me to doubt things that I used to believe without much question. Also, these youtubers and Twitter accounts were quite entertaining. Sexy. Not gonna lie. :). My transition did not happen overnight. But gradually, I realized that there were a lot of things that I'd been "convinced" of, and honestly, I absolutely shouldn't have been convinced of these things. I also realized there was a LOT of emotion attached to these beliefs. Anyway, nowadays, I just try to be mindful of what it is that convinces me, and I try to separate my judgment from my emotions.
Do you remember who were the first ones? I mostly avoided the 2016 election and when looking for commentary on it the algorithm happened to place a thumbnail of trans conservative and (tentative) Trump supporter Blaire White to the side of whatever I was watching, explaining the election to anyone shocked. From there the algorithm proceeded to serve up content by those who are on what has been dubbed the New Right. I actively avoided politics but I was really ignorant on anything right wing. And then: "oh, it's a bunch of humorous, easygoing, welcoming people." I never did and still don't partake in Blaire's content but by sheer coincidence that was the catalyst.
Thanks for this thread. Politically, I am the same as I was at 17, even at 7: a freedom fighter. Because of the way and place in which I grew up, American-style leftism has never been accessible or comprehensible to me. Personally, I am much less successful and happy than I hoped I would be, although, looking at me, many around me would be surprised to hear it. Feels so liberating writing these lines.
I would like to say I haven’t changed that much. But until the last few years I didn’t think that so much of our country was filled by certifiable nuts and ran by evil megalomaniacs. So has the world changed or has it always been this way and now, mostly due to social media , I can see it for what it has always been? I have always believed in taking personal responsibility for my own actions (too many of which I have not been proud of). My views on the viability of life in the womb changed after I became pregnant the first time. I like to think I became more responsible after becoming a mother but that is still up for debate over 40 years later. I have become even more reclusive and I do not care as much what people think of me. I know I am much happier in my personal life since my second marriage to a man who values me as I am, warts and all.
Fiestynca, you speak for me in better words than I could speak for myself. Thank you for describing my thoughts nearly verbatim.
While I give myself some time to ponder and respond to your question, I just want to say that I am very glad you are the person you are today.
I am very changed since i was a very young, kind of lefitist and somewhat angry, woman. I, wouldnt have liked the 20 year old me, if we were to meet on the streets 😀😉 But in never bought fully on. I was never a «feminist», though i was in those circles. I grew up in the very conservative countryside...not only consrvative, thats unfair towards conservative. My hometown tended to be narrowminded, envious and with a bully-strike towards anyone trying to be, or actually beeing at least a little bit different than a strict, dumb «norm». Very claustrophobic, and highly unfair...wich triigered a sense of unfairness to groups in me, wich i symphatized with, and also sometimes, romanticided. I find some of my symphaties still kind og valid, but some, obviously, needed to go. I thought big ol Oslo was gonna serve me many solutions, snd that i was gonna find my openminded, curious, truthseeking kindred people! I learned very soon that the people, from ecxactly the sane backgrounds as myself, are not openminded at all, an especially not supressed, wich they liked to pretend, in any way. Its embarrasing! Anyways, I did like the music and the art (and the parties!😀😉) following that scene, so i did, sort of homelessly ideolcily, hang around those people and their scenes. I also tried to be more extroverted then i really am, and found myself exhausted, and possibly exhausting too, and I am happy that i showed my pace down, and are more happy with myself, and are able to choose a little bit more wisely. 🙂
Hehe, but my friend and i used to have this saying...that we have turned in to those people we used to point at, with mild disgust, when we vegre young, rebellious kids. Cause we have in many ways. 😀 I even do yoga. My teenager self would not have looked lightly on that! 😀 Or for liking and listening to Matt Walsh...For moving to the countryside...I dont know, we might had many issues, Im sure. Somehow, that doesnt worry me to much. I would much rather offend and piss of every version of me inbetween years 14 to...24,5,6,7,8 ish, and possible longer, to be honest, than my eleven years old self. She was much, much nicer. 🙂😉
I can relate. I used to be (so I thought) a leftie, greenie, feminist socialist. I wanted to live in a historic but large city and work in film, preferably as a director. I didn't even think much about kids etc.
Now I'm rather conservative and my main purpose in life is being a mother. I love being a wife too, and my husband and I have ended up replicating pretty traditional roles at home. I don't miss my old dreams at all and wouldn't swap for the world.
It is alienating though at times, especially when old friends now think you're an insane nazi/bigot/science-hater/whatever else that week.
Think of them as former friends, not old friends. Anyone that’s a current friend would support you either way. Only brainwashed assholes stop being your friend for speaking the truth.
I hear Joni singing, "But now old friends are acting strange/And they shake their heads and they tell me that I've changed." The distancing by friends who would sacrifice twenty-year friendships to this precipitously adopted faux philosophy has been profoundly saddening. I feel like it's practically my fault sometimes. It's terrific gaslighting to feel like friends think you're actually truly hateful, and to exceedingly vulnerable people at that. When nothing could be further from the truth.
Oh, such a good musical reference.
That's right. We're allowed to like the art. I strongly suggest leaving this conversation right where it is.
“But something’s lost, and something’s gained.”
Lately the lyrics that are resonating with me are from Oliver Anthony’s Rich Men North of Richmond: “Living in the new world with an old soul....”
Same. As an older millennial my views are incongruent with a large chunk of my generation.
That’s putting it mildly!
Why are we ALL finding this blanket rejection of our entire being by people who have known us well?! People with whom we probably were able to debate and discuss, and maybe agree to disagree if nothing else. Here we are, happy to remain on good terms with these friends and family even if they have moved to Wokeville, but they have somehow lost the ability to accept us as decent people and agree to disagree. I don’t think that I have heard of anyone who rejects Woke but who still has Woke friends; the Woke pull away at the first sign that you disagree...and they pull HARD, with disgust.
It's made me really, really sad. I have some friends still who are pretty woke, and they basically avoid woke talk with me, but I still feel the distancing. A close friend of 20 years is now in a relationship with someone who identifies as non-binary, and while I've kept up our text chain, he's markedly quiet. Until, that is, I shared that I had had a rough summer, emotionally; and now that he's studying to become a therapist, he's more than interested to ask me if I've engaged with any mental health practitioners. It all feels gross. I've never said a word about his non-binary partner except to verify that my friend is still attracted to men (which is what his nb partner is). How has their estimation of me changed so drastically? They can't really believe that I *hate* trans and nb people, right?
Your friendships with these people are likely already over. This isn't how friends relate to each other.
I've never seen it happen any other way. These "friends" don't "come back." What you're seeing is, unfortunately, the real them. The people they have always been, and always will be.
It happened to me.
I should say "he" instead of "they" at the end there
To realize that people who had known me so long, chose to throw me under the bus, and chose to paint me wrongly, for me that said they had been waiting for opportunity to do so and had never cared for me at all? That was jarring....to know that I had wasted so much time on people who didn't really like me? But suffered me to be around? Found it so incredibly easy to just throw me away? And this was family and friends? But, I also came up in a cluster B den of vipers so....
I guess it varies by each individual case, but my impression with my friends isn't so much that they never really liked me, it's just that they are wired differently than I am. The societal and personal events of last twenty years or so have convinced me that you are either a person who is psychologically inclined to open-mindedness, or you aren't. There's some kind of innate ability to NOTICE, to question the status quo, and to at least potentially change your mind that isn't all that common.
I used to think that being "liberal" meant that you had this trait, and that being "conservative" meant that you were closed-minded and would be likely to disregard obvious facts if they conflicted with your worldview. I was so so wrong.
And in many ways, I still don't get what has gone so crazy. In law school, for instance, I had an interesting mixed group of friends and, as law students are wont to do, we loved discussing and debating absolutely everything. We had born-again Christians, we had committed Catholics, we had atheists and agnostics, we were from wealthy backgrounds, from poor backgrounds, from New York City and from farmlands and backwoods. Military members, and anti-war peaceniks. And we all could talk to each other and express our opinions and thoughts openly---and we enjoyed it!
My work colleagues, who are all criminal prosecutors, are almost all completely captured by at least Woke-adjacent attitudes. I can't even discuss criminal cases with them if the Woke narrative is against my take on the situation---think Trayvon Martin or Kyle Rittenhouse. And these are prosecutors taking the side of the criminals!! It's not so much that they disagree with me, it's that they refuse to discuss it and look at you as though you have lost your marbles if you mention a contrary take.
" And these are prosecutors taking the side of the criminals!! It's not so much that they disagree with me, it's that they refuse to discuss it and look at you as though you have lost your marbles if you mention a contrary take."
YES! that exactly....mind blowing....what happened? Its why I question whether they ever liked me or not?
I have what I always wanted but never got when I was younger. Security. I never thought I would be who I am right now. Not that I didn't want my current life, which is good. I was never expected to be anything other that in jail, dead or in some institution by the most important people around me from early on. I have done none of those things. Sure you shouldn't be proud of that, these are simple things you are not supposed to do in the first place but not ending up like that is an accomplishment for someone in my situation. Most of the adults around me tried to direct me into that life, very few did not and I am forever grateful to them. I didn't do what was expected of me, it got me in a lot of trouble, I'm still like that but the individuals around me had some questionable expectations. I never even thought much about what I would be at middle age, I was never encouraged to have a future, so having one is still something I am getting used to, but I'm doing well. Better than most of the people who thought I would never do much of anything.
All the things that were supposed to be some sense of support ended up being major disappointments. Most of all feminism, the one thing I can say I gained from it is that feminists are better misogynists that most incels. The worst racists alive are liberals, I also learned that one the hard way when the progressives around me realized I was not a pet and don't like being pitied. They became very dangerous when they realized people like me have ambitions of our own and are not interested in living up to our stereotypes. I never get that attitude from the conservatives I know.
Public education is mostly a place where those that cannot hang in the real world go for a secure government checks, benefits and a pension, and the ability to have control over vulnerable people while holding most of the populace hostage over money. School is for the adults involved, the kids get almost nothing and it is showing. I survived that system thanks to social promotion, got no real anything out of it other than a drivers license. There are a few good people there but not many if it was a business it would have the for lease sign going up in the front. Yet we send children there all the time, all day, I hope one day this changes. As for the government couldn't agree but don't forget city, county, state they are just as mafioso and useless as their federal cousins.
I never thought that living a rather conventional and traditional life as a wife, stepmother and stepmother-in-law would actually be fulfilling. I was lead to believe that was the worst thing you could do with your life as a woman from early on. But it is, I do plenty of other things despite all kinds of things I have to navigate around. Having very little real school is supposed to be the worst thing a person in our society can have but that is my life as well and I've done better without it, no debt, business owner despite what the government shoves in my way, homeowner in one of the most competitive real estate markets out there, again despite what the government has shoved in my way, a good marriage, great friends and great health for my age.
I still have no idea what I am supposed to be but this half of my life has been much better than the first.
Somehow through the years I got this idea that I shouldn't be so easily satisfied with who I am. I mean, was there no room for improvement? That part was a no-brainer when I realized that I didn't like some aspects of myself in my younger days. Part of the problem was simply that I was "green" in the way young people tend to be self-focused and indeed self-absorbed. Parenthood either makes a person better or makes them worse. Unless you are wealthy and don't have to choose how to spend your limited financial resources (I was never in that class), I found myself wanting to give priority to my kids' needs and wants. Good lord, I was actually thinking about somebody other than moi! Then I learned something about karma. Specifically, that we have a bigger role than we suspect of making our own good karma and bad karma. This is the stuff that acts like a boomerang and comes back to us in one coin or another. Admittedly, the results are unpredictable as far as timing goes so, but I learned something important that is absolutely counterintuitive: the more you give, the more you receive. Don't ask me how that can possibly work, but it does. Kindness, generosity begets more of it, but so does selfishness and greed. Go figure. I don't much care for the "old" me but I think I have made some improvements over the years that benefit my family, friends, neighbors, and just about everybody I encounter. But there's always more work to do.
Interesting question. I think the results of the last 3.5 years have sharply put into focus what my attitudes and beliefs have been moored to for my entire life, and upon examination, found to be rooted in half truths and propaganda. We are roughly the same age, Josh; perhaps you feel the same way. A couple of examples: I genuinely believed Roosevelt was a good president even though he set up concentration camps in our own country, against our own citizens, and mass murdered innocent civilians with the authorization of using the atomic bomb. I genuinely believed Margaret Sanger was a ‘hero’ for women even though she was a raging eugenicist/racist; I genuinely believed that ‘intellectuals’ were the arbiters of moral clarity and would be able to guide ordinary citizens to the promised land of utopian sanctuary. All of it, ALL of it, I believed. I now know human beings will keep making the same mistakes, over and over, because that is human nature. Man’s inhumanity to man will never cease. I recognize my own culpability in believing lies, being duped, trusting what was spoon fed to me through all my years of higher education, etc. I am much, much more skeptical now and ‘read between the lines’ and question everything. To many of my contemporaries this scrutiny is not welcome and I have been accused of being a conspiracy theorist; the old me would have been bothered by this, but the new me understands the tactics employed against those who simply dare question the catechism of the new enlightenment orthodoxy. It took something like Covid to stir me out of a half century of being asleep at the wheel, but the truth is I was such a fool. Though arguably I am still a fool, perhaps I am a much more skeptical one.
Love this. I feel the fool for not seeing the world as it is. For assuming that modern American society was immune to the worst of humanity’s tribalism, cruelty, and irrationality.
This question shook me. Not because I am someone who I never expected to be but because I realized ( have begun to realize with more clarity ) in recent months that I’ve never had much of an idea of who “I” was, much less who I “should /could “ be. This is not to say I am nothing or feel worthless. I am not/ I don’t. But I’ve never really allowed myself to consciously, intentionally dream for myself. For others, yes. I have lived life as a “ lady in waiting”. Its been a good life in many many ways. But Im bone tired of waiting. Time to dream while awake.
Awake, not woke!
I don't know that I expected (politically) be be anything back in the day. I trusted media, didn't we all, I never got involved in the right/left thing cause it didn't effect me LOL. Although parents were staunch Dems and have one sibling that is the rest of those in the family are conservative.
As if the revision in your values were not enough, such introspection in itself reveals a resistance to your post-human condition which we need to address. Whenever you encounter thoughts of this nature, we suggest asking yourself, "what is the emoticon for this?" Reflect on this for no longer than the permitted length of a TikTok post. Before breakfast, reframe yourself with thirty seconds of knee-taking whilst listening to a Justin Trudeau speech. We advise placing a screen filled with that recent photograph of Greta Thunberg, Ursula Von der Leyen and Vladimir Zelenskyyyyy before you. You were never anyone with expectations, only hopes for the Greater Good of the Common Purpose.
Now drink your cockroach juice and shut up.
I think some parts of my younger self would be horrified at the politics of my older self but really, the big libertarian streak in me was always there. Literally, while in high school in the late 80s, I wrote a paper arguing that the new seat bell law in Michigan was unconstitutional and people had a right to risk their own lives while driving if they wanted to.
But mostly, I'd be very horrified and disappointed to find out that all my dreams would be shattered, that I never found my soul mate, and that I'm struggling with a mysterious neurological illness at 53 (NOT vaxx related but a big FU to fluoroquinolone antibiotics). Oddly, despite the health anxiety and how crappy I can feel on any given day, I'm also far more resilient than I ever imagined I could be, much calmer, and way less neurotic. I'm less angry, and thankfully no longer obsessed with men, which was unhealthy and frankly a waste of my energies. Spiritually, I'm doing much, much better overall.
I was floxed in 2016. I recovered but will never forget the experience. When were you floxed? Feel free to reach out as I know the terror of being floxed.
I became a Leftist because I was against the forever wars. I am an Arab-American, (my father immigrated here, and my mother is from a farming/ blue collar background.). The
re was a lot of conflict within my narcissistic family. As the scapegoat, I was at once rebellious and desperate to belong to something. What could possibly go wrong with that?
From 3rd grade through my sophomore year of high school, I lived in 2 Arab Muslim countries. (My father had teaching jobs)
My adolescence was pure Hell.
So much of my personal development hinged on Pissing Off Dad. Blind rebellion led me down a very self-destructive path, almost like I was saying, "You think I'm a *slut/*druggie */piece of shit?!? FINE. Hold my beer"...
It wasn't until I discovered the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery community that I realized what was going on. I thought that after my narcissistic father died, I could have a better relationship with my siblings, but the scapegoating has only deepened since Golden Child sister has taken over the family.
I accept that I can't win, and I no longer want to be accepted by them.
I never thought I could heal.
But I can.
It is freeing and gives me hope.
It's nice to know a bit about you and your past, having seen your comments and your name for so long. Thank you.
Thank YOU!