Yesterday the fine people who support Disaffected and I were talking in the members-only Discord chat server. If you’d like access, become a paid subscriber to this Substack. There’s something I’d like to explain about my approach to doing a show. Disaffected is, in contemporary lingo, a “podcast.” Frankly, I don’t like this, because that’s not what the show really is.
This is beautiful and legit brave. I write (instead of talking) because I'm good at it, in control and well able to show off. You just listed all the reasons why those motivations still move me. You model courage in a way that's helpful and inspiring. Thank you. Love it. ❤️❤️❤️
I suffer from some of the same problems as you and for similar reasons. But I unfortunately lack the ability (or the cojones) to command audiences. This level of honesty and your audience command are why I give you money, Josh.
And that’s exactly why I watch you, and why I subscribed to your Substack. That honesty and willingness to be vulnerable and/or wrong 👍🏼 That puts you waaay ahead of, well, I have no data to back this up, but I’d say *most* people, especially those with any kind of influence.
Edit: I also joined because CPTSD. Boo for cluster B moms, Yay for drama classes and going NC!
Being open and vulnerable, especially in respect to our shortcomings, is a challenge for most of us, yet when we are able to tear away our facades to reveal our authentic selves we are often ever so much more likable and relatable. I really appreciate that about you.
I think you strike an excellent balance between artifice and honesty, dark and light, humour and upset. It's a great show, you two are doing a grand job.
Thank you, Josh, for your gift of articulating and giving form to the ¡Lightbulb! realizations for fellow refugees of Cluster B backgrounds. That need to perform is something I hadn't really thought about before. I mean, we all know about child actors, Munchausen by proxy, and now the children of "Our Ladies Of Trans", but I recognize a form of that in myself now. People pleasing and avoiding being a target of wrath are at the core of it. Combined with that is also rebellion and problems with authority, driving us to seek approval from people who present themselves as "getting" us. The lovebombing feels so good, and we can be led to believe we've found our tribe, only to wake up to realize we're just in another cult. Discernment is something we all need to be vigilant about. Rigorous honesty---including with ourselves--- takes courage. Sometimes, I find myself sliding thoughtlessly back into the well-worn rut of my former Wokethink, but I am catching it more quickly. Developing the deprogramming muscle. You have a wonderful skill. Yes, it was spawned from a coping mechanism from a dysfunctional childhood, but you have honed this craft into something amazing that is changing our attitudes from fear and bewilderment to orienting our abilities toward sanity and breaking the spell that has ensnared our entire culture.
This is so well said. It's dangerous to be wrong in an abusive family because we will be shamed and humiliated to such a level it feels like mortal danger. Similarly we can't be weak, needy, cry, or show fear. But this pretence at invincibility paradoxically makes for fragile adults. So we must learn how to do and be all the scary things as adults, plus be able to forgive ourselves and, more importantly, not take ourselves too seriously; learn how to laugh at ourselves.
This essay, Josh, is so valuable for everyone from a messed up family going out into the world with acknowledged character flaws, to help them understand they don't have to go on pretending, that they can be messed up in some ways and still be happy, still have a good life, still be really good people and still be loveable. Who wants to be around perfect people anyway? They're no fun at all and they know almost nothing about life!
This is beautiful and legit brave. I write (instead of talking) because I'm good at it, in control and well able to show off. You just listed all the reasons why those motivations still move me. You model courage in a way that's helpful and inspiring. Thank you. Love it. ❤️❤️❤️
Wow. Thanks Josh. ❤️
Thank-you for this moving & thoughtful piece, Josh.
I suffer from some of the same problems as you and for similar reasons. But I unfortunately lack the ability (or the cojones) to command audiences. This level of honesty and your audience command are why I give you money, Josh.
I could write an essay in response to this, but I've decided one sentence shall do.
Thank you for saving my life, Josh.
And that’s exactly why I watch you, and why I subscribed to your Substack. That honesty and willingness to be vulnerable and/or wrong 👍🏼 That puts you waaay ahead of, well, I have no data to back this up, but I’d say *most* people, especially those with any kind of influence.
Edit: I also joined because CPTSD. Boo for cluster B moms, Yay for drama classes and going NC!
Unflinching honesty about one’s self. It’s only gets better from here, dear Josh.
Being open and vulnerable, especially in respect to our shortcomings, is a challenge for most of us, yet when we are able to tear away our facades to reveal our authentic selves we are often ever so much more likable and relatable. I really appreciate that about you.
I think you strike an excellent balance between artifice and honesty, dark and light, humour and upset. It's a great show, you two are doing a grand job.
Josh, I am honored to walk through it with you❣️
Very powerful words, Josh. I’ve learned so much from you. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.
Thank you, Josh, for your gift of articulating and giving form to the ¡Lightbulb! realizations for fellow refugees of Cluster B backgrounds. That need to perform is something I hadn't really thought about before. I mean, we all know about child actors, Munchausen by proxy, and now the children of "Our Ladies Of Trans", but I recognize a form of that in myself now. People pleasing and avoiding being a target of wrath are at the core of it. Combined with that is also rebellion and problems with authority, driving us to seek approval from people who present themselves as "getting" us. The lovebombing feels so good, and we can be led to believe we've found our tribe, only to wake up to realize we're just in another cult. Discernment is something we all need to be vigilant about. Rigorous honesty---including with ourselves--- takes courage. Sometimes, I find myself sliding thoughtlessly back into the well-worn rut of my former Wokethink, but I am catching it more quickly. Developing the deprogramming muscle. You have a wonderful skill. Yes, it was spawned from a coping mechanism from a dysfunctional childhood, but you have honed this craft into something amazing that is changing our attitudes from fear and bewilderment to orienting our abilities toward sanity and breaking the spell that has ensnared our entire culture.
This is so well said. It's dangerous to be wrong in an abusive family because we will be shamed and humiliated to such a level it feels like mortal danger. Similarly we can't be weak, needy, cry, or show fear. But this pretence at invincibility paradoxically makes for fragile adults. So we must learn how to do and be all the scary things as adults, plus be able to forgive ourselves and, more importantly, not take ourselves too seriously; learn how to laugh at ourselves.
This essay, Josh, is so valuable for everyone from a messed up family going out into the world with acknowledged character flaws, to help them understand they don't have to go on pretending, that they can be messed up in some ways and still be happy, still have a good life, still be really good people and still be loveable. Who wants to be around perfect people anyway? They're no fun at all and they know almost nothing about life!