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I’m nothing like the person I expected to be. Are you?
Mornings bring bracing clarity of thought, I’ve discovered, at least since hangovers are no longer part of my balanced breakfast. Things my mind doesn’t want to see directly are right there on a velvet cushion under a featuring spotlight.
This sentence just came into my head: “How are you this person at 49 years old that you would have looked at with disgust and contempt before about seven years ago? You’re that guy. You’re a conservative, you don’t much like other gays, and you want almost every federal government department shut down?”
In the morning, before I’m fully awake, the thought is clear and bracing. I haven’t had time to massage it with words and meanderings. It’s just sort of “plonked,” as Patsy Stone would say.
Are you somebody you never thought you would be? Are you someone you would have hated?
Something else?
Tell me about it, would you?
Who did you expect to be?
Five years ago, anytime there was a mass shooting that involved kids, I laid the blame squarely at the feet of anyone who spoke about the right to own guns. That shooting that brought us professional young douche bag David Hogg? I posted on Facebook that thanks to "gun nuts" many kids would not be going home that night.
This is just one example of how insufferable I was then. And it's not like I am ultra conservative now. I just SEE things that I did not see back then. I legit didn't see how manipulative the left could be. I was right along with the people who "defended" boys who wanted to be girls. I would reply to some Jesus-shouter (as my jackass self called conservative Christians) that they obviously would rather have a dead son than a live daughter. I did. I said that and I am really ashamed.
I was just full-tilt stupid. I wish I could apologize to some of the people that me and my Facebook pals trolled and mocked non-stop. Most likely, the ministers and other Christian topic groups were ran by people who couldn't give a crap about what we said.
I wore it like a badge that I got blocked by the Chick-Fil-A page back in about 2012 when the CEO supposedly gave money to genuinely sick anti-gay groups world wide.
When some famous woman Christian minister openly rejected her son because he was gay? I bought her a "membership" of sorts to the GLAAD organization. I thought I was so clever, and RIGHT.
So yeah, that's my whole point. I, too, figured I would be making much better money (I am) and would be able to contribute to my pet liberal causes. I am not opposed to contribute to some liberal causes, but I no longer make any judgements about any person who identifies as conservative or Christian, or anything even more right wing. I look in the mirror and recall what a queen douche bag I used to be.
While I give myself some time to ponder and respond to your question, I just want to say that I am very glad you are the person you are today.