A quickie from Her Maj

Posting has been light around here, I know, but we have a great show coming up for you on Sunday on Disaffected. To tide you over, here’s a transcription of a historic speech I just discovered in the recycling bin at the AM-PM Mini-Mart.

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My lovin' homies,

Some of y'all been saying I shouldn't mix-n-mingle with y'all widout my piece but I was like, these people is my home crew and I ain't tryna mistrust my own, you know?

Anyway. I have come all up in here with you, right now, at this point in time, not to be freakin' out or twerkin' or nothin' like that, but on account of the fact that if all y'all gonna bust a cap in them Spanish then Imma take a shot at that Armada too. Bring it, Parma-JOHN CHEESE.

Hold up—you ain't gotta tell me I got the body of a bitch. Do I look stupid to you? Lemme tell you, underneath all this I gotz the pieces and parts of a KANG baby. And a kang of England, too.

Shit.

-Ratchet Queen Elizabeth, Speech at Tilbury Bodega