How not to talk to men
This is a version of something I posted on X/Twitter.
I offer this genuinely, in good faith, for those who want to persuade.
Many men—I am one of them—are more reactive to being scolded, monitored, and told what to do, than they are to the content of what it is you want them to be mad about.
If you talk to these men as if they were your children, as if you were their mother or father, they will say "fuck you" and refuse to consider anything you say.
That's me, and it's not rare. It's a common disposition for men, at least it used to be until we were all feminized.
You make enemies of these men when you bring your maternal-girlboss-i'm-so-disappointed-in-you/that's not a good look approach to them.
The first time someone does this to me, I immediately stop and push back. If they continue, that person becomes my adversary. They will be ejected from whatever portion of my digital life they occupy. There won’t be any reconsideration, or second chances, or “understanding.” Once a person has demonstrated that he or she is disposed to using these feminine manipulation tactics, I don’t respect that person and do not want to be around them.
I will not tolerate it. It will never work. For men like me, the person trying this will become the enemy. Do not give orders. Do not scold. Do not "monitor,” do not imply mental illness (“you seem to have some issues”) unless what you want is a fight.
I know that I have a reputation for being particularly blunt and aggressive. To some degree, that is true. But I am not as “aggressive” as many people think; most men have been cowed into artificial meekness in such a way that normal, ordinary male reactions are seen with hysteria and hyperbole. Men used to be much more direct; I’m not doing anything new.
There are lots of places where disagreements will happen between people. We’ll disagree about policy, strategy, tone, and more. That’s normal, and it’s not a dealbreaker. What is a dealbreaker for men like me is this covert narcissistic mommyish scolding approach.
If you genuinely (genuinely—be honest about your intentions) want to persuade men like me, you will need to use direct approaches, not wheedling and social manipulation.
There's a kind of 'HR professional' tone that I see online and increasingly in the real world. It pretends to expertise (even omniscience) and presumes that it's the definition of decency and moral rightness, and so it addresses others (especially men) with a scolding, moralistic tone. It uses vague language and relies upon cultural buzzwords and already discredited concepts. It's not amenable to debate. It HATES to debate, preferring instead to use social pressure and emotional manipulation to get the people around to conform to its wishes.
How remarkable that people with this approach and communication style have been given absolute power to determine the recruitment, hiring, and selection of every large organization in the United States. The aversion to debate is especially frustrating.
https://jmpolemic.substack.com/p/feminism-as-entitlement-pt-4
This puts me in mind of a rare piece of wisdom my Da used to say to my brothers and I: "I'd rather be punched in the jaw and called a prick than have someone try to talk me into surrender with honeyed words."