Gay men who claim they're on "Team TERF": You will be until they turn on you, too. And they will. They hate men. They hate men qua men.Disaffected Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
This is true. A large contingent of Twitter TERFs came to my rescue when the Twitter transmafia came after me. I needed and appreciated their support. But I did not--could not--join forces with them, and when they asked me why, I told them. I don't hate men. I had long private conversations with a couple of them, who insisted they didn't hate men, but they did. This was proven anytime I insisted that my mother was equally responsible for my childhood abuse as my father. I don't have to tell *you* what they said. The script was, and is, predictable.
I don’t discount what you and Holly Math Nerd say, I’ve just learned to stay off social media and express my opinions in safe company. There’s a lot of gaseous, unhappy people out there who have too much time on their hands and too much hate in their hearts, finagling ways to feel superior.
I'm team TERF and I don't hate men at all, it's very common. In the UK, ground zero for Terfdom, feminists and gay men have been arm in arm for a long time, with minimal friction.
But it's more that the TRA agenda has gone so far now that a lot of different groups are coming out against it. Groups that don't have anything in common except an agreement that the sky is blue. So you'll get lefty feminists clashing with righty social conservatives - why wouldn't you? But the sky is still blue.
I am waiting/hoping for gay men, though, to jettison the T from LGB. My ex-husband, whose cross-sex ideation I write about in my memoir, In the Curated Woods, True Tales of a Grass Widow, is a "transitioned" individual I view now as a gay man, abused by his father, and yes, that early childhood physical abuse (belt-beatings and emotional cruelty) was allowed by his mother. His father was oddly happy to hear he's "a woman in a man's body" back then (1995) and went willingly, I'm given to understand, to 8 hours of "therapy" with Dr. Christine Wheeler the 'sexologist' who diagnosed Neddy in "one appointment." This revelation to his parents suddenly exonerated them from what they knew they'd done in their early 20s as first-time parents. They knew the beatings would never be brought out, into the light of day. Much later, even at our grown son's wedding, Neddy treated his mother with disdain, though she was a big affirmer. I was "nice" to her for the occasion, my mother smiles down at me from heaven about that.
Gay men have been painted into a corner and I knew a really great gay couple who seemed really well-suited for each other, whose relationship blew up when David (The other's name was Mark--such common names and so long ago, doesn't matter) decided "he's a woman." David too, had a history of childhood abuse, an angry father and a mother who didn't protect her children. This was rural Wisconsin, 1970s, I don't know what this mother needed for support. David did have a nearly successful suicide attempt, but Mark found him and got him to the ER in time.
I've lost track of them. They'd be about 70 now. I hope David didn't go to the surgical practitioners. Mark really loved him. Little did they know what I'd go through 15 years after I knew them, identifying in many ways with Mark. I was supposed to later "become a lesbian" to save my marriage, and Mark told me he felt he was expected to "go straight" to stay with David. There was a lot of cocaine involved in the scene I knew them from, the first wine bar in Milwaukee, Wisc. I was a waitress there and almost wiped up a line of expensive white powder off the table a bunch of the day staff were at one evening. (that's how clued in I was to the scene, straight arrow that I was)
I always go on too long here. Do you think, Josh, that some of us gals are angry because for so long, gay guys defended the men who thought they were women? Didn't you all know to tell those guys that the straight guys are generally not going to fall for that? Just asking.
Ute Heggen links to new studies, the Tavistock closing reports and etc at
Ah, Josh! You could finish sentences for me. Radical feminism is, in my opinion, Wokegenesis™, the first instance of an activated cultural Marxist philosophy. If Marxism is "abolition of property", then RF is "abolition of patriarchy". And there's no such thing as patriarchy.
I had a close female friend, and we bonded even more when we realized both of us hated wokeness. But, sadly, I came to realize that she'd never, ever abandon feminism, and that her "feminism" was just sublimated anger towards her father (Yikes! Scary! And I won't say "daddy issues", but… daddy issues). At the end of the day, she couldn't let go. Victimhood was just too important to her core identity – angry, bitter, and contemptuous of men, including yours truly.
You will be until they turn on you, too. And they will."
This opener was hella confusing when my hormonally-imbalanced brain flipped the 15th+16th words around so the sentiment took on a whole other meaning, lol.
Agreed Josh and Holly - I’m married and have a son.....I have a hard time linking arms with a group of women who hate men. It’s such a fundamental moral and logical blind spot to wholesale condemn men while turning a blind eye to the fact that women are just as capable of being despicable humans (sadly, maybe even more so at this particular moment in time). The fact that we agree in this one specific arena doesn’t cancel out how wrong your basic belief set is. I’ve always believed you learn a lot about any group by what they do with power when finally it is handed over to them, and I’ve been exceedingly disappointed in what we’ve done with what could have been a beautiful moment for the blending of emotion and rationality. Instead, we became the hysterics we were always accused of being - in every direction from the TERF movement, to those who pushed the radical trans ideology. Some of us girls are left standing in the middle wondering what the hell just happened.
This is true. A large contingent of Twitter TERFs came to my rescue when the Twitter transmafia came after me. I needed and appreciated their support. But I did not--could not--join forces with them, and when they asked me why, I told them. I don't hate men. I had long private conversations with a couple of them, who insisted they didn't hate men, but they did. This was proven anytime I insisted that my mother was equally responsible for my childhood abuse as my father. I don't have to tell *you* what they said. The script was, and is, predictable.
I don’t discount what you and Holly Math Nerd say, I’ve just learned to stay off social media and express my opinions in safe company. There’s a lot of gaseous, unhappy people out there who have too much time on their hands and too much hate in their hearts, finagling ways to feel superior.
Dunno about this one Josh.
I'm team TERF and I don't hate men at all, it's very common. In the UK, ground zero for Terfdom, feminists and gay men have been arm in arm for a long time, with minimal friction.
But it's more that the TRA agenda has gone so far now that a lot of different groups are coming out against it. Groups that don't have anything in common except an agreement that the sky is blue. So you'll get lefty feminists clashing with righty social conservatives - why wouldn't you? But the sky is still blue.
Don't paint with too broad a brush!
I am waiting/hoping for gay men, though, to jettison the T from LGB. My ex-husband, whose cross-sex ideation I write about in my memoir, In the Curated Woods, True Tales of a Grass Widow, is a "transitioned" individual I view now as a gay man, abused by his father, and yes, that early childhood physical abuse (belt-beatings and emotional cruelty) was allowed by his mother. His father was oddly happy to hear he's "a woman in a man's body" back then (1995) and went willingly, I'm given to understand, to 8 hours of "therapy" with Dr. Christine Wheeler the 'sexologist' who diagnosed Neddy in "one appointment." This revelation to his parents suddenly exonerated them from what they knew they'd done in their early 20s as first-time parents. They knew the beatings would never be brought out, into the light of day. Much later, even at our grown son's wedding, Neddy treated his mother with disdain, though she was a big affirmer. I was "nice" to her for the occasion, my mother smiles down at me from heaven about that.
Gay men have been painted into a corner and I knew a really great gay couple who seemed really well-suited for each other, whose relationship blew up when David (The other's name was Mark--such common names and so long ago, doesn't matter) decided "he's a woman." David too, had a history of childhood abuse, an angry father and a mother who didn't protect her children. This was rural Wisconsin, 1970s, I don't know what this mother needed for support. David did have a nearly successful suicide attempt, but Mark found him and got him to the ER in time.
I've lost track of them. They'd be about 70 now. I hope David didn't go to the surgical practitioners. Mark really loved him. Little did they know what I'd go through 15 years after I knew them, identifying in many ways with Mark. I was supposed to later "become a lesbian" to save my marriage, and Mark told me he felt he was expected to "go straight" to stay with David. There was a lot of cocaine involved in the scene I knew them from, the first wine bar in Milwaukee, Wisc. I was a waitress there and almost wiped up a line of expensive white powder off the table a bunch of the day staff were at one evening. (that's how clued in I was to the scene, straight arrow that I was)
I always go on too long here. Do you think, Josh, that some of us gals are angry because for so long, gay guys defended the men who thought they were women? Didn't you all know to tell those guys that the straight guys are generally not going to fall for that? Just asking.
Ute Heggen links to new studies, the Tavistock closing reports and etc at
uteheggengrasswidow.wordpress.com
Ah, Josh! You could finish sentences for me. Radical feminism is, in my opinion, Wokegenesis™, the first instance of an activated cultural Marxist philosophy. If Marxism is "abolition of property", then RF is "abolition of patriarchy". And there's no such thing as patriarchy.
I had a close female friend, and we bonded even more when we realized both of us hated wokeness. But, sadly, I came to realize that she'd never, ever abandon feminism, and that her "feminism" was just sublimated anger towards her father (Yikes! Scary! And I won't say "daddy issues", but… daddy issues). At the end of the day, she couldn't let go. Victimhood was just too important to her core identity – angry, bitter, and contemptuous of men, including yours truly.
Very sad.
I've already explained myself clearly.
"Gay men who claim they're on "Team TERF":
You will be until they turn on you, too. And they will."
This opener was hella confusing when my hormonally-imbalanced brain flipped the 15th+16th words around so the sentiment took on a whole other meaning, lol.
Agreed Josh and Holly - I’m married and have a son.....I have a hard time linking arms with a group of women who hate men. It’s such a fundamental moral and logical blind spot to wholesale condemn men while turning a blind eye to the fact that women are just as capable of being despicable humans (sadly, maybe even more so at this particular moment in time). The fact that we agree in this one specific arena doesn’t cancel out how wrong your basic belief set is. I’ve always believed you learn a lot about any group by what they do with power when finally it is handed over to them, and I’ve been exceedingly disappointed in what we’ve done with what could have been a beautiful moment for the blending of emotion and rationality. Instead, we became the hysterics we were always accused of being - in every direction from the TERF movement, to those who pushed the radical trans ideology. Some of us girls are left standing in the middle wondering what the hell just happened.