This post is from an email sent to me by a viewer. I have republished it with his permission. The reason I asked him for permission to publish it here is because his experience with a Borderline mother is not the sort of thing most men will talk about. The psychosexual derangement, and the indirect incest, is common from Borderline mothers to their sons.
This young man has excellent insight and awareness. He may *feel* like he’s coming to it late, but he isn’t, and I envision amazing things ahead for him.
This is very powerful. And God, what is it with sadist parents and this sort of thing? I have a memory of my dad doing something very similar to what both the writer and Josh describe, a picture I won't put in any heads, but WTF. Is this some kind of known subset of sadism? Forcing children to deal with things that are parent-excrement-adjacent?
I wondered what our correspondent meant by the "wiping" remarks. I took it to mean that his mom would wipe her private parts (morning ablutions?) and then figure that, as long as she had a relatively clean wipe or towel in her hand, she might as well use it to do a quick wipe of the sink.
Errrrr, uhhhh, yeah, that’s not a thing—unless you are a psycho. There is no excuse for doing this. Physically it is unsanitary, psychologically it’s intrusive and just plain creepy.
I think maybe it might be an unthinking/unintelligent instinct of some individuals to mark their territory. My mother started doing all kinds of weird shit when I reached puberty. It made her very nervous.
It’s a strange thing - that envy that this man touched on I can relate to, but didn’t realize it until I read this. There is a real anger in how the world has seemed to turn to the (apparent) benefit of the worst kind of people - and worse yet they can’t appreciate what some of us long for. This world of empowered cluster B truly has touched so many of us; our families to varying degrees but even beyond. Your thesis is becoming clearer and clearer every day and some days- it’s difficult to not simply just be angry. Sometimes very.
This letter from this man filled me with an anger I can’t quite describe. It’s odd to say thank you - but, thank you for sharing his clarity and for yours. There is hope there...I think.
The Brazilians/Portuguese do come close - Saudade. It’s not fear - it’s a longing. It’s a beautiful word. Not really translatable but often mistranslated as nostalgia. I think this fits well. Maybe.
INSPIRATIONThe meaning of “Saudade” the most Portuguese word
10 January 2019 ● 4 minutes
“Saudade” is one of the most beautiful words in the entire world and it has no English equivalent. The meaning of this word is deeply connected with the Portuguese culture and soul. People from many countries are falling in love with this word, wishing they had a similar word in their language. Continue to read to find out the meaning of the word “saudade”:
What is “Saudade”?“Saudade” is a untranslatable Portuguese term that refers to the melancholic longing or yearning. A recurring theme in Portuguese and Brazilian literature, “saudade”refers to a sense of loneliness and incompleteness. The Portuguese scholar Aubrey Bell attempts to distill this complex concept in his 1912 book “In Portugal”:“Saudade is a vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist, for something other than the present. – Aubrey Bell
One of my teachers was trying to revive an old Anglo-Saxon term: speechripe. He pointed out that often what is called the unconscious is quite conscious, but we have not yet found a way to articulate it.
My mother passed many years ago, and I am now an old man. Though I cannot prove that my mother was borderline, and certainly her behavior was not as extreme as described in the article, she did have many of the characteristics.
One consequence of growing up with a borderline mother can be developing a strong capacity for self-pity.
Reading the article, I felt anger, fear, and sadness. And, I also felt relief because there but for the grace of God and the efforts of my friends and family go I.
Words can’t fully convey the anger I have at the incompetent, deranged and Clustered parents (including my dad) who are out there. I also can’t convey how in awe I am of those of us who’ve managed to make it to adulthood with at least part of our souls intact. I just want to cry.
I’ve never had the desire to parent, too afraid of passing on this horrible DNA. My brother wanted to marry and have kids, too damaged.
I think wanting marriage and family, but being too damaged to achieve, build, and sustain those relationships...is one of the very cruelest things in the world.
Josh: It's so sad to hear about you and this correspondent being raised by such hostile and unstable mothers. Being a mother to our son and our daughter has been the (undeserved) honor and privilege and blessing of my life. I'm far from a perfect parent but I didn't fuck it up. And if I had the chance, I would mother the shit out of you and every child who got abuse from their mothers and fathers, instead of the loving regard and care each one of us deserves.
Dear correspondent: I know it's hard to find good therapists but, having the mother that you did have as a role model for your future wife, there's got to be a lot for you to work on in order to be able to see the women you will meet, work with, befriend, and perhaps date with clear eyes.. Without revulsion, without worship, and with a reasonable understanding of human nature. Keep working on it with a therapist and/or good friends and/or the wisdom to be found in books; give prayer a chance too if you possibly can.
This isn't a personal slam on you, or an expectation I am implying that you should fulfill merely because you are a man. It goes for many of us. For instance, I had the problem of working through some issues with men as a group, due to some physical and sexual abuse in my background. I spent my twenties making dumb-ass choices re: dating and relationships, working out my Daddy issues and my fears of male violence. I then met my husband and his soul shines; he is a GOOD person, a dedicated husband and father. I spotted his goodness immediately and, instead of wasting my time on pretty boys who were not really on my own quirky wavelength, I made it a point to get to know him and found to my delight that he really appreciates and delights in me as much as I do in him.
I'm praying now, literally, that you will find your way through the jungle of deception and confusion that confronts you as you search for authenticity. You have to find your own stable center, and then recognize when you meet others who are stable, good people who can be your friends and maybe even your life-partner.
So many of us could sure use a good trauma therapist. We should create a list of such people cause goodness knows - easier said than done. (Ask me how I know? 😂)
I wonder if one factor is the sense of comfort people have when they have the scent of someone they like (either themselves or another) and the scent of a terrible parent becomes instinctually objectionable.
I have noticed my own father seemed to have some inability to update his memory about the state of an object (such as food spoiling) so I wonder if there is also some failure to realize the disgust that comes with a bar of soap recently used on someone else.
There is something there. A few gross reality shows come to mind: Hoarders and My Weird Obsession. The mentally and emotionally unstable do not notice or care about the filth and clutter around them. There is a fixation on personal smells and private bodily functions. These are not dealt with in a normal way, instead they become perversely ritualistic. Their daily lives then revolve around these strange behaviors.
I have noticed and wondered about the same thing! Why is it that in 99% of the cases, the TOILETS no longer work? It's really hard to break a toilet!! I could see if, after several years, your fridge stops working because they do break from time to time and hoarders aren't going to have them repaired. But all you have to do to keep a toilet functional is flush it when you are done, and not use bricks as toilet paper. I've only had to use a plunger a half dozen times in my whole life.
So then the hoarders poop in bags, but they don't put the bags out with the garbage. I've always wanted to see them ask the hoarders if they are TRYING to keep their poop, the same way that they won't discard an empty pickle jar because "someone might use it for storage one day."
Yeah, the poop bags are something else. I can understand some of the cases where the hoarder is mentally and/or physically decrepit and they simply cannot take care of themselves. Some live in a house in the same way one would live on the street. And then others display an almost vindictiveness as they carry out their filthy habits. I wish those shows did actual psychological work, instead they are nothing better than flimsy makeovers.
I do struggle with kinda hating a lot of the hoarders when they live with other people or expect to have other people take care of them without doing anything themselves to cooperate. At what point does the person suffering from the OCD of hoarding become morally responsible for crossing all boundaries of the other person’s rights? For instance, if you feel powerless to not hoard, you are still not entitled to the WHOLE HOUSE for your stash. You can have your own bedroom, the spare room, the garage. You can’t have the toilet or the fridge or the kitchen sink. You can’t have the steps.
I think that’s what I am sensing. If there weren’t underlying selfish personality disorders, wouldn’t there be a whole lot more people showing distress and guilt over putting other people in such horrific situations?
Yeah that’s what I meant by vindictivenesses- they hold their loved ones hostage. They smother them with filth and clutter. Whenever a family member tries to clean, they are met with crying, screaming and viciousness. I was only thinking of one or two helpless cases where a woman was very old and not all there and another where the two brothers were of very low intelligence. All the other episodes have hoarders that are beyond frustrating.
My comment is directed at the man who wrote you this email, in case he reads this thread. I cannot speak to personality B disorders or crazy mothers. I only have this extremely narrow bit of advice to offer. If meeting a non-insane woman and raising a family is your foremost priority, and you truly feel like there is almost no chance of it happening where you live, you might want to consider traveling to Asia to meet a woman.
I don't intend this as self-promotion in the slightest. I just want to share that I've lived in Asia for ~6 years and I'm familiar with the culture. There are many, many awesome women here who are more traditional and would welcome the role of wife/mother if you are financially capable of being the sole provider.
I guess this maybe sounds a bit creepy? I don't know. I'm only writing this comment because it sounded like becoming a father is one of your most important priorities and you're scared it will never happen. But that needn't be the case. If you want to talk to someone about any of this just let me know. Don't give up hope.
To quote Joshua: “Not all!” Depends on where in Asia and how Americanized they are. And they’re not immune to Cluster B. My friend’s Burmese wife is a nightmare. She beats him knowing he won’t hit back. I see what you mean though, but it’s as much of a risk as it is here.
Yes, I absolutely don't think it's all women in the west by any means. I just meant that if OP felt like in his particular case the odds of him ever meeting someone appropriate were near zero, then maybe he should try something else.
I'm not entirely sure that I would agree that "it's as much of a risk as it is here." I think it's probably less of a risk, given how people in Asia are raised. Just in general, I see more grounding in reality here than the lunacy working its way through the west.
Hi Dog (feels weird calling you that haha) -- Did your friend bring his Burmese wise back to the states? I only ask because I know a couple of men who found wives overseas -- one wasn’t even looking, but was there on business. Anyway, these two guys brought their brides home not too long after marriage. After a couple of kids stateside and a couple of years here, their formerly mild and loving women became so poisoned by American feminist culture, they became vitriolic nightmares!
He was already bemoaning his error when they lived in Burma. But I vividly recall the aggressive rude entitlement of the Korean women involved with servicemen when I lived there. My friend has since returned to the States. Now his wife has learned to call him a White Supremacist.
I don’t think it’s creepy advice, it’s practical. He should also look into the remaining traditional religious factions in the US. Latin Mass, for example, is booming with young families.
Thank you. I just read your article and did not find it creepy. In fact, I found it very informative.
I am an elder. As a counselor, and as a friend, I frequently hear horror stories about adult children, who never grew up. I also hear wonderful stories about adult children who have come to the aid of their elders.
Many of my fellow elders are racked with guilt about how their children turned out. While we all need to make amends for our mistakes, this guilt fails to acknowledge that the outcomes for our children are entirely our responsibility.
Thank you for sharing this with this man. I’ve stayed home as we raised seven kids and even though I earn “some” money now, it’s via working from home on a freelance basis. My husband and I talk often about the coarse attitudes of younger single women these days. While I’m sure there are some traditional, young single women still about here (I know a few), they are few and far between.
About the passport bros movement -- I think it’s a great idea for those who long for the traditional life with beautiful kids. We saw a video a couple of weeks ago (a Tik-Tok compilation on YouTube) from Paul Joseph Watson where all these younger single women were SO upset and gnashing their pointy feminist teeth at the thought of American men going over seas to find wives. These females pretended they were relieved the men were choosing that route, feigning a “good riddance” attitude, but it was easy to tell they were each seething with some kind of jealousy/rage combination. I can’t quite articulate what it was, but it wasn’t good.
Luckily, our two oldest sons (oldest 28) are recently engaged to incredible traditional young women, but there’s still two more to go (ages 22 and 19) and things don’t seem to be progressing much at ALL.
If one or both of them had to look overseas to find the traditional family woman he longs for, my husband and I will support it. Things look rough over here in the dating scene -- for both sexes, but far worse for traditionally minded men.
Again, thank you for sharing that possibility with him.
Ahhhh, wow, my heart breaks for this young man and all the other young men and women that have been so affected by the derangement in our society that seems to be more rewarded than sanity and sobriety. I pray for each of you. I don’t know each of your names, but God does. Truly, my heart breaks for you.
It used to be that when a person was looking for someone with good or similar values, there were places like church or a synagogue where one could meet someone. Well, that’s all screwed up now. Thanks, wokian ‘tards.
I know I am very lucky to have the family I have; 4 adult children and 9 grandchildren. We are close, loving, not always perfect, but normal, hardworking people. My grandchildren are aged 17-2, and because we are white, share very traditional values and are Christian, I’m pretty sure my grandchildren are going to be marginalized and will even be persecuted, unless things change dramatically. I’m just very glad we know Jesus and His word.
Yes, I feel that anger too. Rage, even. My husband and I struggled to have one baby. He’s the most beautiful and perfect little boy, I wonder if I was only meant to have him. I often think of what we went through to have him and how we’ve tried to give him a sibling and failed. Then I look around to see all of these abused and confused kids from feral parents. How is it so easy for them?
I have two brothers in their thirties who still haven’t found anyone. Dating is a dystopian wasteland. My brothers are wonderful people: hard workers, creative, sensitive, attractive, etc.. Women still turn their noses up because they have ridiculously high standards. They use woke politics to torment their dates. They desperately seek validation and direction from their peers and social media. And they’ve been brainwashed into thinking that they don’t want/need kids or they can have them whenever. I don’t know whether to call it voluntary suicide or genocide.
As to the cluster Bs getting partners and having kids: I think that’s another symptom of their parasitic behavior. They need other people so they throw themselves into their lives. Normal people exercise caution and take time to consider temperament, intellect, etc when getting involved with others. Perhaps cluster Bs have always thrived because they go through life like tornadoes. In the digital big tech era, they have taken control. Normal people feel intimidated and befuddled by the breakneck speed of the new social dynamics. You don’t really get to know anybody anymore. But that’s what has made it the perfect hunting ground for cluster Bs.
All I can think to say is I am so sorry that you guys went through this. Nothing can be done to make you stop remembering these things, but I hope that you keep finding yourself happier, or at least healthier, as much as possible.
Yep. Borderline moms do that to daughters sometimes, too. My mother did a lot of very inappropriate things with me, and I guess since it wasn’t *technically* touching me, she thought it was fine. It was not.
Women can be as gross, inappropriate, and invasive as men. I’m very glad that you’re confronting this fact and discussing it honestly.
There’s a book called, “I’m Glad My Mother Died”. I don’t know the author’s name, she is a former Disney teen star. Mother was a typical stage mom, but with some added perversions. She bathed her son and daughter until their late teens and gave them special “exams.” Yes, women can be very gross.
Ha, that’s exactly how I felt when my mother died. I was an only child, and I took care of both parents when they were dying. My feelings for my mother in particular are complex, but one thing that’s absolutely true is that I only felt free to be myself *after* my mom was gone. My therapist at the time even commented on it, unprompted. She just said “I’m very sorry you had to wait until your abuser died.”
On a very practical level, are you religious? The reason I ask is that the young people I know who find someone good to marry often find them in church or on Christian dating websites. Might be a bit out there but it is worth considering.
Also, many therapists now operate online as well as in person. If you find someone who specialises in recovery from narcissistic abuse they will likely be familiar with your situation.
Josh and writer of this piece. I can't begin to understand how grown people can/ could treat children this way. Sorry for you and all the children who have to deal with this. Here's hoping you can have all you need in this life to feel some sense of peace now.
This young man has excellent insight and awareness. He may *feel* like he’s coming to it late, but he isn’t, and I envision amazing things ahead for him.
This is very powerful. And God, what is it with sadist parents and this sort of thing? I have a memory of my dad doing something very similar to what both the writer and Josh describe, a picture I won't put in any heads, but WTF. Is this some kind of known subset of sadism? Forcing children to deal with things that are parent-excrement-adjacent?
I wondered what our correspondent meant by the "wiping" remarks. I took it to mean that his mom would wipe her private parts (morning ablutions?) and then figure that, as long as she had a relatively clean wipe or towel in her hand, she might as well use it to do a quick wipe of the sink.
Errrrr, uhhhh, yeah, that’s not a thing—unless you are a psycho. There is no excuse for doing this. Physically it is unsanitary, psychologically it’s intrusive and just plain creepy.
Yeah, I totally know it's not a thing to wipe your vulva and then use the same cloth for any other purpose. I was looking to clear up the details.
In a word, yes.
I think maybe it might be an unthinking/unintelligent instinct of some individuals to mark their territory. My mother started doing all kinds of weird shit when I reached puberty. It made her very nervous.
It’s a strange thing - that envy that this man touched on I can relate to, but didn’t realize it until I read this. There is a real anger in how the world has seemed to turn to the (apparent) benefit of the worst kind of people - and worse yet they can’t appreciate what some of us long for. This world of empowered cluster B truly has touched so many of us; our families to varying degrees but even beyond. Your thesis is becoming clearer and clearer every day and some days- it’s difficult to not simply just be angry. Sometimes very.
This letter from this man filled me with an anger I can’t quite describe. It’s odd to say thank you - but, thank you for sharing his clarity and for yours. There is hope there...I think.
So much of anger, I think, is sadness with no place to go.
...and fear, sometimes, too.
100%. We need another word for this kind of fear.
We might have to ask the Germans if we can borrow one.
The Brazilians/Portuguese do come close - Saudade. It’s not fear - it’s a longing. It’s a beautiful word. Not really translatable but often mistranslated as nostalgia. I think this fits well. Maybe.
https://amaliahomecollection.com/the-meaning-of-saudade-the-most-portuguese-word/
INSPIRATIONThe meaning of “Saudade” the most Portuguese word
10 January 2019 ● 4 minutes
“Saudade” is one of the most beautiful words in the entire world and it has no English equivalent. The meaning of this word is deeply connected with the Portuguese culture and soul. People from many countries are falling in love with this word, wishing they had a similar word in their language. Continue to read to find out the meaning of the word “saudade”:
What is “Saudade”?“Saudade” is a untranslatable Portuguese term that refers to the melancholic longing or yearning. A recurring theme in Portuguese and Brazilian literature, “saudade”refers to a sense of loneliness and incompleteness. The Portuguese scholar Aubrey Bell attempts to distill this complex concept in his 1912 book “In Portugal”:“Saudade is a vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist, for something other than the present. – Aubrey Bell
Indeed.
Please allow me to share this. I have to remind myself in times of such self pity (the gentleman who mentioned this tendency I think is right) to choose something else that is equally as true. I hope. https://open.substack.com/pub/ooana/p/never-hope-against-hope?r=reb8t&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post
One of my teachers was trying to revive an old Anglo-Saxon term: speechripe. He pointed out that often what is called the unconscious is quite conscious, but we have not yet found a way to articulate it.
My mother passed many years ago, and I am now an old man. Though I cannot prove that my mother was borderline, and certainly her behavior was not as extreme as described in the article, she did have many of the characteristics.
One consequence of growing up with a borderline mother can be developing a strong capacity for self-pity.
Reading the article, I felt anger, fear, and sadness. And, I also felt relief because there but for the grace of God and the efforts of my friends and family go I.
Words can’t fully convey the anger I have at the incompetent, deranged and Clustered parents (including my dad) who are out there. I also can’t convey how in awe I am of those of us who’ve managed to make it to adulthood with at least part of our souls intact. I just want to cry.
I’ve never had the desire to parent, too afraid of passing on this horrible DNA. My brother wanted to marry and have kids, too damaged.
I think wanting marriage and family, but being too damaged to achieve, build, and sustain those relationships...is one of the very cruelest things in the world.
Everyone has two chances at the parent/child relationship. If you ever do become a parent, it sounds to me like you’re equipped to be a good one.
Josh: It's so sad to hear about you and this correspondent being raised by such hostile and unstable mothers. Being a mother to our son and our daughter has been the (undeserved) honor and privilege and blessing of my life. I'm far from a perfect parent but I didn't fuck it up. And if I had the chance, I would mother the shit out of you and every child who got abuse from their mothers and fathers, instead of the loving regard and care each one of us deserves.
Dear correspondent: I know it's hard to find good therapists but, having the mother that you did have as a role model for your future wife, there's got to be a lot for you to work on in order to be able to see the women you will meet, work with, befriend, and perhaps date with clear eyes.. Without revulsion, without worship, and with a reasonable understanding of human nature. Keep working on it with a therapist and/or good friends and/or the wisdom to be found in books; give prayer a chance too if you possibly can.
This isn't a personal slam on you, or an expectation I am implying that you should fulfill merely because you are a man. It goes for many of us. For instance, I had the problem of working through some issues with men as a group, due to some physical and sexual abuse in my background. I spent my twenties making dumb-ass choices re: dating and relationships, working out my Daddy issues and my fears of male violence. I then met my husband and his soul shines; he is a GOOD person, a dedicated husband and father. I spotted his goodness immediately and, instead of wasting my time on pretty boys who were not really on my own quirky wavelength, I made it a point to get to know him and found to my delight that he really appreciates and delights in me as much as I do in him.
I'm praying now, literally, that you will find your way through the jungle of deception and confusion that confronts you as you search for authenticity. You have to find your own stable center, and then recognize when you meet others who are stable, good people who can be your friends and maybe even your life-partner.
So many of us could sure use a good trauma therapist. We should create a list of such people cause goodness knows - easier said than done. (Ask me how I know? 😂)
I wonder if one factor is the sense of comfort people have when they have the scent of someone they like (either themselves or another) and the scent of a terrible parent becomes instinctually objectionable.
I have noticed my own father seemed to have some inability to update his memory about the state of an object (such as food spoiling) so I wonder if there is also some failure to realize the disgust that comes with a bar of soap recently used on someone else.
There is something there. A few gross reality shows come to mind: Hoarders and My Weird Obsession. The mentally and emotionally unstable do not notice or care about the filth and clutter around them. There is a fixation on personal smells and private bodily functions. These are not dealt with in a normal way, instead they become perversely ritualistic. Their daily lives then revolve around these strange behaviors.
I have noticed and wondered about the same thing! Why is it that in 99% of the cases, the TOILETS no longer work? It's really hard to break a toilet!! I could see if, after several years, your fridge stops working because they do break from time to time and hoarders aren't going to have them repaired. But all you have to do to keep a toilet functional is flush it when you are done, and not use bricks as toilet paper. I've only had to use a plunger a half dozen times in my whole life.
So then the hoarders poop in bags, but they don't put the bags out with the garbage. I've always wanted to see them ask the hoarders if they are TRYING to keep their poop, the same way that they won't discard an empty pickle jar because "someone might use it for storage one day."
Yeah, the poop bags are something else. I can understand some of the cases where the hoarder is mentally and/or physically decrepit and they simply cannot take care of themselves. Some live in a house in the same way one would live on the street. And then others display an almost vindictiveness as they carry out their filthy habits. I wish those shows did actual psychological work, instead they are nothing better than flimsy makeovers.
I do struggle with kinda hating a lot of the hoarders when they live with other people or expect to have other people take care of them without doing anything themselves to cooperate. At what point does the person suffering from the OCD of hoarding become morally responsible for crossing all boundaries of the other person’s rights? For instance, if you feel powerless to not hoard, you are still not entitled to the WHOLE HOUSE for your stash. You can have your own bedroom, the spare room, the garage. You can’t have the toilet or the fridge or the kitchen sink. You can’t have the steps.
Yes, I am particularly incensed by those parents, almost always mothers, who raise their helpless kids in these environments.
More hoarding is Cluster B than you'd imagine. It's not all excusable down to OCD. I'm afraid that, no, it's not that sympathetic in many cases.
I think that’s what I am sensing. If there weren’t underlying selfish personality disorders, wouldn’t there be a whole lot more people showing distress and guilt over putting other people in such horrific situations?
Yeah that’s what I meant by vindictivenesses- they hold their loved ones hostage. They smother them with filth and clutter. Whenever a family member tries to clean, they are met with crying, screaming and viciousness. I was only thinking of one or two helpless cases where a woman was very old and not all there and another where the two brothers were of very low intelligence. All the other episodes have hoarders that are beyond frustrating.
Just so.
This is not OCD (I'm a diagnosed OCD haver).
This is a personality/character disorder.
Ask me how I know personally:) You don't need to ask, really, because you know how I know it:)
My comment is directed at the man who wrote you this email, in case he reads this thread. I cannot speak to personality B disorders or crazy mothers. I only have this extremely narrow bit of advice to offer. If meeting a non-insane woman and raising a family is your foremost priority, and you truly feel like there is almost no chance of it happening where you live, you might want to consider traveling to Asia to meet a woman.
I wrote an article about it.
https://theunhedgedcapitalist.substack.com/p/do-you-even-have-a-passport-bro
I don't intend this as self-promotion in the slightest. I just want to share that I've lived in Asia for ~6 years and I'm familiar with the culture. There are many, many awesome women here who are more traditional and would welcome the role of wife/mother if you are financially capable of being the sole provider.
I guess this maybe sounds a bit creepy? I don't know. I'm only writing this comment because it sounded like becoming a father is one of your most important priorities and you're scared it will never happen. But that needn't be the case. If you want to talk to someone about any of this just let me know. Don't give up hope.
To quote Joshua: “Not all!” Depends on where in Asia and how Americanized they are. And they’re not immune to Cluster B. My friend’s Burmese wife is a nightmare. She beats him knowing he won’t hit back. I see what you mean though, but it’s as much of a risk as it is here.
Yes, I absolutely don't think it's all women in the west by any means. I just meant that if OP felt like in his particular case the odds of him ever meeting someone appropriate were near zero, then maybe he should try something else.
I'm not entirely sure that I would agree that "it's as much of a risk as it is here." I think it's probably less of a risk, given how people in Asia are raised. Just in general, I see more grounding in reality here than the lunacy working its way through the west.
Hi Dog (feels weird calling you that haha) -- Did your friend bring his Burmese wise back to the states? I only ask because I know a couple of men who found wives overseas -- one wasn’t even looking, but was there on business. Anyway, these two guys brought their brides home not too long after marriage. After a couple of kids stateside and a couple of years here, their formerly mild and loving women became so poisoned by American feminist culture, they became vitriolic nightmares!
He was already bemoaning his error when they lived in Burma. But I vividly recall the aggressive rude entitlement of the Korean women involved with servicemen when I lived there. My friend has since returned to the States. Now his wife has learned to call him a White Supremacist.
Wow. Just wow.
I don’t think it’s creepy advice, it’s practical. He should also look into the remaining traditional religious factions in the US. Latin Mass, for example, is booming with young families.
Yes!!! That’s where I see the majority of traditional single young women!
Thank you. I just read your article and did not find it creepy. In fact, I found it very informative.
I am an elder. As a counselor, and as a friend, I frequently hear horror stories about adult children, who never grew up. I also hear wonderful stories about adult children who have come to the aid of their elders.
Many of my fellow elders are racked with guilt about how their children turned out. While we all need to make amends for our mistakes, this guilt fails to acknowledge that the outcomes for our children are entirely our responsibility.
Thank you for sharing this with this man. I’ve stayed home as we raised seven kids and even though I earn “some” money now, it’s via working from home on a freelance basis. My husband and I talk often about the coarse attitudes of younger single women these days. While I’m sure there are some traditional, young single women still about here (I know a few), they are few and far between.
About the passport bros movement -- I think it’s a great idea for those who long for the traditional life with beautiful kids. We saw a video a couple of weeks ago (a Tik-Tok compilation on YouTube) from Paul Joseph Watson where all these younger single women were SO upset and gnashing their pointy feminist teeth at the thought of American men going over seas to find wives. These females pretended they were relieved the men were choosing that route, feigning a “good riddance” attitude, but it was easy to tell they were each seething with some kind of jealousy/rage combination. I can’t quite articulate what it was, but it wasn’t good.
Luckily, our two oldest sons (oldest 28) are recently engaged to incredible traditional young women, but there’s still two more to go (ages 22 and 19) and things don’t seem to be progressing much at ALL.
If one or both of them had to look overseas to find the traditional family woman he longs for, my husband and I will support it. Things look rough over here in the dating scene -- for both sexes, but far worse for traditionally minded men.
Again, thank you for sharing that possibility with him.
What a deranged thing to do. Like some bizarre territorial marking/poop rag ritual.
This behavior alone is enough to damage a child.
Ahhhh, wow, my heart breaks for this young man and all the other young men and women that have been so affected by the derangement in our society that seems to be more rewarded than sanity and sobriety. I pray for each of you. I don’t know each of your names, but God does. Truly, my heart breaks for you.
It used to be that when a person was looking for someone with good or similar values, there were places like church or a synagogue where one could meet someone. Well, that’s all screwed up now. Thanks, wokian ‘tards.
I know I am very lucky to have the family I have; 4 adult children and 9 grandchildren. We are close, loving, not always perfect, but normal, hardworking people. My grandchildren are aged 17-2, and because we are white, share very traditional values and are Christian, I’m pretty sure my grandchildren are going to be marginalized and will even be persecuted, unless things change dramatically. I’m just very glad we know Jesus and His word.
I also believe the worst is yet to come for us 'non coloured' people.
“Other than white” aka “Open Season”
Yes, I feel that anger too. Rage, even. My husband and I struggled to have one baby. He’s the most beautiful and perfect little boy, I wonder if I was only meant to have him. I often think of what we went through to have him and how we’ve tried to give him a sibling and failed. Then I look around to see all of these abused and confused kids from feral parents. How is it so easy for them?
I have two brothers in their thirties who still haven’t found anyone. Dating is a dystopian wasteland. My brothers are wonderful people: hard workers, creative, sensitive, attractive, etc.. Women still turn their noses up because they have ridiculously high standards. They use woke politics to torment their dates. They desperately seek validation and direction from their peers and social media. And they’ve been brainwashed into thinking that they don’t want/need kids or they can have them whenever. I don’t know whether to call it voluntary suicide or genocide.
As to the cluster Bs getting partners and having kids: I think that’s another symptom of their parasitic behavior. They need other people so they throw themselves into their lives. Normal people exercise caution and take time to consider temperament, intellect, etc when getting involved with others. Perhaps cluster Bs have always thrived because they go through life like tornadoes. In the digital big tech era, they have taken control. Normal people feel intimidated and befuddled by the breakneck speed of the new social dynamics. You don’t really get to know anybody anymore. But that’s what has made it the perfect hunting ground for cluster Bs.
All I can think to say is I am so sorry that you guys went through this. Nothing can be done to make you stop remembering these things, but I hope that you keep finding yourself happier, or at least healthier, as much as possible.
Yep. Borderline moms do that to daughters sometimes, too. My mother did a lot of very inappropriate things with me, and I guess since it wasn’t *technically* touching me, she thought it was fine. It was not.
Women can be as gross, inappropriate, and invasive as men. I’m very glad that you’re confronting this fact and discussing it honestly.
There’s a book called, “I’m Glad My Mother Died”. I don’t know the author’s name, she is a former Disney teen star. Mother was a typical stage mom, but with some added perversions. She bathed her son and daughter until their late teens and gave them special “exams.” Yes, women can be very gross.
Ha, that’s exactly how I felt when my mother died. I was an only child, and I took care of both parents when they were dying. My feelings for my mother in particular are complex, but one thing that’s absolutely true is that I only felt free to be myself *after* my mom was gone. My therapist at the time even commented on it, unprompted. She just said “I’m very sorry you had to wait until your abuser died.”
Yep. I get that feeling.
To the OP,
On a very practical level, are you religious? The reason I ask is that the young people I know who find someone good to marry often find them in church or on Christian dating websites. Might be a bit out there but it is worth considering.
Also, many therapists now operate online as well as in person. If you find someone who specialises in recovery from narcissistic abuse they will likely be familiar with your situation.
Josh and writer of this piece. I can't begin to understand how grown people can/ could treat children this way. Sorry for you and all the children who have to deal with this. Here's hoping you can have all you need in this life to feel some sense of peace now.