Before reading your post I watched a 30 minute YouTube video of people laid off from tech companies. Most were woman. This could have been a SNL skit from 30 years ago when SNL was actually funny. The self indulgence and self importance was staggering. It’s not just they were useless DEI hires, it’s they had not an inkling of how self grandiose they were. On woman that designed emojis for Microsoft saw her work as god’s work.
This makes me think of when I worked for a company run by a pair of married lesbians. It was hell. They only hired people who fawned over them and they were always trying to pry into everyone’s personal and even medical information. Meetings upon meetings and nothing got done. I prayed for male energy to come back into my life and my prayers have been answered. In the years since I’ve become a conservative, voted Republican and changed my registration. I note that my conservative friends can disagree without it being a big deal. My liberal friends throw fits and have weird performative meltdowns on social media. It would be nice if a return to basically civilized behavior could occur. Great article. I’m glad Holly brought your work to my attention. I really enjoy your posts.
"Men and women are complementary; their natural average psychological propensities serve to temper the other. Women in the home temper a man’s excesses, sexual/violent and otherwise. Mom is there to remind Dad that tough love is not the answer to every childhood problem, and that listening, empathizing, and sometimes cuddling, is a necessary part of the recipe. Home, both physical and psychological, matters.
Dad serves to temper mom’s emotional excess. He’s the one who sometimes needs to step in and remind her to leave Timmy alone and let him get over his skinned knee without excessive fuss. He’s a firewall that stops mom’s natural and normal maternal instincts from cossetting the children so tightly they never learn to walk two blocks in the city on their own."
"Women in the home temper a man’s excesses, sexual/violent and otherwise"
In case you were not aware of it, research dating back to the 1970s, starting with the work of Suzanne Steinmetz, Murray Straus, and Richard Gelles, found that women batter men as often as the converse. Those findings have been consistently replicated in the following years and decades. Feminists made death threats against the three to try to silence them, and the media has covered up this truth ever since.
Frank. Thanks for this. I was aware of this but had not thought about it for a while. Thx for the refresher. I haven’t followed that body of work for a while. What’s new in the research in that area?
Hi Jennifer. The latest I heard was that the Harvard Medical School did a study which found that in cases where domestic violence was unilateral (where only one partner perpetrated it), women perpetarted it 73% of the time. About half of DV is unilateral, and half is mutual (both partners do it). I think Bettina Arndt, here on Substack, may have more up to date information on that.
I was defending your point though “Women in the home temper a man’s excesses, sexual/violent and otherwise.” I’m sorry if that upset you. Have a nice evening.
I am one of those middle-aged men dealing with such a mother. She was an old-school democrat that instantly transformed into an unreasonable person suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome, and an acute case at that. Yes. TDS is real. When you wrote that men in the home temper their wives emotions, it very much resonated with me. My father passed just last year in early November and since then my mother’s behavior surrounding politics and culture has become unhinged and grossly irrational. Her language is insulting, rude, and hostile. Often she would pull the age card while taking over me as if that sort of behavior is the normal way to have a discussion. Fortunately, we’ve both verbally agreed to never discuss politics again (despite me making this plea months ago - it’s as if she ignored it, then decided to take credit for the idea very recently - I just took the win and moved on).
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you refuse to be spoken to like that, and that you hang up the phone and physically leave her presence when she does. You have to train her with consequences.
Ugh, somehow my Boomer parents went from thinking Bill and Hillary Clinton were just awful in the 90s, even before Monica Lewinksy, to voting Hillary, fawning over Biden's corpse and hating Trump. And even when I point out things like the literal jihadi communist poised to destroy NYC, they can only stare at me blankly and bark "but Trump [insert media hoax talking point like "fine people" or "suckers and losers"] !! Lately it's "tariff prices" which I honestly haven't really noticed much, except for rice (of all things) nearly doubling in price.
At least we can still exist in the same space but you cannot have a rational political discussion with them. Trump is "mean" and "destroying norms" as if 100 years of bureaucratic tyranny didn't ALREADY do that. Sigh.
I see another version of the same thing: decades ago, when my 10,000+ person organization was run exclusively by men, it was bad. Then there was a golden age where upper management was mixed male/female & we really made the world a better place, served the community, worked hard and were proud to be a part of it. Now that all the power is I. Female hands…it is once again, very, very bad. I am an old woman, and when I see those stupid t-shirts that say the Supreme Court needs nine women, I want to scream “Revenge sexism is not equality!”
It was not usually a problem of benefiting one’s own sex—it was more about needing leaders of both sexes running and managing everything together, to highlight eachother’s virtues. I often saw males being abusive to other males, and females being abusive to other females. Mixing up the policy makers and leaders so both sexes are represented at every level made it better for everyone served by the organization & everyone in it. We are not naturally competing teams. A football team composed of only quarterbacks would not work well.
I’m a woman but this post had me speed reading in order to get here to comment. You have touched on many important points here and I want to say how right you are. It’s my dear daughters you are describing but this gets directed at their dad and I. But especially me, their mother.
We have good relationships in general but if there is any agitation in their lives they snap…at me, for my vote. I become every hack right wing caricature ever invented. Horrible things. I have been threatened with losing one daughter to self harm or no contact. It’s hateful and unhinged. It’s manipulative. Obviously we have sworn off any remotely political conversations totally, because they will self destruct if they are reminded we are “Nazis.”
I believe this is an unprecedented mental health disaster.
I am so sorry. It will be hard for a mother, but I would advise you to put up with zero of this behavior. The minute one of your daughters pull this, the correct response is "how dare you speak to me that way?", followed by asking her to leave your house, hanging up the phone, or you leaving her house and refusing communciations from her until an unprompted apology.
You have to train them with consequences. If you don't, this is the rest of your life with them.
Good advice. I had to do this with my daughter. She was/is an emotional, manipulative bully prone to massive temper tantrums when she didn't get 'her way' (mostly not political conversations but still same dynamic). I finally said "enough! If you can't stop this behaviour, then you can't enjoy our company and all the special other things that come with our relationship". Hint: my spouse is in total agreement with me. It'd be very tough to do this without a united front. The door is always open, with the contingency that we must have a frank discussion about her inappropriate behaviour first. Unfortunately, she's chosen not to engage. However, it's been the most peaceful 18 months we've had since she was born.
This. This resonates with my family situation. And I’m aware of other families with same/similar. For these younger women, it’s not CNN et al but the TikTok algorithm that feeds the TDS in a huge way. Just. 👏🏼Watch. 👏🏼 Their. 👏🏼 Performative. 👏🏼 Monologues. 👏🏼 To. 👏🏼 Each. 👏🏼 Other. 👏🏼 And when they bring home that clapping sh!te to me, see ya.
Thanks for the reminders of zero tolerance, Josh. When dealing with cluster B, it’s definitely needed. Saying no to political discussions helps, but is not a cure.
Sorry, I thought everyone knew the term now. Doom scrolling is scrolling constantly on the internet/social media until a person finds news to panic/worry about.
My Mom has had a problem with it for a long time and not in the liberal sphere. It was alternative medicine during the first Ebola outbreak, and again right wing media during the lockdowns.
She would demand that my Dad and myself be hysterically upset about any number of things. And want us to worry about things outside our sphere of influence or we were bad/uncaring people.
Ah, thank you. That clarifies. What you wrote naked, without context, could not be known. It looked like a disguised dig, which is common behavior online.
I have seen these crazy, gray-haired, leftist, feminists screaming at people in reels, and on videos. Perhaps you’ve done this already, but I would be interested in your take on the recent trend towards the canceling of parents. Generally, the mother. It seems to be the new trend. Perhaps it replaces the whole trans thing. I see it going on all around me, and I’m hearing words like “toxic” and “boundaries” from young people who seem to have been given it all. And perhaps I just answered my own question as to its origin. These are people you wouldn’t want to be in a trench with, in my view. My comment is probably going to set a lot of people off, and that’s not my intention. I would just be interested in hearing other peoples experiences, and from you on this, in particular.
I am experiencing it from my 35 year-old son, the one I’ve always been closest to, and the youngest. I was probably too good to him, and, of course, I am to blame. I must’ve been a little too tardy with a Band-Aid once. At any rate, since this has happened, I actually like myself a lot more. I’m setting boundaries, so something good has come from it!
PS. I also blame the enabling, leftist therapists of their generation. Taught to just affirm and make them feel good about themselves. They can all kiss my ….
If you haven’t already, would you write about this? There’s a study that came out recently, and I can’t remember from where, that said that the more therapy this generation has, the more and unhealthy they become. Apparently, in the re-remembering things get muddy. And then, of course, affirmed. We know how memory works, right? Kind of like the telephone game.
See my recent audio only episode with psychiatrist Hannah Spier. This subject takes up a good chunk of our hour togther. Find it on all audio/video platforms. It's recent, and her name is in the title.
I just finished that episode with Hannah Spier, it’s so full of insight. I’m still thinking about it. Suzi, do listen, I think it will put a lot in perspective.
I personally know of four mothers who have no contact, or little contact, initiated by their daughters. In every case, the daughter is a limousine liberal (lacked nothing growing up, very present yet working mothers as they grew up), and the mother is more conservative (but not extreme right).
I have wanted to say this out loud, but have felt it's probably too far/too callous. I have said to myself so many times, while going down the rabbit hole reading PITT posts (Parents with Inconvenient Truths about Trans, personal stories of non-affirming parents), that I wish one of my two daughters had tried pulling that bullsh*t. She would have been shut down so fast, it'd make her addled brain spin. Cut me off for your glitter family? Go for it. Move away and never speak to me again? Sure. I'll be out gardening. I read recently of one mother who received a text from her daughter not to attend her wedding --- which the mother had paid half of -- but she said she could "attend" via a Zoom link. The mother texted back, "enjoy your special day!" and left it at that. The mother's phone was blowing up, haha. Not the heartbroken reaction the daughter expected.
Yes, the stories are everywhere now and Instagram and TikTok certainly have the algorithms. Yet, behind every one of them, there is deep pain. I don’t think I spanked mine enough. 😏
I am a grief and bereavement counselor. I have counseled at least 1000 people, and I can tell you that even, and sometimes often, in the toughest times — or even the most painful, humor can be helpful. But thanks for trying to call me out.
Perhaps, if A.I. can simulate personality development, we could try all different levels of spanking and weak parenting and authoritarian parenting etc.
To see how it affects life outcomes.
If not, let's make an app to simulate a slap on the face for TikTok personalities we find tiresome or objectionable.
Yeah...that happened to me...my sister claimed I was "toxic" because SHE gets triggered by seeing me....because I was sexually abused by. her father between the ages of 11-14, and she, a very young child, was in the room, and witnessed it.
In other words, because she witnessed me being sexually abused, and it's an unpleasant memory for her -- I'm toxic.
Your comment speaks in such generalities that it’s laughable. Lack of self control is usually associated with young people, whose brains haven’t developed enough, or, in some cases, some who have Alzheimer’s or dementia. Certainly it exists in other areas. Clearly, this is a big button pusher for you, so you experienced it to some degree. But I have to call you on the ridiculousness of your broad, sweeping statement.
I was thinking of differential aging theory. It's been posited as a reason old people get cranky. Frontal lobe degeneration is more rapid than amygdala. Stronger emotion, less regulation.
I think very old people are like very young people.
They need care, help with toileting, and appropriate treatment based on their capacities.
I have a close male friend I've known for over 4 decades. He's been married 50 years and at least 45 of those years have been miserable - for both of them. Neither of them have been faithful, they cannot communicate at all, they agree on very little, they constantly sabotage each other, and the wife has turned their 3 daughters into clones of herself, mostly by example, and encouraged them to use their father like she uses him.
A reasonable question to ask is why do they stay together. In the early years of their marriage, after they had their 3 children, her reason was that in addition to being taught by her religion that divorce is a sin, she couldn't support 3 children on her own, evidently believing that he would contribute nothing. His response to their incompatibility has been to engage in sequential affairs, and staying away from home as much as possible. Which, due to the nature of his work, is quite a lot. This has been his modus operandi for nearly 4 decades. Later, after building a successful business, and keeping his wife and daughters, even once they became married adults, in an upper-middle class lifestyle, he claims he can't leave the marriage because he would have to give up half of what he's worked all his life to attain.
This is an example of a terrible marriage in which the couple have managed, by virtue of both finding ways to stomach their dislike, if not hatred, of one another, by compromise: she puts up with his philandering and absence by constantly harassing him while spending egregiously on herself and the 3 adult daughters and their kids, and he soothes himself with a life of traveling for his business 300 days out of the year and sequential affairs to make up for years of being deprived of sex in his marriage and some semblance of companionship.
My friend and his wife have forfeited their chance of marital happiness on the alter of self-serving compromises. Her: A comfortable lifestyle. Him: Not having to give up any of his business in a divorce settlement. I shake my head in disbelief. While I commend them keeping the marriage in tact until their children were grown, clearly the 3 daughters didn't have the security of a mother and father devoted to each other, and knew that mom and dad were not happy. The 3 daughters have gone on to have marriages very much like their mom and dad's. The legacy continues.
Forgive me. I know this is a long comment and off-topic, too, but the subject of this post, somewhat obliquely, brought their marriage to mind.
He managed to control a wife and three daughters and put them on paths producing lots of his genes.
I think it'd be harder if the husband was born a generation later. Just as middle aged men today couldn't hold a candle to Homer Simpson in life success.
I’m guessing this kind of thing is quite common, marriage in an age of 80 year lifespans is a very different proposition than it was in 1900 when the life expectancy was <50, but the institution hasn’t evolved to address that.
Huhn. FINALLY. I moved from Idaho to Northampton, MA 8 years ago, to be closer to family. I had no idea that it was the motherload for angry lesbians and then, a few years later, angry trans chicks. The hatred and disdain towards boys and men was palpable. I became a masculinist, advocating for boys and men, against overwhelming Feminist honey badger nastiness. I'm thrilled and relieved to see others doing the same. BTW, please don't forget the all-important modifying adjective for these demented women: AMERICAN women!
Yes. This. My mother turned into something else after Dad died, but it was a slow burn. He always tempered her attitude and emotions. She was a widow at 56, and after she retired, she stayed home, watched CNN all day, and ate junk food (she was diabetic).
When covid came to town, this decline intensified. She became a covid Karen. When we were growing up, she believed in letting your body fight colds and flu. All we had in the house were Vick's and aspirin. Suddenly, she was all about the stab and the "rules".
Fortunately, my brother was there to stop some of the lunacy. They managed to get one jab in her without his OK, and her health declined further. She had to be covid tested before going to the nursing home, and she was pissed that my brother didn't have to test, too.
She ruined her relationship with both of us and died a deeply unhappy, mentally ill woman.
I have never been a feminist, but I myself learned an important lesson in the last few years. My first husband, who is deceased, was raised by a lefty feminist. He deferred to me for everything. I paid the bills. I made the household decisions. If something needed fixed, or put together, or diagnosed, he looked to me. Either I would do it, or I was to talk him through it. There was always something wrong underneath that, but it was the way it was and we all get swept up in the tide of living. I am married again to a wonderful man. We rarely have tension. For a few years the only time we argued was when we undertook a project together. I assumed my role of steering or talking him through it. Our minds work differently. We would both get irritated and angry. And finally I realized, he doesn't need me there. He doesn't need me to help or watch or direct or do anything but shut up and go away and let him handle it. Women, even me, learned the wrong lessons about our roles in this life. It's destructive and has ruined society.
But perhaps our incredible richness will dispense with the need. Especially if everyone has an A.I. safeguarding monitor that sounds an alarm when a wife domestic abuse nags her husband.
Politics and social issues weren't a hot button in my house growing up decades ago yet my mother was highly critical of my dad, younger brother and me. My younger brother took it and it hurt him. My dad didn't like it and drank after work. I, too analytical as a teen, questioned my mom. You can guess how that went over.
My dad didn't appreciate that in me. I got scolded by him for it.
When he passed after my brother and I were adults, mom didn't want anything to do with me my children or my brother and his children. As she aged, she let him into her life a little. Occasionally she'd talk with me on the phone. She could still be angry and punitive. She's gone now and I still don't get it, her extreme emotions when triggered.
She wasn't always like that but grew to be that way. I think she was unhappy being married and a mom.
I think that a generation that belonged to a Roosevelt cult, I would have joined too, think that anything other than democrat is the wrong tribe. She (90) was a democratic poll person and would only watch ‘“the news”. She was a wonderful person and everyday we(my wife her daughter) we talk about her stories. She was a feminist who never said those words but counted on the men in her life. Naturally. I like that that is how it is.
Before reading your post I watched a 30 minute YouTube video of people laid off from tech companies. Most were woman. This could have been a SNL skit from 30 years ago when SNL was actually funny. The self indulgence and self importance was staggering. It’s not just they were useless DEI hires, it’s they had not an inkling of how self grandiose they were. On woman that designed emojis for Microsoft saw her work as god’s work.
The vast majority of these "jobs" are useless daycare for women.
LMAO
Oof! Sharp, but funny.
You went there bro.👊🏼
Gonna keep it a secret?
What was this video?
This makes me think of when I worked for a company run by a pair of married lesbians. It was hell. They only hired people who fawned over them and they were always trying to pry into everyone’s personal and even medical information. Meetings upon meetings and nothing got done. I prayed for male energy to come back into my life and my prayers have been answered. In the years since I’ve become a conservative, voted Republican and changed my registration. I note that my conservative friends can disagree without it being a big deal. My liberal friends throw fits and have weird performative meltdowns on social media. It would be nice if a return to basically civilized behavior could occur. Great article. I’m glad Holly brought your work to my attention. I really enjoy your posts.
Lesbian marriages have the highest rates of divorce, acrimony, abuse, neglect, you name it.
Thanks be to our lesbian sisters for exposing this common denominator!
Thank you Josh. I want to especially affirm this:
"Men and women are complementary; their natural average psychological propensities serve to temper the other. Women in the home temper a man’s excesses, sexual/violent and otherwise. Mom is there to remind Dad that tough love is not the answer to every childhood problem, and that listening, empathizing, and sometimes cuddling, is a necessary part of the recipe. Home, both physical and psychological, matters.
Dad serves to temper mom’s emotional excess. He’s the one who sometimes needs to step in and remind her to leave Timmy alone and let him get over his skinned knee without excessive fuss. He’s a firewall that stops mom’s natural and normal maternal instincts from cossetting the children so tightly they never learn to walk two blocks in the city on their own."
100% true. Thank you.
I agree. That is gold.
"Women in the home temper a man’s excesses, sexual/violent and otherwise"
In case you were not aware of it, research dating back to the 1970s, starting with the work of Suzanne Steinmetz, Murray Straus, and Richard Gelles, found that women batter men as often as the converse. Those findings have been consistently replicated in the following years and decades. Feminists made death threats against the three to try to silence them, and the media has covered up this truth ever since.
My pleasure
Here is Professor Martin Fiebert’s compendium
https://www.humanrightsaction.org/violence/Fiebert/english.html
Frank. Thanks for this. I was aware of this but had not thought about it for a while. Thx for the refresher. I haven’t followed that body of work for a while. What’s new in the research in that area?
Hi Jennifer. The latest I heard was that the Harvard Medical School did a study which found that in cases where domestic violence was unilateral (where only one partner perpetrated it), women perpetarted it 73% of the time. About half of DV is unilateral, and half is mutual (both partners do it). I think Bettina Arndt, here on Substack, may have more up to date information on that.
That makes me wonder about the difference between, say, 2019 and 2024.
That behavior isn’t okay but the rape and murder rates don’t even compare, even in countries with loose gun restrictions.
Can't ever let women's crimes be acknowledged without pivoting immediately to "men are worse."
Don't wonder why men get frustrated and hate comments like this. They never stop.
We get it. Men Most Bad.
Now cue: "I didn't say that"
Right?
I was defending your point though “Women in the home temper a man’s excesses, sexual/violent and otherwise.” I’m sorry if that upset you. Have a nice evening.
I'm sorry if I misread you.
Dear men,
I have a husband, two sons, four grandsons, a brother, son-in-law, many male family members and friends, etc.
My life has been infinitely better because of the men in my life and also the men in the world.
It's better physically, psychologically, spiritually…
I would hate to be in the world without you!
Thank you for being here.
Agreed! I love the men in my life. I especially like how differently they see the world, and I always learn something from them.
I am one of those middle-aged men dealing with such a mother. She was an old-school democrat that instantly transformed into an unreasonable person suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome, and an acute case at that. Yes. TDS is real. When you wrote that men in the home temper their wives emotions, it very much resonated with me. My father passed just last year in early November and since then my mother’s behavior surrounding politics and culture has become unhinged and grossly irrational. Her language is insulting, rude, and hostile. Often she would pull the age card while taking over me as if that sort of behavior is the normal way to have a discussion. Fortunately, we’ve both verbally agreed to never discuss politics again (despite me making this plea months ago - it’s as if she ignored it, then decided to take credit for the idea very recently - I just took the win and moved on).
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you refuse to be spoken to like that, and that you hang up the phone and physically leave her presence when she does. You have to train her with consequences.
Sorry you’re going through this. TDS is definitely real. And I’m sure her (and your) grief over losing your father exacerbates the whole thing.
TDS is democrat politics. No policy.
I'm very sorry to see this. Hopefully, she keeps up her end of the deal.
Ugh, somehow my Boomer parents went from thinking Bill and Hillary Clinton were just awful in the 90s, even before Monica Lewinksy, to voting Hillary, fawning over Biden's corpse and hating Trump. And even when I point out things like the literal jihadi communist poised to destroy NYC, they can only stare at me blankly and bark "but Trump [insert media hoax talking point like "fine people" or "suckers and losers"] !! Lately it's "tariff prices" which I honestly haven't really noticed much, except for rice (of all things) nearly doubling in price.
At least we can still exist in the same space but you cannot have a rational political discussion with them. Trump is "mean" and "destroying norms" as if 100 years of bureaucratic tyranny didn't ALREADY do that. Sigh.
I see another version of the same thing: decades ago, when my 10,000+ person organization was run exclusively by men, it was bad. Then there was a golden age where upper management was mixed male/female & we really made the world a better place, served the community, worked hard and were proud to be a part of it. Now that all the power is I. Female hands…it is once again, very, very bad. I am an old woman, and when I see those stupid t-shirts that say the Supreme Court needs nine women, I want to scream “Revenge sexism is not equality!”
Perhaps there should be gender apartheid.
Let women rule on female cases like women aborting a daughter.
Men rule on cases affecting males.
Or go further, make a female only state, gosh that'd turn out funny.
It was not usually a problem of benefiting one’s own sex—it was more about needing leaders of both sexes running and managing everything together, to highlight eachother’s virtues. I often saw males being abusive to other males, and females being abusive to other females. Mixing up the policy makers and leaders so both sexes are represented at every level made it better for everyone served by the organization & everyone in it. We are not naturally competing teams. A football team composed of only quarterbacks would not work well.
I’m a woman but this post had me speed reading in order to get here to comment. You have touched on many important points here and I want to say how right you are. It’s my dear daughters you are describing but this gets directed at their dad and I. But especially me, their mother.
We have good relationships in general but if there is any agitation in their lives they snap…at me, for my vote. I become every hack right wing caricature ever invented. Horrible things. I have been threatened with losing one daughter to self harm or no contact. It’s hateful and unhinged. It’s manipulative. Obviously we have sworn off any remotely political conversations totally, because they will self destruct if they are reminded we are “Nazis.”
I believe this is an unprecedented mental health disaster.
I am so sorry. It will be hard for a mother, but I would advise you to put up with zero of this behavior. The minute one of your daughters pull this, the correct response is "how dare you speak to me that way?", followed by asking her to leave your house, hanging up the phone, or you leaving her house and refusing communciations from her until an unprompted apology.
You have to train them with consequences. If you don't, this is the rest of your life with them.
I’m sorry you had to endure that. May you find grace and peace in your retirement!
Thank you so much. I may try that.
If you provide any financial assistance, you might reconsider that if Josh's suggestion doesn't help.
Good advice. I had to do this with my daughter. She was/is an emotional, manipulative bully prone to massive temper tantrums when she didn't get 'her way' (mostly not political conversations but still same dynamic). I finally said "enough! If you can't stop this behaviour, then you can't enjoy our company and all the special other things that come with our relationship". Hint: my spouse is in total agreement with me. It'd be very tough to do this without a united front. The door is always open, with the contingency that we must have a frank discussion about her inappropriate behaviour first. Unfortunately, she's chosen not to engage. However, it's been the most peaceful 18 months we've had since she was born.
This. This resonates with my family situation. And I’m aware of other families with same/similar. For these younger women, it’s not CNN et al but the TikTok algorithm that feeds the TDS in a huge way. Just. 👏🏼Watch. 👏🏼 Their. 👏🏼 Performative. 👏🏼 Monologues. 👏🏼 To. 👏🏼 Each. 👏🏼 Other. 👏🏼 And when they bring home that clapping sh!te to me, see ya.
Thanks for the reminders of zero tolerance, Josh. When dealing with cluster B, it’s definitely needed. Saying no to political discussions helps, but is not a cure.
They are brainwashed by there education . I guess like we were but now, only the FACTS ma’am.
Doom scrolling is terrible.
What does that mean? Be specific, not cryptic. If you mean to snark, do it directly.
Sorry, I thought everyone knew the term now. Doom scrolling is scrolling constantly on the internet/social media until a person finds news to panic/worry about.
My Mom has had a problem with it for a long time and not in the liberal sphere. It was alternative medicine during the first Ebola outbreak, and again right wing media during the lockdowns.
She would demand that my Dad and myself be hysterically upset about any number of things. And want us to worry about things outside our sphere of influence or we were bad/uncaring people.
Ah, thank you. That clarifies. What you wrote naked, without context, could not be known. It looked like a disguised dig, which is common behavior online.
I have seen these crazy, gray-haired, leftist, feminists screaming at people in reels, and on videos. Perhaps you’ve done this already, but I would be interested in your take on the recent trend towards the canceling of parents. Generally, the mother. It seems to be the new trend. Perhaps it replaces the whole trans thing. I see it going on all around me, and I’m hearing words like “toxic” and “boundaries” from young people who seem to have been given it all. And perhaps I just answered my own question as to its origin. These are people you wouldn’t want to be in a trench with, in my view. My comment is probably going to set a lot of people off, and that’s not my intention. I would just be interested in hearing other peoples experiences, and from you on this, in particular.
I see what you're seeing, including the unjustified "no contact" performativity.
I am experiencing it from my 35 year-old son, the one I’ve always been closest to, and the youngest. I was probably too good to him, and, of course, I am to blame. I must’ve been a little too tardy with a Band-Aid once. At any rate, since this has happened, I actually like myself a lot more. I’m setting boundaries, so something good has come from it!
PS. I also blame the enabling, leftist therapists of their generation. Taught to just affirm and make them feel good about themselves. They can all kiss my ….
If you haven’t already, would you write about this? There’s a study that came out recently, and I can’t remember from where, that said that the more therapy this generation has, the more and unhealthy they become. Apparently, in the re-remembering things get muddy. And then, of course, affirmed. We know how memory works, right? Kind of like the telephone game.
See my recent audio only episode with psychiatrist Hannah Spier. This subject takes up a good chunk of our hour togther. Find it on all audio/video platforms. It's recent, and her name is in the title.
I just finished that episode with Hannah Spier, it’s so full of insight. I’m still thinking about it. Suzi, do listen, I think it will put a lot in perspective.
There’s a book by Abby Shier (sp?) “bad therapy.”
Iatrogenic, psychoanalysis of the modern kind multiplies and installs neuroticism.
C.G. Jung said psychoanalysis is equivalent to supreme moral effort.
He also said a third of his patients recoveres, a third remained in analysis indefinitely, and a third gave up and didn't recover.
I personally know of four mothers who have no contact, or little contact, initiated by their daughters. In every case, the daughter is a limousine liberal (lacked nothing growing up, very present yet working mothers as they grew up), and the mother is more conservative (but not extreme right).
Actually this makes me think of an interesting podcast about how working moms (i.e., feminism that we were told was great) and daycare in particular might be a root cause of some of this. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-diary-of-a-ceo-with-steven-bartlett/id1291423644 with Erica Komisar.
Couldn't the Mums all work together to create day care centers?
Go their full time, they'd then be able to take breaks since they'd have 1:1 mothers to preschoolers.
Great for socialisation.
Free up labor market to double fathers wages.
Children get attachment to a stable caring mother.
We'd have to have inspections to make sure no feminist Marxist covens form though.
I have wanted to say this out loud, but have felt it's probably too far/too callous. I have said to myself so many times, while going down the rabbit hole reading PITT posts (Parents with Inconvenient Truths about Trans, personal stories of non-affirming parents), that I wish one of my two daughters had tried pulling that bullsh*t. She would have been shut down so fast, it'd make her addled brain spin. Cut me off for your glitter family? Go for it. Move away and never speak to me again? Sure. I'll be out gardening. I read recently of one mother who received a text from her daughter not to attend her wedding --- which the mother had paid half of -- but she said she could "attend" via a Zoom link. The mother texted back, "enjoy your special day!" and left it at that. The mother's phone was blowing up, haha. Not the heartbroken reaction the daughter expected.
Yes, the stories are everywhere now and Instagram and TikTok certainly have the algorithms. Yet, behind every one of them, there is deep pain. I don’t think I spanked mine enough. 😏
They don’t like it when you don’t give in to their manipulation.
This isn’t funny or “ha, gotcha”
It’s a fucking human tragedy.
I am a grief and bereavement counselor. I have counseled at least 1000 people, and I can tell you that even, and sometimes often, in the toughest times — or even the most painful, humor can be helpful. But thanks for trying to call me out.
Perhaps, if A.I. can simulate personality development, we could try all different levels of spanking and weak parenting and authoritarian parenting etc.
To see how it affects life outcomes.
If not, let's make an app to simulate a slap on the face for TikTok personalities we find tiresome or objectionable.
We need to center the healthy, productive, reproducing cultures.
The others need to go back to the shadows.
How many muslims cancel there families??? We are in a religious war.
Uh, honor killings?
They do it all the time.
Yeah...that happened to me...my sister claimed I was "toxic" because SHE gets triggered by seeing me....because I was sexually abused by. her father between the ages of 11-14, and she, a very young child, was in the room, and witnessed it.
In other words, because she witnessed me being sexually abused, and it's an unpleasant memory for her -- I'm toxic.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
And good riddance, I said.
We've always had to accept bad behaviour from old people.
I think their brains get worse at self control with age.
But I point to social media for deranging them further.
Your comment speaks in such generalities that it’s laughable. Lack of self control is usually associated with young people, whose brains haven’t developed enough, or, in some cases, some who have Alzheimer’s or dementia. Certainly it exists in other areas. Clearly, this is a big button pusher for you, so you experienced it to some degree. But I have to call you on the ridiculousness of your broad, sweeping statement.
Fair.
I was thinking of differential aging theory. It's been posited as a reason old people get cranky. Frontal lobe degeneration is more rapid than amygdala. Stronger emotion, less regulation.
I think very old people are like very young people.
They need care, help with toileting, and appropriate treatment based on their capacities.
I have a close male friend I've known for over 4 decades. He's been married 50 years and at least 45 of those years have been miserable - for both of them. Neither of them have been faithful, they cannot communicate at all, they agree on very little, they constantly sabotage each other, and the wife has turned their 3 daughters into clones of herself, mostly by example, and encouraged them to use their father like she uses him.
A reasonable question to ask is why do they stay together. In the early years of their marriage, after they had their 3 children, her reason was that in addition to being taught by her religion that divorce is a sin, she couldn't support 3 children on her own, evidently believing that he would contribute nothing. His response to their incompatibility has been to engage in sequential affairs, and staying away from home as much as possible. Which, due to the nature of his work, is quite a lot. This has been his modus operandi for nearly 4 decades. Later, after building a successful business, and keeping his wife and daughters, even once they became married adults, in an upper-middle class lifestyle, he claims he can't leave the marriage because he would have to give up half of what he's worked all his life to attain.
This is an example of a terrible marriage in which the couple have managed, by virtue of both finding ways to stomach their dislike, if not hatred, of one another, by compromise: she puts up with his philandering and absence by constantly harassing him while spending egregiously on herself and the 3 adult daughters and their kids, and he soothes himself with a life of traveling for his business 300 days out of the year and sequential affairs to make up for years of being deprived of sex in his marriage and some semblance of companionship.
My friend and his wife have forfeited their chance of marital happiness on the alter of self-serving compromises. Her: A comfortable lifestyle. Him: Not having to give up any of his business in a divorce settlement. I shake my head in disbelief. While I commend them keeping the marriage in tact until their children were grown, clearly the 3 daughters didn't have the security of a mother and father devoted to each other, and knew that mom and dad were not happy. The 3 daughters have gone on to have marriages very much like their mom and dad's. The legacy continues.
Forgive me. I know this is a long comment and off-topic, too, but the subject of this post, somewhat obliquely, brought their marriage to mind.
It might sound terrible.
But Darwin doesn't care about feelings.
He managed to control a wife and three daughters and put them on paths producing lots of his genes.
I think it'd be harder if the husband was born a generation later. Just as middle aged men today couldn't hold a candle to Homer Simpson in life success.
I’m guessing this kind of thing is quite common, marriage in an age of 80 year lifespans is a very different proposition than it was in 1900 when the life expectancy was <50, but the institution hasn’t evolved to address that.
Sex in marriage was sanctioned in those days.
Not like OnlyFans and marital rape of this day.
Huhn. FINALLY. I moved from Idaho to Northampton, MA 8 years ago, to be closer to family. I had no idea that it was the motherload for angry lesbians and then, a few years later, angry trans chicks. The hatred and disdain towards boys and men was palpable. I became a masculinist, advocating for boys and men, against overwhelming Feminist honey badger nastiness. I'm thrilled and relieved to see others doing the same. BTW, please don't forget the all-important modifying adjective for these demented women: AMERICAN women!
Yes. This. My mother turned into something else after Dad died, but it was a slow burn. He always tempered her attitude and emotions. She was a widow at 56, and after she retired, she stayed home, watched CNN all day, and ate junk food (she was diabetic).
When covid came to town, this decline intensified. She became a covid Karen. When we were growing up, she believed in letting your body fight colds and flu. All we had in the house were Vick's and aspirin. Suddenly, she was all about the stab and the "rules".
Fortunately, my brother was there to stop some of the lunacy. They managed to get one jab in her without his OK, and her health declined further. She had to be covid tested before going to the nursing home, and she was pissed that my brother didn't have to test, too.
She ruined her relationship with both of us and died a deeply unhappy, mentally ill woman.
F,ing sad.
I think mass media, especially social media, is amplifying female pattern pathologies.
Yes, I agree.
I have never been a feminist, but I myself learned an important lesson in the last few years. My first husband, who is deceased, was raised by a lefty feminist. He deferred to me for everything. I paid the bills. I made the household decisions. If something needed fixed, or put together, or diagnosed, he looked to me. Either I would do it, or I was to talk him through it. There was always something wrong underneath that, but it was the way it was and we all get swept up in the tide of living. I am married again to a wonderful man. We rarely have tension. For a few years the only time we argued was when we undertook a project together. I assumed my role of steering or talking him through it. Our minds work differently. We would both get irritated and angry. And finally I realized, he doesn't need me there. He doesn't need me to help or watch or direct or do anything but shut up and go away and let him handle it. Women, even me, learned the wrong lessons about our roles in this life. It's destructive and has ruined society.
Yes 🙏🏻
Sounds like nagging.
That's another thing in the gender taboo bag.
Shit testing is in there. And gynocentism too.
Definitely comes across that way. You don't even realize you're doing it. It's awful.
Well, it got us to the top of the food chain.
But perhaps our incredible richness will dispense with the need. Especially if everyone has an A.I. safeguarding monitor that sounds an alarm when a wife domestic abuse nags her husband.
Politics and social issues weren't a hot button in my house growing up decades ago yet my mother was highly critical of my dad, younger brother and me. My younger brother took it and it hurt him. My dad didn't like it and drank after work. I, too analytical as a teen, questioned my mom. You can guess how that went over.
My dad didn't appreciate that in me. I got scolded by him for it.
When he passed after my brother and I were adults, mom didn't want anything to do with me my children or my brother and his children. As she aged, she let him into her life a little. Occasionally she'd talk with me on the phone. She could still be angry and punitive. She's gone now and I still don't get it, her extreme emotions when triggered.
She wasn't always like that but grew to be that way. I think she was unhappy being married and a mom.
I think that a generation that belonged to a Roosevelt cult, I would have joined too, think that anything other than democrat is the wrong tribe. She (90) was a democratic poll person and would only watch ‘“the news”. She was a wonderful person and everyday we(my wife her daughter) we talk about her stories. She was a feminist who never said those words but counted on the men in her life. Naturally. I like that that is how it is.
She had crazy TDS because that was all she saw.
TV addiction isn't much better than drug addiction.