Write like you're talking to an air traffic controller
Texting and instant messages don't have to be this hard
Instant text communication has brought a lot of convenience.
But this piece is about the problems of instant text, not the benefits.
And it proposes a solution.
First, it’s necessary to acknowledge problems. So we’ll start there.
1. Texting is so casual that we have “forgotten” how to communicate in a way that is mutually intelligible.
2. Texting is done “on the go” and “on the fly” a lot. Our minds are in different places, doing more than one task, when we text.
3. The result: People are forgetting the most basic things. Context. First references. Reminders of the subject matter.
A long text chain between two people has multiple topic areas and subjects. But almost all of us forget that we’re communicating with a different person from us. He cannot read our minds.
But we act like he can. We’ll just refer back to a topic in the chain five topics ago with no signpost, leaving the recipient confused. Are you referring to the pumpkin pie recipe, or are you making a vulgar joke about Ken who works in the stock room?
Friends, this drives me up the wall. And you know what? I don’t think you like it either. I am willing to bet that when it’s happening to you (instead of when you’re the one forgetting to give context), it feels like a tedious waste of time to you, too.
So let’s do something about it!
My way of dealing with it is below. I think I detect from some correspondents that they find it tedious. To them I say, “I am sorry about that. But I find your lack of clarity difficult, and I only do this to try to gently prompt you to be clearer.”
Gentle prompts are not enough. This explicit written piece is necessary; people do not, against my hopes, pick up on what I’m trying to do.
My hope is that those I communicate with will understand why and see the benefit. Perhaps if they do, we can all refresh our basic communication skills.
Give first references—You and your interlocutor do not have ESP. So stop texting as if your interlocutor reads your mind. Remember that you have to hell him who you’re referring to. Remember that you have to remind when you change a subject, or refer to a new person.
Made-up but typical example from the middle of a long text chain:
”Yeah she said she was gonna meet us there. It’s all set.”: WRONG
”Yeah, Jane said she’s still on for the brunch at will meet us at Mimi’s”: RIGHTRefer back specifically when you change topics—Again: No one has ESP. Get outside of your own mind and remember that you are communicating with a different mind.
Made-up but typical example from a long text chain that refers to several different product shipments on different days for different purposes:
“Can you check to see if it came?”: WRONG
”Can you check to see if UPS left a slip for the carpet we’re having delivered?”: RIGHTRespond like an airline pilot—Repeat back what you believe you read, but do it in your own words from scratch. This is an old technique that’s been used since forever, but we have forgotten this. I’m beginning to believe no one’s parents or teachers ever did this with them from the stymied responses I’m getting.
It’s extremely simple. And it’s not “too much” to ask of anyone.
When a commercial jet is communicating with an air traffic control tower, the pilot has to take instructions and directions from the tower. Because lives are on the line, this communication must be crystal clear. There is no room for error.
So, the pilot repeats back to the tower controller what he believes the tower controller said. Why? Because if the pilot misheard, the controller immediately corrects him. This can save a plane from landing on a blocked runway, or any number of calamities we can imagine.
Here’s an example I just participated in. I was texting with a company for whom I do some paid work. The subject matter was the invoicing schedule. My questions had to do with which time periods I should include in invoices, and which ones should be held for future invoices.
This is what that conversation looked like by text:
Company: Send your invoices on the 15th for all the work up until then, and then repeat that every month.
Josh: OK. So I will invoice you on the 15th, and I will include in that all work performed in January and through February 15th.
Company: No, correction. Do not include work in February. Only include the work in January. The pay schedule is one month behind.
This worked exactly as it should have. It saved the company the time to have to email me and ask for a new invoice. It saved them and me time, and it saved me a delay in pay, along with emails no one wants to have to bother with.
In summary:Use first references. Never start out cold with “he said” until you’ve told your partner who “he” is.
Be clear and specific that you are changing subject matter. Remember that text chains have multiple topics. You have to do the work of giving linguistic sign posts. You used to do this when you wrote in media other than texting. You can do it again.
Repeat back in your own words what you think you understood. If you made a mistake, you’ll get a quick correction and everyone will be happier.
I can't thank you enough for writing about this personal peeve of mine. One of my co-workers with whom I must communicate numerous times a day via text constantly leaves out context and references to whatever subject is being addressed. Often times a number of different subjects are part of the thread with lengthy delays between answers and responses. I don't know how many times I've responded in exasperation, "I am NOT a mind reader"! Such a time waster to have to exchange 3 or more texts to clarify what is being said, when one back and forth text, if communicated properly, is all that would have been needed.
Oh, and I just love it when I get a photo with no description and have to play 20 questions to get a clear answer. More than once I've considered this person may be passive-aggressive since it happens so often.🤦♀️
JAYSUS. YES, To this! I have become increasingly angry at the assumption that I am a mind reader. Or perhaps that I should be devoting all of my brain space to someone else’s stuff. I need context and reference points to provide my full attention and grasp to whatever topic is before me. I feel increasingly like it’s a game of gotcha. The feeling I am left with if I ask for clarification is that I am the bad person who is not paying attention . It’s a weird form of one upping.