Intellectual loneliness
This cannot be helped or changed, and I'm only complaining. But.
The more I contemplate homosexuality and its relationship to the childhood environment, neurosis, and its correlation with high levels of mental illness and mood/personality dysfunction, the more I feel. . . there isn't one word for it.
-Intellectually lonely
-A bit weary; as in "Sigh. Another example of how things are more complex, and have more negative implications, than I hoped."
-Morally lonely. Knowing that these kinds of contemplations put me in the psychological category for many of "morally questionable/contaminated/unsafe"
No, I'm not going to stop contemplating this. Avoiding the issue isn't a good permanent solution. This is the road I'm on right now and I'm staying on it and seeing where it takes me.
There's so much I want to talk about (it feels like a need, not a want). Much of it I want to talk about with other gay men. In real, honest ways with no defensive postures getting in our ways. But that's a hard one to ask.
I feel a similar loneliness being a woman. Watching all the hard fought gains made by past generations of deeply strong women slip away into this sick revelatory haze of dysfunction worship and clout chasing though victimhood one-upmanship has been disorienting, to say the least. Witnessing formerly strong women sit by impotently out of some misplaced sense of political correctness while we mutilate our children, give our sports records and scholarships to biological men, let toxic teachers tell our most innocent beings they are born with some original sin based on immutable characteristics.....it’s almost more than I can bear at times. We gave the keys to the asylum to the inmates out of an idiotic sense of “fairness”, and though they are literally burning the place to the ground, we still feel it would be “rude” to wrestle the keys back. I saw a TikTok video recently from a lesbian woman who said if she knew where the fight for gay and lesbian rights would have ended up, she never would have fought for them. I was beyond heartbroken. I am angry to the core of my being that this parasitic woke movement has co-opted actual important and necessary progress, and redirected it toward sick ideologies (like normalizing “minor attracted persons”). I look around at the other mothers around me and wonder if they have ANY limit to what they will give up in the name of being agreeable. Thank you Josh for being so vocal in your own community. Your podcast gives me strength and never fails to make me laugh :)
I find anyone actually interested in learning the truth and not being fed comforting lies ends up feeling this sort of loneliness. I would rather be lonely and sad or angry knowing the truth about something, than being blissfully ignorant. But I do wish we lived in a world where the majority actually wanted the truth rather than comforting lies.