What you need to know about your car
that no one taught you
Are you a Millennial? Gen Z?
Or—I’m sorry ladies and gay men—a Gen-X woman or gay man?
You likely missed out on basic theory about automobiles. Theory that you need to understand if you want to have a happy car that doesn’t die earlier than it needs to.
This is not your fault. Your parents, teachers, and the adults around you simply failed to do the basic knowledge transmission that was their job.
Yes. My generation, Gen X, is responsible for their lousy parenting, and it was lousy.
Let me try to help. Today, I’m your dad.
The level of ignorance I observe among these cohorts about cars—really, about any physical machine—astonishes me. It’s not just “I’m not a specialist.” It’s “I don’t have the first clue about anything and I’m going to ruin my car because I don’t quite believe in physical machines and physics cuz like everything’s digital?”
My childhood era was the last gasp of how the world used to be. And not just in my generation. In every generation before mine. There’s a cliff after Gen-X when intergenerational transmission of basic life knowledge just stopped. It coincides with the rise of the Internet, and especially with smart phones.
Reduced to a generalization, this happened: Hands-on knowledge of basic physics principles—friction, power generation, lubrication—disappeared. Parents stopped teaching kids about how to fix appliances, cars, or anything in the home.
Being poor was a blessing for me in this regard. My mother could only afford third and fourth hand cars. This meant we had to take care of them, and we had to know the basics about keeping them at least moderately happy so they’d run. Thus, she taught me basic car principles and light maintenance.
Again, this is basic. What I’m sharing with you is the absolute minimum. It’s not abstruse. It’s not high level. It’s the level of knowledge that, if you lacked it (especially if you were male), everyone looked at you like there was something wrong with you. They were right to do so. Lacking this knowledge is the automotive equivalent of not understanding that a drinking glass leaks if it has a hole in it.
As with commercial airliners, modern cars are overloaded with computers and automation. It’s at such a high level now that drivers are insulated from direct mechanical contact (and tactile feedback) from their cars. It encourages a mindset that falsely believes the car itself is a computer.
It is not. It is two tons of steel with an engine that explodes gasoline inside cylinders to make kinetic energy that moves the car forward. It is physical. It is analog. It is not virtual or digital.
It needs lubricant, it needs fluid, and it needs attention to parts that wear out such as brake pads and tires.
No. Paying attention to the computerized messages the unnecessary full color screen displays is not enough. You, driver, need to understand the theory yourself without digital prompts. You will sometimes have to make actual human decisions, unguided by a chip.
The Basics
OIL—Your car has about four quarts of oil inside the engine block. This oil is pumped into the cylinders (that’s where the gasoline explodes to push a rod that pushes a crank shaft that turns the wheels) to slick them up.
What happens without oil? Bare metal contacts, heats up by friction, and fuses together. That’s your engine seizing up.
1. Check the oil in your car periodically. If it gets too low, you have a leak. Add some. Read your owner’s manual.
2. NEVER continue driving your car when the oil/oil pressure light comes on. That means immediate danger of ruining your engine. Pull over and turn it off immediately. Get a mechanic.
3. Change that oil every 3,000 to 5,000 miles. Your car manufacturer is probably conservative in instruction, wanting you to change it every 3,000. Today’s engines are more durable, and I think personally that 5,000 miles is fine. But err on the side of clean oil if you’re in doubt.
COOLANT—Your car also has channels inside the engine for water and radiator fluid to flow through. This cools your engine, which is part of helping it not overheat and potentially melt and seize up. The oil system and the coolant system work together.
The circulating water carries heat away from the cylinders and out into the radiator where it—wait for it—radiates the heat out into the atmosphere.
1. Always maintain a full tank of coolant. Check the level by removing the radiator cap only when the car is cold! Do not remove a radiator cap when the car is warmed up. It’s under pressure. You will get burned.
Mix the right ratio of coolant fluid (antifreeze, so that your engine block doesn’t become an icicle in winter) to water, and top it off. Consult your owner’s manual. If you have no fluid, water alone will do until you get to a service station.
If your temperature light comes on, immediately pull over and turn the car off. The old advice was to rev the engine to speed up the radiator fan to speed up cooling before turning it off, but I don’t know if modern cars work that way anymore.
At least once a year, it’s a good idea to have your coolant system flushed and replaced with new fluid. While they’re at it, have them do this with the other replaceable fluids that need it.
BRAKES—Your brakes have heat resistant pads attached to clamps called “calipers.” These squeeze together, applying friction to the inside of the wheel to slow your car. Over time, the brake pads wear down. You will know this when your breaks starting making a sharp, high pitched “singing/squealing” noise. Try not to wear them down this far.
The brake system is hydraulic. This means that it has fluid inside pressurized pipes. This boosts the force of your foot on the pedal, increasing braking power.
But if the hydraulic system doesn’t have enough fluid, you don’t have brakes.
Occasionally check the master brake cylinder. Observe the fluid level. There will be marks inside it that show you where the level should be. If your fluid is low, add some. If it continues to go low, you have a leak and you need a mechanic.
EMERGENCY IDIOT LIGHTS—This is general, and won’t apply in every instance, but it’s a good rule of thumb. If you’re reading and you spot an error in this, please leave it in the comments.
Some warning lights are more important than others. Generally, a “check engine” light is not a big emergency. It’s likely an oxygen or other sensor that controls the fuel/air mix, or monitors the exhaust. Get to a mechanic when you can.
But there are two warning lights that mean PULL OVER AND SHUT THE CAR OFF RIGHT NOW:
-The oil/oil pressure light
-The temperature/overheating light
TIRE PRESSURE WARNING LIGHTS—These are retarded, stupid, vexatious, unnecessary and should be thrown into a volcano. They are NOT indications of any kind of “emergency.”
Psst, young people: They’re also very new and recent. Like, 20 years or less. Before that, everyone survived by occasionally checking their tire pressure manually. You should too. Get a pen-sized pressure gauge (yes, it’s mechanical and uses gross “moving parts” which is icky and non-digital, I know) and keep it in the glove box.
Slightly underinflated tires are not dangerous. And they don’t cost that much in gas mileage. The tire pressure warning sensors are a neurosis of controlling eco freaks. Ignore them after you determine your tires are not flat. If they are, trust me, you’ll know.
Keep These Items In Your Car
Some of these are obviously climate specific. Choose what you need and ignore what doesn’t make sense for your climate. Before you comment, “But can I skip. . .” think it through for yourself. I mean it. Do not ask me a question before you’ve engaged your own logic. I’m not doing this to “take care of your car for you.” I’m doing this to get your brain in gear so you’re self-sufficient.
Drinkable water, and enough for the radiator if it leaks
Cat litter for traction under your driving wheels in snow and ice
A couple quarts of oil
Carpet remnants, also for traction on snow/ice
A first aid kit
Road flares
Some food
Flares are very useful when you are trying to not get hit by a truck on a dark road at night, j/s.
When we moved to Alabama from Long Island in 1978, dad brought the tire chains. Our second winter we had an ice storm, so he put them on the Pontiac. We became the eighth wonder of the world, Josh. The snow and ice were only about an inch thick but it might as well have been a blizzard. We drove past people struggling to get their cars unstuck, past families building their first snowman ever, past the unhappy walkers. All of them watched us, stunned, some pointing, others gawking, many jealous. "What sorcery is this," their eyes said.
While I support everything you say wholeheartedly, I have to say that I've been disappointed more than once when I attempted to refer to the manual to do a basic task (like check an oil level or (gasp) replace the battery.
Not only was the process often ridiculous (the places where they hide the dipstick to make it inaccessible must be chosen on purpose), but half the time the manual would say something along the lines of "don't do this yourself - just bring it to the dealer". How very helpful.
I'm gen-x, and FAR from any kind of automotive or mechanical expert. But those car basics do come in handy. I also have a motorcycle that still uses a carburetor. Now there's a device that rewards some basic knowledge! Doing simple maintenance on it is sometimes messy, but rewarding in a way that almost nothing on a modern car is (in my experience).