Your words ring very true to my own experiences Josh. I don´t like sharing personal anecdotes online, not even anonymously, but thankyou for writing. One thing I wish I´d been envouraged / pushed as a child to continue with judo classes. I remember age 8 during a throw or somesuch my fingernail getting caught in the opponents clothing and being ripped out blood everywhere very painful.
I stopped going after that.
I think every boy should learn and practice a few basic fighting moves and ideally take up a martial art.
My boomer parents were peacenik lefties changing the world one boring smoke filled meeting at a time...
Late husband wasn't gay but was a nerd/dork in high school. Studied a judo book. When he was cornered by a group of boys in the rest room, by chance and luck he managed to use one of the "moves" on leader of pack knocking him to the ground and banging his head. "Judo" they cried as they ran away. No one bothered him again. Case in point.
‘ Every normal, masculine man or boy I met I feared. I believed men were born innately evil and abusive (think how that affects a boy child's view of himself)’
My gay son’s experience, also with a cluster B PD ‘mother’. Thanks for sharing, sorry for your struggle, thanks for your courage in advocating for truth.
Another excellent piece Josh. Occasionally someone will ask me why I’ve been successful with dating men. The answer is simple: unlike a lot of women these days, I like men. Actually like them. The way that men and boys have been treated in recent years is absurd. They are being taught not to be men. It’s pathetic to watch white millennial men be confused and afraid around women. That’s what happens when they are terrorized from an early age for just being boys and men. Will the next generation figure out how to continue the species ? No idea.
I find it so hard to understand why otherwise smart, thoughtful people cannot understand that treating masculinity as inherently toxic is essentially the same concept of predestination- that God picks and chooses who goes to heaven or hell and there is nothing the individual can do about. I don’t know what it is about certain psyches that gravitate to those beliefs and cling to them at the expense of relationships, more robust and generous worldviews, etc. It was that hatred of that predestination worldview that kept me from spiraling off into outright hatred of guys when I was in my late teens and early twenties. It was always in the back of my mind, "You don't REALLY believe that God would make a whole half of humanity born bad or less. Everyone sins but you KNOW deep down guys are not born extra broken." I didn't want that Satanic theology infecting other parts of my mind so that was the motivating force to fight against a lot of the evidence I had at the time that guys as a whole were bad. I don't understand why other thinking people don't recognize it and fight it. It's definitely not a fun fight but it's worth it.
I know you no longer believe or need reassurance that male/masculinity does not equal bad . But if it helps at all (you or anyone else reading these comments) there are people who did and do recognize how insidious that thinking is (even at young ages) and try hard to rid themselves of it.
You do a good job sticking up for men, boys, and masculinity. There are probably a lot more people than you realize who are really grateful for that.
I think it's important to note that not all gay men are feminized although many exhibit histrionic behavior. The guy that frets endlessly on how he will look to others in a skimpy speedo on Fire Island. A lot of this is "baked into" gay culture. Hopefully, but not always, as we age we should grow out of it. Josh you certainly did. And your friend George.
The feminization of men has taken over straight male culture. In addition you see more histrionic type behavior. This is not good. These are men that will get married and raise children. A child being raised by two feminized, histrionic adults will not fare very well.
A 50 year old gay men still exhibiting 20 year old behavior is considered a sad old troll. A 50 year old straight man exhibiting 20 year old behavior will probably have a failed marriage, or at least a very bad marriage, but will have destroyed their offspring. Of course more gay men are adopting/surrogating children so that's something new to consider.
The good news is that the current crop of young men appear to be rejecting woke culture. The man bun, BLM tee shirt, toothpick arm "Todd" or the morbidly obese, ring nose, unbathed, masked "Seth" are fading into the dustbin of really bad social experiments.
Help me understand something, Josh. It’s the mind kind of thing.
You speak of your growing up and abuse. The conditioning of you by your mom resulting in a more feminine personality (?). You mention being afraid of any “manly man”, and I understand that. I’ve followed you and I know who your best friend is, a female. So the mind set is there and understood. But, and this is to me a little strange in how the mind works, your sexual attraction is towards men. I find that a little ironic given the history of fear of men. Does it mean you’ve overcome the fear ? Does it mean a rebellion of some kind ? Is this part of the unknown and would include how all this transitioning stuff is being foisted on kids, although 2 entirely different situations?
So, asking you as a counsellor, where does that come from and why? How does the mind work regarding this ? I’m sure there are books and if not, you could probably write one.
History has its share of badass homosexuals. Some of the bravest voices for sanity in the face of the modern maelstrom are masculine gay men, willing to stand up and embody the masculine virtues.
Being a simpering sissy isn’t even good for women. Why would we encourage it for any of our children?
When I was growing up and becoming attracted to men, I veered towards those who were very masculine. The sissy boys were not at all attractive. They actively repelled me. I couldn't understand any woman who would want such sissy "men" in their life. But I learned that birth control pills make women want less masculine men, so now that starts to make some sense.
But I was pissed that so many boys were just becoming more docile, lessening how many men in the world I could/would be attracted to. This has been a problem my whole life.
I'm happy that there are good strong men out there. I know them, they're married. They're the kind of people who don't spend time online because they do hard work and live fulfilling lives with their families. We have to remember the ones online are those without fulfilling lives in the "real-world."
"All straight men hated sissies like me, I thought, and would kill me if they could."
Well, some of them probably would, I'm afraid. Others would merely rough you up. Stuff you into a locker. Sneer and spit. Maybe they already did.
What is it about effeminate men that provokes such strong reactions? A girl wrassling her brothers in the mud, catching frogs, and climbing trees results in mom shaking her head and fussing that she's not lady-like. Most of those girls end up being hetero women after puberty who still enjoy doing sports and stuff but also can handle being feminine.
I see those pom-pom boys on the Vikings squad and I don't like them at all. Dylan Mulvaney camping it up before his "X days as a girl" bit made me want to smack him.
Just... stop it. You don't have to be a lumberjack [Monty Python lumberjacks notwithstanding], but could you dial back the schtick a bit? Most WOMEN aren't that histrionic.
Ok, so you have a boy child, and as he grows up you observe that he likes mermaids and sparkly things and plays dress-up and doesn't like trucks at all. Mother Jennings decided her boy was a girl, because she and her husband couldn't stand to have an effeminate boy. That's obviously the wrong path.
So what do you do instead? You don't smack him around or humiliate him, and yet you can see that if he doesn't "man up" to a degree, he'll be in for a world of hurt.
I am a 56 year old gay man. Took gymnastics lessons as a child. At various times in my adult life I have taken jazz, ballet, tap, and hip hop dance classes. I fully support every boy who wants to dance but I’m over the celebration of the sissification of males. This sort of prancing about has no place in football.
You have both extraordinary courage and extraordinary insight. Examining oneself with “dedication to reality at all costs” (Scott Peck) is unusually rare, but it results in exceptional understanding and awareness. Combined with real courage, it generates a desperately needed conversation for society—if that society will engage honestly.
Your words ring very true to my own experiences Josh. I don´t like sharing personal anecdotes online, not even anonymously, but thankyou for writing. One thing I wish I´d been envouraged / pushed as a child to continue with judo classes. I remember age 8 during a throw or somesuch my fingernail getting caught in the opponents clothing and being ripped out blood everywhere very painful.
I stopped going after that.
I think every boy should learn and practice a few basic fighting moves and ideally take up a martial art.
My boomer parents were peacenik lefties changing the world one boring smoke filled meeting at a time...
Late husband wasn't gay but was a nerd/dork in high school. Studied a judo book. When he was cornered by a group of boys in the rest room, by chance and luck he managed to use one of the "moves" on leader of pack knocking him to the ground and banging his head. "Judo" they cried as they ran away. No one bothered him again. Case in point.
‘ Every normal, masculine man or boy I met I feared. I believed men were born innately evil and abusive (think how that affects a boy child's view of himself)’
My gay son’s experience, also with a cluster B PD ‘mother’. Thanks for sharing, sorry for your struggle, thanks for your courage in advocating for truth.
Another excellent piece Josh. Occasionally someone will ask me why I’ve been successful with dating men. The answer is simple: unlike a lot of women these days, I like men. Actually like them. The way that men and boys have been treated in recent years is absurd. They are being taught not to be men. It’s pathetic to watch white millennial men be confused and afraid around women. That’s what happens when they are terrorized from an early age for just being boys and men. Will the next generation figure out how to continue the species ? No idea.
I find it so hard to understand why otherwise smart, thoughtful people cannot understand that treating masculinity as inherently toxic is essentially the same concept of predestination- that God picks and chooses who goes to heaven or hell and there is nothing the individual can do about. I don’t know what it is about certain psyches that gravitate to those beliefs and cling to them at the expense of relationships, more robust and generous worldviews, etc. It was that hatred of that predestination worldview that kept me from spiraling off into outright hatred of guys when I was in my late teens and early twenties. It was always in the back of my mind, "You don't REALLY believe that God would make a whole half of humanity born bad or less. Everyone sins but you KNOW deep down guys are not born extra broken." I didn't want that Satanic theology infecting other parts of my mind so that was the motivating force to fight against a lot of the evidence I had at the time that guys as a whole were bad. I don't understand why other thinking people don't recognize it and fight it. It's definitely not a fun fight but it's worth it.
I know you no longer believe or need reassurance that male/masculinity does not equal bad . But if it helps at all (you or anyone else reading these comments) there are people who did and do recognize how insidious that thinking is (even at young ages) and try hard to rid themselves of it.
You do a good job sticking up for men, boys, and masculinity. There are probably a lot more people than you realize who are really grateful for that.
I think it's important to note that not all gay men are feminized although many exhibit histrionic behavior. The guy that frets endlessly on how he will look to others in a skimpy speedo on Fire Island. A lot of this is "baked into" gay culture. Hopefully, but not always, as we age we should grow out of it. Josh you certainly did. And your friend George.
The feminization of men has taken over straight male culture. In addition you see more histrionic type behavior. This is not good. These are men that will get married and raise children. A child being raised by two feminized, histrionic adults will not fare very well.
A 50 year old gay men still exhibiting 20 year old behavior is considered a sad old troll. A 50 year old straight man exhibiting 20 year old behavior will probably have a failed marriage, or at least a very bad marriage, but will have destroyed their offspring. Of course more gay men are adopting/surrogating children so that's something new to consider.
The good news is that the current crop of young men appear to be rejecting woke culture. The man bun, BLM tee shirt, toothpick arm "Todd" or the morbidly obese, ring nose, unbathed, masked "Seth" are fading into the dustbin of really bad social experiments.
Help me understand something, Josh. It’s the mind kind of thing.
You speak of your growing up and abuse. The conditioning of you by your mom resulting in a more feminine personality (?). You mention being afraid of any “manly man”, and I understand that. I’ve followed you and I know who your best friend is, a female. So the mind set is there and understood. But, and this is to me a little strange in how the mind works, your sexual attraction is towards men. I find that a little ironic given the history of fear of men. Does it mean you’ve overcome the fear ? Does it mean a rebellion of some kind ? Is this part of the unknown and would include how all this transitioning stuff is being foisted on kids, although 2 entirely different situations?
So, asking you as a counsellor, where does that come from and why? How does the mind work regarding this ? I’m sure there are books and if not, you could probably write one.
History has its share of badass homosexuals. Some of the bravest voices for sanity in the face of the modern maelstrom are masculine gay men, willing to stand up and embody the masculine virtues.
Being a simpering sissy isn’t even good for women. Why would we encourage it for any of our children?
When I was growing up and becoming attracted to men, I veered towards those who were very masculine. The sissy boys were not at all attractive. They actively repelled me. I couldn't understand any woman who would want such sissy "men" in their life. But I learned that birth control pills make women want less masculine men, so now that starts to make some sense.
But I was pissed that so many boys were just becoming more docile, lessening how many men in the world I could/would be attracted to. This has been a problem my whole life.
I'm happy that there are good strong men out there. I know them, they're married. They're the kind of people who don't spend time online because they do hard work and live fulfilling lives with their families. We have to remember the ones online are those without fulfilling lives in the "real-world."
"All straight men hated sissies like me, I thought, and would kill me if they could."
Well, some of them probably would, I'm afraid. Others would merely rough you up. Stuff you into a locker. Sneer and spit. Maybe they already did.
What is it about effeminate men that provokes such strong reactions? A girl wrassling her brothers in the mud, catching frogs, and climbing trees results in mom shaking her head and fussing that she's not lady-like. Most of those girls end up being hetero women after puberty who still enjoy doing sports and stuff but also can handle being feminine.
I see those pom-pom boys on the Vikings squad and I don't like them at all. Dylan Mulvaney camping it up before his "X days as a girl" bit made me want to smack him.
Just... stop it. You don't have to be a lumberjack [Monty Python lumberjacks notwithstanding], but could you dial back the schtick a bit? Most WOMEN aren't that histrionic.
Ok, so you have a boy child, and as he grows up you observe that he likes mermaids and sparkly things and plays dress-up and doesn't like trucks at all. Mother Jennings decided her boy was a girl, because she and her husband couldn't stand to have an effeminate boy. That's obviously the wrong path.
So what do you do instead? You don't smack him around or humiliate him, and yet you can see that if he doesn't "man up" to a degree, he'll be in for a world of hurt.
I'm not a parent. I have zero idea.
I am a 56 year old gay man. Took gymnastics lessons as a child. At various times in my adult life I have taken jazz, ballet, tap, and hip hop dance classes. I fully support every boy who wants to dance but I’m over the celebration of the sissification of males. This sort of prancing about has no place in football.
You have both extraordinary courage and extraordinary insight. Examining oneself with “dedication to reality at all costs” (Scott Peck) is unusually rare, but it results in exceptional understanding and awareness. Combined with real courage, it generates a desperately needed conversation for society—if that society will engage honestly.
The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It by Warren Farrell should be a required read.